Couch 229 - Acetominphen and

I'd normally be having a session right now, except we're not meeting again til next Friday. So I set out to work with a couple of dreams and I'm not getting anywhere with them really, so I am here instead. I had a fun dream last night, actually, which I don't think needs any tending but anyway in the dream I'm at a Journey concert and Steve Perry is there for some reason, singing "Oh, Sherrie" and he comes down off the stage and walks around the audience still singing, stops in front of me, and rubs my arm before moving on leaving me swooning. haha

ok enough distracting myself back to Tuesday night's dream.... happy friday all!

Does Dr T tend to do this all the time ?

It sounds very unsettling,

In the sense of sort of overcompensating after a particularly connected session? It does seem to be a pattern, though I doubt he realizes it consciously? It often happened with ex-MC, too (or like after I had a phone call with him, then he'd be like "need to focus on marriage stuff" next session).

OK, just saw that one of my favorite singers (Doug Martsch of Built to Spill) is doing a live acoustic show on Zoom tonight, and there were a few tickets still available, so got a ticket to that. It's kind of late for me, but I'll manage. Saw him once on one of them a couple months ago, and it was good. Think it's what I need to help me tonight.

My sister is pissed at me again. I understand why, but I still think I made the best decision for me (for once). My 3yr old niece had seizures today. My sister called and asked if we could come over and watch my other two nieces while she takes the 3yr old to the hospital. I said no because I had therapy with L today. 1. I really needed to see L today. 2. I can't always drop what I'm doing. 3. She's 3 cities away and she shouldn't be waiting for us to watch the other girls. I have almost no support from anyone, so I depend on L (maybe too much) for that support.

It is so hot and humid here that I have to let my dogs cool off for about 30 min before I can feed them after our walk so they don't get sick -and the walk was was shorter today due to the excessive H+ H.

Its that time when mushrooms sprout in the living room carpet. Send in the truffle-rooters!

It's 98 degrees F here today, but the humidity is only 16% so it's not so bad. I just went to the grocery store (more distracting myself from my dream work, but hey, groceries don't buy themselves haha). Sure is better than 112 or whatever it got up to recently!

Hugs, I think you did what was best for you, and that's what you needed to do to keep yourself healthy. I hope L was helpful. Also, I hope your niece is OK!

Session went okay. He didn't even bring up this morning's mess until the very end of session which surprised me. To be fair, I had sent him an email yesterday asking for advice about whether to report my neighbors for verbally abusing their elderly mother, so we did have a kind of long discussion about that situation. But usually when it's stuff between us, he's quick to bring it up and today was different so I hope I didn't annoy him. There's a bit of similarity with a previous rupture and I think he knew that which is why I'm anxious if I annoyed him. I annoyed him last time and he let it be known. We got past it eventually although I still haven't forgotten what happened and how it made me feel. I hope he doesn't think I'm an *** and still holding a grudge from back then. Relationships are too complicated sometimes.

I'm sorry you had a painful session, LT. Tough love can be so difficult when you're really craving warmth and acceptance.

Session with L was very good. More processing of the hurts from the other week. I don't know much about what happened with my nieces (since sister isn't speaking to me), but my dad told me she's out of the hospital and is sleeping.

Thanks, NP. I know my T's usual method isn't warmth and acceptance, but he seems to have shifted to that with me since the pandemic started for the most part. So it's jarring when he tries something different. Especially if he'd just been giving me warmth a couple days ago.

I'm glad your session with your T went generally OK. I doubt he thinks you're an *** or that you were annoying him. But I also understand your having those feelings, as I tend to worry about that with people, including my T. (Like, I'm worried he's annoyed now at the email I sent him earlier. And he probably won't reply till morning.) It's so hard to have those fears. If he let you know last time that you annoyed him but didn't say anything this time, that makes me think he isn't currently feeling annoyed toward you. Maybe check in with him about it next session, if you're still thinking about it. I imagine that's not till Monday though, and I know the weekend can be long...

I'm glad session with L was good. Glad your niece is out of the hospital. Was it a febrile (from fever) seizure maybe? My daughter had one of those when she was younger and never had one again.

She does have febrile seizures. She's had 3 or 4. This time, she had no fever at any point. She was vomiting and then passed out and had a seizure. The hospital ran tests and gave her anti-nausea medication. She's okay now, but they don't know what triggered the seizure. She was given a referral to see a neurologist.

I have to say though, I'm very proud of my sister. 1. Handling this all is overwhelming and scary for her, and she is handling it. 2. She actually called me up, told me she was upset with me, but she loves me and wants to keep her family close. <3

Hugs, Scarlet, that sounds scary. I hope they can figure out the cause and that it's easily treatable. But also like your sister handled it well, like you said.

Sunflowers!
Squash and zucchini and cucumbers
Thyme, rosemary, lavender
Calendula and basil and marigolds

Shelling beans, peppers
All the tomatoes

I wonder which T school he went to.

I did at least get acceptance from Madame T.

Hi CE, good to see you on the Couch.

CE! i think you made me prejudiced! Everytime I see Jacinda on the news, im like, cant she DO something with that hair?!

Welcome back CE.

Sent Dr. T an email mainly saying that I was upset about session felt yesterday. Including how he's seemed very empathetic lately, and that's been helpful, but yesterday he didn't, so what he said felt more like he was being critical of me.

He replied with:
"LT,
I've read your emails, and appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I look forward to talking to you about it on Monday. There have been similar situations in the past, so I think that a longer discussion of this aspect of counseling is worth further discussion. I hope you enjoy your weekend."


So pretty sure Monday's session is going to suck, with him saying he can't just be empathetic, that he has to push me to do things or he's not doing his job. Or something. But he can be both empathetic *and* push me at the same time, right? He was doing some of that Wednesday and also other times recently.

I really wonder if some of this is he felt like he shared too much personal stuff lately and/or was too caring and now is pulling back. Like Wednesday, in relationship to something I was saying about D, he'd shared something from a conversation he and his wife had recently about their son. And he was also wiping tears at another point in that session, when we were talking about parenting stuff (that's the topic where he tends to get emotional).

It's just very jarring to go from what feels like a very supportive, connected session to the kind we had yesterday. It almost feels like I was talking to two completely different therapists. Or that I was talking to pandemic Dr. T Wednesday and pre-pandemic Dr. T yesterday.

Maybe I need a therapy break or something, I don't know. Or at least to cut way back on sessions (I mean, I'm intending to cut back to twice a week soon anyway). Or maybe Dr. T's week away in the middle of next month will be a helpful break for me, too.

I'm sorry you're going through this upset right now, LT.

I think the therapist-client relationship is built on honest communication. What we need, and what they can give. I think you've said before that Dr. T doesn't really 'do' unconditional positive regard.

I have trouble with that concept, because I think it just comes down to being a generally decent human being. Some kind of balance seems like it might be a good thing to work towards. Communicating about when you would like empathy, and when you feel able to be pushed a little more.

I'm sorry if I'm overstepping in any way.