Couch 231: Live Long and Prosper!

I don't know about most people, but I would. Kit

The IOP called me. They said they want me to do an in person (not virtual) IOP because of the hallucinations. But theirs is too far away. So their referral team is going to reach out to me in 24 to 48 hours to see what they find. I doubt they find anything close to me that will work. I live in a remote area. We have one hospital that is leaving us within the next couple of years (It isn't earthquake safe). And everything else is like an hour and a half away one way. So it looks like an IOP won't work. I'm kind of disappointed. I was hoping to have more care.

Same here. Particularly the not knowing your schedule for next week, let alone October... Would it be possible for you to just ask for specific days off?

Hugs, Kit. I hope maybe they can find you something. Could you maybe look into virtual IOPs elsewhere in the state? It could be just the policy of this one on hallucinations.

Actually, that is highly likely. Especially considering that when he did resume in-person sessions for a few weeks, I was 1 of only 4 clients who elected to return in person (though he did require them to be fully vaccinated, so maybe some wanted to but didn't meet the requirement). I know he did say at one point how a couple clients were really pushing him to start in-person again (and he confirmed I wasn't one of them, that I just asked periodically).

The problem is that in order to take or even request a day off, I have to arrange for coverage from another fellow if I am on a service that depends on fellows to run (we rotate through several sites, some of which depend heavily on us and some of which don’t) which I can’t do if I don’t know my schedule or theirs.

I should. However, I'm exhausted right now from this process. I can't even imagine beginning again. I'll wait to see if their referral service offers up anything useful--which I doubt because I've looked before--and if they don't then I'm going to go back to this place and appeal their decision and see if they will let me go virtual. I have nothing to lose if I ask. But at this point, I'm frustrated and discouraged, and I can't even imagine beginning again. I know that sounds terrible. We are supposed to be our own best advocate. But sometimes I am not in a position to be my own best advocate and I need someone to do it for me. But it seems there is no one. I just have so soldier on for now and hope I don't burn out my support people. It's hard to stay optimistic and positive, when you just want to throw in the towel! But I gotta keep going and keep my chin up. Soldier on. I really wish I could cry because this is something to cry over. I can't cry though. The tears won't come.

Got a new chair at work! My old one has been broken for a while. I finally spoke up and they got me a new chair within a week. One of the shop mechanics put it together for me. This one has arm rests and everything!

Ugh, that's frustrating. Do you know if they also don't have their schedules? If so (and if you're scheduled by the same person), maybe you could all push to get it?

Unfortunately, our schedules are inter-related, so if one person’s changes, it’s likely that everyone’s will (these are the complications of having five fellows at ten different sites, some of which won’t run if we’re not there). The other fellows are sympathetic but at the end of the day I’m the one stuck in this crappy spot, and our boss sucks so much they aren’t going to stick their necks out unless they have to.

Oh chihirochild, you said the magic word! VA. And not as in vacation or virginia. They have a reputation of being the worst. Hang on, its gonna be a bumpy ride.

I went outside and i did not die. I was a little hot. Altho i was trying to find where the bus was on its route and a real ETA!, But i was like, oh no, i have everest brain, i better get into a better temperature. And so by the time i walked back to my apartment, the uber surge was over, i was able to book a reasonable ride, my driver was charming, i got my meds, and we all lived happily ever after.

The IOP place sent me two possible referrals. Yeah. Not looking very good. One is in Central Valley (I live in Southern CA!!!) We're talking 5 hours away. The other one is in Orange/Los Angeles County--so closer but still 2.5 or 3 hours away. Sigh. One of them talks about their virtual options so I am somewhat hopeful for that but these referrals are a joke. (I've moved from frustration to irritation!)

Be careful not to catastrophize here. He said reduce either frequency or fees, not stop altogether, so you can keep L.

If this is due to your husband's extravagant spending, I would say he needs to get a handle on that rather than asking you to do the entire budget adjustment.

Sometimes we have to budget such things though. If your budget can only stretch for one session a week, then that may be what has to be done. Budget definitely had a bearing on therapy frequency in our house. Just the reality of it I guess.

Sounds like you and your husband need to come up with a plan where both of you are pulling your end of the bargain as far as the budget goes - it's been on your shoulders far too often.

Hope it all gets worked out.

Feeling butch - I had to replace my electronic lock this morning. My old one died last night (soldered piece broke off) and I found pieces of an old bolt lock for last night and today got a new one and installed it.
It was not hard. A trained monkey could have done it in about 20 min.
I am a butch trained monkey.

I started taking 2 seroquel again because my mood wasnt good but the weird dreams where i am awake are stupid. I was sure i woke up and caught my cat peeing on my bed last night. It was so real but this morning i cant smell anything.

L and I had such a good session today. I literally could have kept going for hours if she had let me, we were so on a roll, in something like a mutual state of flow. It was definitely one I will remember! Right before I left I read her the dream I am saving for next week, I told her I feel like it will take a full session just for that one dream, but she said go ahead and read it to me anyway. She gave me a suggestion as far as working with it which I will do (and also agreed with me that I need to do an Active Imagination with it that I haven't done yet). Which, doing both things just might remove the need to talk about it any further.


Tomorrow we see the Specialist re: h's 2nd liver scan results. Depending on what we hear... I might be needing to talk about all of that some more next week. We did discuss it a little today, too.

That sounds disconcerting. Hugs if wanted.

We've had SO much rain this monsoon - everything is so very green right now, all up and down the state. Both sides of the road leading to L's house are just filled with wildflowers right now. It's so beautiful!! I took this pic today:

Artie, you are such a photographer! Love it.

I was feeling hurt/pathetic/needy/rejected, basically a lot, after our last session. We've been meeting on Saturday lately. He told me he might have some school thing to do Saturday (some sort of online shadowing thing), he wasn't sure, but he would email me as soon as he knew something. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to meet with him Saturday, but now he still hasn't told me what's up. It's after 7pm here. Surely he knows by now what his school commitments are for tomorrow. What the heck is even going on? This isn't helping with my feelings at all. I want to say "screw him", but I don't want to feel angry too.

I hope T would be interested in anything that concerns the patient.

And as I keep saying, if the relationship is the therapy, T has a responsibility to make that relationship work.

Hooray for Stopdog!

Ugh, I'm sorry. He really should have let you know by now (maybe you've heard since posting this?) I hope he gets back to you and that you're able to meet (if you still even want to meet). I assume you haven't seen/talked to him since you left the session very upset because of what he said? Hugs, if wanted.

NP, I hope you've heard something by now esp if you still want a session today.