Couch 229 - Acetominphen and

Something Dr. T said I do that really helps him is refer to friends, exes, etc. with certain qualifiers as a reminder. Like (these are not actual names or descriptors), "Katie with the ferrets" or "Jim who was the race car driver." I said how I use them with H, too, so not just Dr. T. (I wish H did this more--he'll mention some random person from work by name, and I'd do much better if he were like "Joe the IT guy"). I also said in session Wednesday that I wouldn't expect him to remember someone I talked about a couple times 2 years ago.

Oh, I'm pretty sure this was about something more than the handshake itself. It was more symbolic. Like, if he can't remember that, something that happened at the end of two sessions a week, what else can't he remember? (And there's also the fact that touching his hand had some sort of meaning to me.) And sort of a reminder of how I'm just one of many clients, how he's a much more important part of my life than I am in his, where I'm his job. That he needs to get away from by taking a vacation. Where part of me thinks that he must be sick of dealing with me (I mean, *I'm* sick of dealing with me, so how could he not be?)

I'm glad your T did that regarding how it probably wasn't about what's going on in the moment but the past. I do feel like ex-MC did that *too* much with me, like "This is clearly about your parents," when it was like, "No, I am actually upset with you about what you said."

But Dr. T goes the other extreme, where he seems to always think it's all about him, even when I say, "I don't think this is just about you." I know some of it is about his modality and his perspective on therapy. That he doesn't work much with transference. But it's frustrating when I'm saying it's not about him and he insists that it is...like I want to explore the other stuff going on.

There have been times when it's worked to do that with him. And maybe I need to push more when he says it's about him, and I know it's bigger than that. I suppose it says something that I'm aware of it, even if he isn't?

(was starting to post about today's session in here, but it's already a novel, so separate post on that!)

Cleverness/word play/banter/knowing what bunburying is.

But not puns?

A pun will stop a good flirtation in its tracks

Well, I do actually know the term bunbury at least.

(Just trying to make ex-hankster jealous.)

I had session with Dr. T this morning and opted not to bring up the handshake thing. It was mostly addressing various stressors in my life (there have been a lot in the past week, plus one coming up next week, a medical test).

But the last 10 minutes, I broke down about his being out of town. I said I felt bad saying anything about it, that he deserved the time off, that he ****ing deserved an entire month off (quickly adding "But please don't actually take a month off," which made him smile--and he said he wouldn't). I said how I wish I wasn't so attached to him, how most of his clients were probably like, "OK, bye, see you in a week." And also that I wasn't trying to make him feel guilty about being gone.

He said he'd expected some of our time to be spent talking about his vacation. That he sympathized with my struggles with him going away and also that he didn't feel guilty. But that he had confidence I would get through it. And reiterated that he'd be reading/replying to emails (even though I said my intention was to not send him one). And that I could reach out to his backup T more often than our one scheduled session if needed.

I said I wanted to address the attachment thing more when he was back, that I didn't want to be so attached. That maybe we could work on some things to help with that. He said he wasn't entirely sure how to work on it, aside from helping me more with outside supports, to find more things to look forward to each week, etc. (I had said earlier that I'd started to get in a good place with that pre-pandemic, how some of those options had returned, but not all--or maybe they're out there, but I don't feel entirely comfortable doing them yet due to unvaccinated daughter).

He suggested I think more while he's away about how I might want to address it, what I might want to talk about. So I intend to do that.

At the end, I said how I really did hope he had a fun and relaxing vacation. He thanked me and said he know I had some stressful things coming up, but that he hoped I had a good week, too. And to take care of myself.

So I feel good about all that (and am glad I didn't bring up the handshake topic).

Mini couch poll -if you actually went and had a medical test done, and you know the results were sent to the md, but you never hear back (5-6 mos later) would you just assume it means the test showed nothing or would you contact them?
ETA - the Portal shows the test was sent to them but there is no report and it says the pictures can't be displayed on the portal -no report and no indication an md has looked at them.

I'd have contacted them 5-6 months ago. Does your doctor have one of those portals? Mine are all connected to a portal, and test results go in there automatically, so I can check on my own, plus they call if anything unusual (like recently when I showed up as being anemic). But maybe check with them, just to be sure?

The portal is how I know the test results (pictures) are there. There is nothing else there -no written report or anything.
I probably will continue on with it means nothing showed up. I just wondered if this was a usual time to not hear back or not-when it comes to mds - I don't have a clue how it is supposed to work. I did the test in Feb - I don't think it is too pushy to check after this length of time but I am really not sure.

LT, I'm glad you had a good session.

Try to remember, attachment itself isn't a problem if it is secure attachment. It isn't that you are "so" attached from what I see you write about so much as it is sort of a frantic, insecure attachment requiring frequent testing and validation. You don't seem to trust the relationship, so you seem to need to analyze it, test it, and put it through the wringer in order to "see" it as still there (like poking the bear to see if it reacts and is real).

Hopefully, once life gets back to more "normal," you will be able to get back to that place where you can foster other relationships and activities again. I certainly understand how isolated things have gotten these last 15ish months. I'm longing to get back to church, to work, to my choirs, and to all those people I interact with again. I know for me, just having those outlets, even if they aren't as intimate as the discussions I might have in therapy, helps confirm I'm still here, I have a life and passions and friendships of my very own! Go me! That personal validation of myself helps me feel safer and more secure in all of my relationships - that's been harder to do during such an isolated time. I suspect that security might also transfer somewhat to a therapy relationship. Best of luck to you on this. I know it is a struggle.

