Have you ever lost faith in your therapist? Like... he made a series of what you feel are poor decisions... and you go

WOW..... now who do I trust?????

[(JD)]

Did you discuss this with T (what you call poor decisions?)

[SweetCrusader]

Thankfully, I haven't had that experience. I would be heartbroken



*safe hugs* if wanted/needed

[Fuzzybear]

I have ....

well... all of it happened.. in the last session... and everything like "hit the fan".... so..no I haven't...

he was taking a mini-vacation... and I was dealing withthe death of my dog.. and then... my son who sees my T...

we started to talk it over... time ran out... and I left... kinda in shock..

my major "problem"... and I have very mixed feelings about it...

is that my son shared with me... that he is bring his EX girlfriend... into therapy with him... and I hit the roof... because.. I pay the co-pays... but way.. way... beyond that.. I wasn't keen on sharing my T.... in the first place..

my friends... call my son's ex... the "devil woman"... she has been the meanest person ever...

just the thought.. of her sitting in the same office that me.. as in I.... sit in.... talking to MY therapist...
well... removes all logical thought.... and.. I just see red.. as in rage....

she.. and my son dated for 6 years... known each other since pre-school... and she cheated on him.. with another man.. and had that man's baby... my son and she live as room mates..

sooooooooooooooooooooooo.... I am one confused person....

not able to "see" anything logically... let alone.. talk it over with my therapist... who I am furious with...

so WOW..

very alone... I am... trying to keep from.. canceling... and quitting therapy... via phone... while he is gone...

I am thinking at the very least... that I need to take a week or two off from therapy.. because.. I can't handle this.. so close to my dog's death... is too much...

[Kiya]

=( yeah that is just odd. can you leave him a phone message saying some of that and take a week off?
(((((((free)))))))))))

[kaimarni]

sorry about all that . Its alot to be dealing with at once. There have been times when I have lost faith in my T as well...

[Perna]

Have you told your T that you're furious with him. . . for what? Seeing your son's girlfriend/roommate too? I'm not clear why you have lost faith in him, only why you might be (I think I would be too) angry. If you have not talked to your T, gotten his "side" of what your son has told you, asked him pointed questions about where/how there is no conflict of interest given you can't stand the woman and are paying for your son's therapy, etc. I think I'd see what the story is from your T's side before I did anything else.

You said your son shared, "that he is bring his EX girlfriend... into therapy with him" -- do you know if this has happened yet or if it's what your son intends to do in the future? This could be an idea of your son's that your T doesn't even know about much less condone/agree with? You have to talk to your therapist first, not go with whatever second and thirdhand (your head messing with you) stuff you are told/imagine. Go toe-to-toe with your therapist and get what is actually happening and if it isn't to your liking, say so and stop it! If you are paying, I don't think your T is going to see your son if you don't pay.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
If you are paying, I don't think your T is going to see your son if you don't pay.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Plus, since most insurance does not cover couples sessions, there will be no "co-pay." It will likely be full fee. freewill, you could also just tell your son that since insurance doesn't pay, he needs to foot the bill himself.

I would also ask T his policy on seeing other family members. Some T's will not see friends or family of their clients. My T is a family therapist, so he does see multiple members of the same family in many situations. Can you ask him his policy? He is already seeing both your son and you, so I imagine his training does allow him to do this. Why is your T seeing the ex-girlfriend so hard for you? Is it because you hate her (because of what she has done to your son), so you don't want her to benefit from your T? Are you worried she will say awful things about you to T? Is it the co-payment part? (again--not to worry, as this is most likely not covered by insurance so you won't have a co-pay) Is it because you think your son should be able to deal with his problems regarding this ex-GF himself and shouldn't need therapy for it? I mean, maybe he gosh-darn does need therapy for this issue! Do you want him to go to a different T for that?

I hope you can talk to your T and sort out why you feel so strongly about this and find out his policy. I also think maybe a talk with your son would be helpful. If he knew how strongly you didn't want the ex-GF to go see your T, maybe he would agree it is not a good idea. Maybe, in fact, your son should see different T himself since this is causing so much conflict. Sometimes one T seeing multiple family members can help so much. Other times, it doesn't work, as one family member gets too "jealous" of the others. There is no shame in saying hey look, we tried both having the same T, and I don't think it is working well, can we reconsider? Good luck and TC.

I am so sorry for your dog's death. Our animals truly know us and accept us.

I wan't able to be on yesterday... that you for your responses....

The insurance is under my son's name... but I pay the co-pays...

The T... was mine first... and foremost....

And why I "lost faith"... had to do with the fact that he had talked to Alex... and had seen no reason to not see them together... though for privacy reasons... the T and I did not discuss... whether it was for "relationship counseling".

The relationship counseling part.. came from my son...

Normally, the T and I... and my son and I never discuss what happens in therapy... we are all adults... it was to be private couseling... not family counseling.. I choose my counseler... because I knew... given my son's nature.. they would "click" andd they did.

Why I object.... well... I cannot stand... I mean stand this woman.... she has been so so so mean to me.. you have no idea... and mean to my son... and shoot.. she cheated on him... took money from me.. trips.. from me.. and treated me terribly...

so the thought... of her.. in my T.. office.. and he giving her therapy.. with my son... makes me doubt him...
that he really .... knows what is best for me... and whether... he can counsel... both of son and me... given the fact that he thinks it is OK... that she also come in...

That "blows" my mind... to have an "abuser"... who abused me... in receiving therapy... from my own T's..

How would you guys like it... if your abuser... walked into your T's office... and you shared him???

Just wondering what your reactions might be..

[Perna]

I wouldn't tell anyone I thought might need therapy about my T :-) About my experiences with my T maybe but not who.

I don't understand why your T accepted your son as a client. That would be a conflict of interest to me as your son might be talking about you and "influence" what your T thinks about you plus you have talked about your troubles raising your son, etc. I don't think most T's are going to accept individual clients from the same family?

I'd just explain to your T you aren't comfortable with him treating your son/the girl anymore and want him to terminate that relationship as it feels too much like a conflict of interest to you (and is because of the bgirl from heck). I wouldn't lose faith in my T until I knew exactly what was going on and he knew how I now felt about the situation. Like you said, you weren't thrilled with sharing him with your son even, well, tell your T it isn't working for you! He's either going to try to wrangle something so he can keep all clients (in which case I would terminate and not be one of them) or he's going to respect the whole thing isn't working for you, his primary client and pass them off to a friend/other therapist.

talk to him directly freewill... i understand why you are mad. i would never and could never share. i understand some people do and bless them they are stronger than i.

i dont know if it's applicable, but my mom redirects her anger... transfers it i guess... she cant stand my SIL ( no one can, she's a ***** who abused the kids) but she cannot seem to direct the anger to where it belongs... she's mad at my bro for taking the horrid cow back... but she cannot seem to tell him... so the anger leaks out everywhere.

redirecting anger at T is not a bad thing, if you tell him. He can help you work through that... but he has to own the parts of it that are legitimately his.. some T's aren't good at that part. He's made a bad call not to foresee some of this... oversight at best.

it cannot be worked out any other way than through it... and that may also mean telling your son that he has also made you very angry. Afterall, the anger is with the two people you care about... the super-***** doesn't deserve that level of feeling, she's a nothing.

sending warm fuzzies

ps... i am so deeply sorry about your dog i am highly triggered by such things and could not respond to your post. Blessings sweetie.