Couch 231: Live Long and Prosper!

I may make a separate thread about this, but:

I'm trying to figure out how I feel about a particular disclosure Dr. T made today. It came up in the context of our talking about something with my D and being on vacation (we're at the beach). So it wasn't completely random. But it involved his family being on vacation at (I think) the same beach last month and his having to take his son to the ER in a nearby town. He didn't give any details (and I didn't ask), though from stuff he said about dangerous things people do on vacation, I suspect it was an injury. He also shared another thing or two about the vacation (not liking the restaurants and choosing to cook in most nights).

He's been sharing a *lot* of random personal stuff lately. Really, since the start of the pandemic, but it's seemed to increase in the past few months. Part of me likes it, and part of me feels like it's a bad thing. Because that contributed to issues with ex-MC (particularly when he disclosed about his kids). I probably need to have a conversation with him about it, but I also don't want him to go back to how he was the first couple years of seeing him, where he basically shared nothing, even if I directly asked.

But now he just randomly volunteers a bunch of stuff, which makes if feel more friend-like, I guess. Which I like, but I also know is probably bad for me in general, or at the very least not helpful therapeutically.

I don't know what I'm looking for here...maybe just sort of thinking out loud. Thoughts welcome. And like I said, I may end up making a thread.

Agreed. That's why I recommend coffee and chocolate.

I would find it annoying--especially if I had anxiety--for the therapist to say "oh, I was at the same beach and I had to take my son to the ER" and then provide no more details. Like, what if it was something actually related to the beach or the town?

I mean, what's a client supposed to say? "Oh, what was wrong?" But there are Boundaries. Which the therapist is then likely to slam in the client's face. Especially your therapist.

I may be a tad cranky between this and NP's therapist ignoring a conversational boundary she set. I'm really tired of therapists seemingly thinking only they define boundaries.

I wonder, LT, if he's doing this with all clients? Maybe his social life is stunted by the pandemic and he's using clients to replace it. I find myself talking more with students (not about my life, but theirs) during this whole thing.

Heh. Made me laugh.
I prefer Master. Once I graduate my program, I can be called Master-Master WFS. I will make a nametag so folks don't forget. Or maybe a t-shirt.

Oh, that's a good point regarding it being the same beach. Does the parasailing operator not take good safety measures, for example? Or what if it were, say, food poisoning from a particular restaurant?

And yeah, I felt like I couldn't say, "What happened?" (Which is what I'd do if a friend or coworker told me that.) I said, "I hope everything turned out OK" or something like that.

I think his defining the boundaries is one of the things that's bothering me about this, as he can just disclose randomly as he wants. But if I opted to ask a question, I imagine he wouldn't answer. He did tell me the nature of the trip he's going on next week when I asked, but I basically said, "So is it x?" Because all clues pointed to that. And he did confirm that it was.

That's an interesting question about if he's doing this with all clients. I could certainly see him doing this with his longer-term ones, who he knows better. He said early on how with longer-term clients, he has a tendency to briefly forget they're clients and can end up chatting with them during sessions. (Pretty sure, at nearly 4 years, I qualify as a long-term client.)

Hm, also I mentioned to him recently how I'd missed being in restaurants/bars (and had just gotten comfortable with it again when delta hit), how part of it is just liking to be around people, just little moments of interaction like chatting with a waiter, a fellow customer, etc. And he said he doesn't feel the need to be in restaurants, that "I get all the social interaction I need from my clients" (or something like that).

I think also maybe with me in particular, I'm a similar age, a fellow parent, have similar political beliefs (so we discussed a bunch of stuff from the last election), am about equally concerned about Covid, etc. While some of his clients are teens or young adults, where there might be as much common ground to discuss. Or maybe they just don't give a **** about what's going on with him/his life, whereas I do. (Enter comment from Stopdog.)

One other thing from earlier this month that I don't think I mentioned on here at the time. He was talking to me about the timing of his decision on when to start seeing clients again in person and what would be the threshold (like case level in county) when he'd feel that he'd have to resume virtual. And he said something like, "You know more information about my decision process on reopening than anyone else besides my wife."


It just struck me as an odd way to word it. Maybe he just meant he hadn't talked about it much (or at all) with other clients, but his phrasing implied he also hadn't talked much about it with friends, colleagues, other relatives, etc. It seems to fit with the "using clients for social interaction" thing.