Probably. If it was anything, you would have been contacted pretty promptly. Does you doctor not have a portal where you can see your test results? I've learned to appreciate the ability to go in and see the actual test results myself, particularly in the last year.

I would certainly contact them if I was wondering. I've honestly never had a doctor not get back to me, even with normal test results, but nothing has been normal in the last year. Definitely call and inquire.

I have had situations where they had a wrong phone number and had tried to contact me but obviously couldn't. That happened A LOT when my husband was in the hospital because he was in the hospital's system from past admissions and they hadn't updated the contact information. Very frustrating.

That's odd. Generally they'll include some sort of report on the portal as well. Like maybe pictures go up one day, then report another. So I'd check with them--definitely not pushy at this point. If you were calling them every hour after the test, that would be pushy.

Wow, Artley. You just put something that I've been struggling to articulate since the beginning of all this into words. 'That personal validation helps me confirm that I'm still here.'

Thank you for that. I'm trying to find mine in other ways, but it is difficult. In person work is a significant source of validation for me.

The portal just shows the test results are there but says nothing can be displayed =that is the entire entry. That is how I know the results are there -through the portal.

It is not a big deal - I have been dealing with this for almost a year and am not dead so it is obviously not something serious -just annoying. In balancing the annoyance between the problem and dealing with mds - I have figured out ways of dealing with the problem but the ways of western medicine baffle and frustrate me.
More I was wondering what is pushy versus not pushy when dealing with them. Much like I do not understand why the primary person really doesn't do much but act as a md broker to send clients to other mds. or like them not seeing you when you are sick but wanting you come deal with them when you are well. I have memorized the final exit book and have enough money to get to belgium or germany should I have the need.

Probably both. I'd assume things are fine but contact to double-check, especially if it might be an issue that needs a follow-up check.

Is there an online portal for you to view your results on your own? (ETA: Never mind, I see this was answered.)

By now I've learned that people constantly forget about everything and I'd never trust anyone to have looked over something if they didn't contact me regardless of the result (and ideally even attached the results).

I can usually send a message through the portal with my question and they get back to me that way.

Info fashion report: well, she had a) slept late and b) just been exercising, sooo...messy frizzy bed-hair, no makeup, sports bra. Black if you must know, but I think it had blue piping. Couple of gold necklaces. No earrings.

Not a good session; the one time I actually ask her for validation, it turns out she sucks at it. She's much better at dropping bromides on me.

Also I now have "I Second That Emotion" stuck in my head, because it came up. There are worse things.

Thanks, Artley. I do know that secure attachment is OK, and Dr. T has said as such. My issue is, I can go through stretches where the therapeutic relationship *seems* secure, and then something can set me off. Which, OK, I know, that's probably a sign that it's not in fact all that secure. (Same with some other relationships.)


But I get frustrated with myself. Because I can try to look at all the evidence that someone cares/isn't intending to abandon me, and on some level I can appreciate that. Like Dr. T has been quite consistent and also gone above and beyond for me a few times in the past year. So I can comfort myself with that much of the time when I may have fleeting doubts.

But then I'll get triggered by something he says or does (which likely is more about the past than him specifically), and it leads me to start questioning things again. "Frantic" is a good way to describe that. It's the inner child coming out, not the more rational adult part of me. Like "Don't leave me!"

I like the idea of "personal validation" of myself. Something I'd been doing much more of in the months leading up to the pandemic had been regularly getting together with friends for lunch, going to yoga classes, going to Paint Nites (a 2-hour painting instruction at a restaurant or bar), things that helped me connect with others and/or got me out of my head. Plus, we generally went out to eat a couple nights a week, and I would often do my freelance work at a restaurant or taproom for a couple hours once a week. I'm easing into returning to restaurants, but the other stuff is taking more time. And Dr. T was one of very few regular "things" on my schedule for all those months. I'm hoping as I add more in, he will start to fade from importance.

I hope you'll be able to get back into regular activities soon as well.

This has become a more pressing issue for me since my husband passed. I was with him for 35 years. The void is palpable right now. I'm craving getting back to my activities because right now, as a teacher with too much summer time off on my hands, it is too quiet and odd without his presence.

I did well during June - very busy with AP scoring and a visit to my sister and Dad. But now I'm back home with very little to keep me occupied for the next few weeks. Fortunately, August will arrive very soon and life will suddenly be activity-packed again. I'm ready.

I am keeping busy creating a new space for myself in our house. In a few months, our eldest and his wife are moving in permanently. It was a plan my husband and I talked about in those last months - our gift to them. I am used to a house full of people and noise and laughter. This house is way too big and quiet for me alone; I think I would have had to move. Their moving in will allow them to finally be in a house and get out of the apartment rat-race, start a family, etc. The housing market is ridiculously expensive anymore. This will do us all some favors financially, and fortunately we all get along and enjoy each other's company. We've lived together as adults before, so we know we'll do fine together. I'm giving them the master bedroom which is feeling WAY too big and lonely anymore (nights are the hardest), and I'm moving into one of the spare bedrooms. So, my current project is making it "my" space. I'm having a lot of fun doing it, and I'm really ready to make that change.

Sorry it wasn't a good session... Good you tried to ask for validation--bad she sucked at it (seriously, therapists, validation is not that difficult).


Disappointing fashion report as well.

And yes, there are many worse songs you could have in your head.

That sounds frustrating

SD, I would contact the MD immediately and ask them to at the very least call you and tell you what the results indicated. Or I suppose they could send you a message through the portal. Getting the results is part of what you (or your instance company) paid for! Imagine if you taught a class but never issued a grade.... Definitely not pushy and they are remiss in having let it go this long without reporting back to you.

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