Roasted poblano chiles and a little cheese, fake, nonfat, monterey / cheddar.

I had the amy's chille rellenos the other day, soooo good, but it coulda just been the cheese!

Chihiro: "I'm all shook up!" See Elvis

Yep - their life is not my problem. But in general, unless it is someone close, I don't question people. If someone in general or a student said their kid got taken to the ER - I would say - I hope the child is doing okay and move on - I would assume if they wanted to tell me more they would and that otherwise it was simply none of my business. I would have no desire to know what happened. I would listen (or pretend to do so) if they started telling me, but I would not press nor would I assume it would have anything to do with anything I was doing - I would immediately go to kid is a klutz, not the whole beach is contaminated and we are all going to die. I hate being pressed. I said what I wanted and did not say more because I did not want to -being pressed just annoys me to no end.

Why would someone discuss this sort of things with friends, colleagues, or relatives? I haven't discussed my decisions with them

And i would never press you on it.

NOW do you love me?

That's exactly what you need to say.

{Quote]It seems to fit with the "using clients for social interaction" thing.[/Quote]

Interesting. I would have interpreted it as "treating me as an equal".

Interesting. I would have interpreted it as "treating me as an equal".[/QUOTE]

Hm, I could see that, too. And that he was trusting me with the information.

Good point!

Better than drinking an Old Fashioned and feeling like Shirley Temple?

We're having major financial issues again. H wants me to either reduce L's fee and/or frequency. I really struggled last time we reduced both. And I don't think L will reduce down more than I'm already at. I think I'm done with all of this. I've been through enough with the last two ruptures. My separation anxiety is still really high. I can't go through this. I refuse to go through this.

Lololololol!

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Out of curiosity, is it partly due to your H's spending again? I know he likes to get brand new cars. If it 's because of something like that, it doesn't seem fair for him to ask you to reduce L sessions.

Are you thinking of just ending with L entirely then? Do you think it could possibly help to see T instead, but see her less often?

Sometimes psychiatrists also augment/adjunct with other meds too. I've been on low dose anti psychotic for that. Also currently on a TCA and a SSRI simultaneously.

It could also be that you are the only one that is concerned/interested in the process as it sounds like this is a frequent subject of discussion in sessions.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I know I don't want to see T anymore as a full-time therapist. I don't mind seeing her for backup, emergency, or consulting, but not for consistent sessions. She also raised her rates and is even more expensive than L.

I just feel like I'm done with therapy. I don't want another therapist! I found a good one, and now I can't keep her

What would happen if you just said no to H. Tell him to find another way. L is not something frivolous. L is important to your well being. I'm sorry you are in this position. HUGS. Kit

I'm pretty nervous this morning. I am supposed to hear today if I get into the IOP. I'm stressed about it, even though it is out of my control. When I had the intake call, the lady asked me weird questions--more suitable for residential stays--like if I was vaccinated and if I had food allergies and stuff like that. I am NOT interested in a residential setting at this point in my recovery. It MIGHT have been helpful after the hospitalization in January 2020 but not now. I am only looking for an IOP and since it is virtual I wonder whether if I am gluten free or have any religious exemptions to food has anything to do with anything. I'm hoping she doesn't come back and say they think I would be a better fit for their residential setting because I will decline. But maybe these questions are common and I'm just making myself sick over it for no good reason.

Hmm. Why would you accept a demotion?!

I can’t wait for the effing weekend. I’m so SICK of the VA, and of my boss not telling me my schedule. Another one of the fellows had a family emergency so I’ve been covering for him all month, and my effing boss hasn’t come up with a proposal for how to even out the schedule, which means that I don’t know where I’m supposed to work starting September 1… and, more significantly, means I don’t know what I’m doing in Oct so can’t book plane tickets to see my BF. She’s pretty rigid and not very thoughtful, so I’m worried she’s going to come up with a plan that isn’t actually fair and I’ll end up with more call or less elective time than everyone else just because I had to cover for someone else’s family emergency. (And honestly, like, the other fellow’s father in law died… it’s not clear to me why he took an entire month off for that, during which he communicated with us only once. I know that isn’t very generous of me. This lack of communication and clarity is really ticking me off.)

I can’t even tell anymore, is this something that most people would find annoying/unfair/distressing?