Couch 231: Live Long and Prosper!

Hugs all around to those who need/want.

hey couch fiction writers, do you guys very often use your dreams for story ideas? asking cuz I had one of those auditory-only dreams recently where I got a 3-word phrase and nothing else. L & I got pretty much nothing talking about it yesterday (other than doing word association) so she suggested I just give it to my imagination and write a story with it. I guess my imagination isn't feeling very frisky this morning haha cuz I'm not getting anywhere with it. Maybe I'll start with the word associations again and see if that leads anywhere... need something to kick-start the old imagination...

I like this. I usually don't ask questions unless it's someone close, and they can always decline. Being pressed to say more (especially after I said no already) pisses me off, yet is really common in my culture. Extra angering when it's an invasive question with an attitude of "we're family, so I'm entitled to know."

With friends, they might ask but it's always respectful and I don't get badgered if I decline. People who can't do that, don't stay as my friends.

Nope. Still haven't heard from him about today. And no, haven't had any contact with him since our last session which I left in tears and very dissociated. I don't know whether to say it's only 8:30 or it's already 8:30. I mean, I know I have no life and he knows I have no life, but he could at least still try to respect my time a little bit.

I just had routine bloodwork done yesterday and got the results already this morning. Per the conclusions or whatever in the report my eGFR number (59) indicates that I have chronic kidney disease. I'm like, wth? Looking at past results, I see that my dr has never checked for eGFR before, and kidney disease has never once been mentioned to me! I wonder if that's some new thing or something, that test. All my other numbers she checked are in the reference range or whatever (glucose, TSH, cholesterol, etc etc etc). I'm feeling some stress and catastrophizing thinking trying to creep in, this coming at the same time as h's recent liver disease diagnosis. We'll be heading to his specialist appt soon to hear the verdict on how much damage. I guess next in line is going to be the dr sending me to a kidney specialist. Ugh.

Art, isn't the question how out of range that number is? If it's only slightly above or below normal, then it might be a blip or just something they'll keep an eye on. Especially if you have no other symptoms and this is the first time they did that test (so there are no previous results to compare).

There are 5 stages, and 59 is at the border of stage 2 and 3, where 1 is normal and 5 is failure. It is between mild and moderate. There might be some diet modifications.

I went thru this with my mom. My brother had her taking a lot of OTC supplements, and the doctor yelled at me like it was my doing! So she stopped taking the supplements and stopped eating so many sausages, and her number improved, which the dr said rarely happened, i think she went from 3 to 2.

There is tons of advice on kidney diet online from the natl kidney assoc, make sure its the legit one.

This is a good point. I've had numbers show slightly above or below the range, and the doctor hasn't even flagged them (and then they were normal the next time). I'd just try to wait to see what your doctor says, Artie.

Thanks @@. I guess it's just the timing with H's thing, is all. That helped me just take a deep breath and get the catastrophizing thinking trying to come, to recede a little. One thing at a time, right? We'll go deal with H's liver thing here shortly and I'll hear more about mine when I see the dr next Friday. Until then, I'm not going to focus on it. I'm already doing what I should be doing (eating healthy/exercsing) anyway, so there's not a lot else I can do right now anyway. Except realize that I'm going on 60 and this body has done a lot of living.

Thanks. I went back and re-read the paragraph on the results and it says "Stage 3a CKD". I did a little reading on the local kidney institutes website, and it mentions avoiding caffeine, so that's something I can stop immediately. I mostly drink water anyway in the past month or so. Thanks for the nat'l kidney assoc reference, I'll check that out too.

I think what really has the catastrophizing thinking wanting to start is that when I've had organ problems in the past, both times it meant almost immediate surgery to remove said part (gall bladder and appendix).

Thanks LT. Yeah, when I went back just now and re-read the paragraph on the results, I also notice something about how this particular test was not previously "in scope" or something so apparently whatever made my dr order that test now never was concerning enough before I dunno.

That makes sense!

My mother's GP was apoplectic on the phone to me when he heard. He was panicking like wth did this come from?! It IS very scary to hear. Honestly gwammy ate sausage or bacon every morning. The grease was thick on those walls.

I certainly hope you hear *something*...

He emailed me around 10 offering a phone session at noon. I told him I might be okay with a quick check-in. We'll see how that goes.

Hope it goes (went?) well.

Thanks. We ended up talking for half an hour. He knows that I was really hurt after our last session and that I was considering not coming back. We've agreed to meet Monday and talk everything through. We've worked our way through ruptures before and I'm sure we'll get through this one, it's just that in the moment it feels insurmountable.

Glad you were able to talk and that he knows you were hurt. Hope talking it through goes well Monday. I know what you mean about how ruptures can feel insurmountable in the moment, as I've certainly been there.

Hugs if wanted, NP. I'm glad that you were able to talk at least a little about it today. I understand how bad ruptures can feel, I still remember how abysmal I felt when L and I had the first big one (the one where I hung up on her during a phone session which feels like eons ago now and we didn't talk again until I finally called her like 3 days later to apologize). She told me when I called back to apologize that it is a relationship, and just like other relationships, it can be damaged but that it can also be repaired.

Home from the liver specialist. Very thankful that the results came back as good as can be expected, that his liver has some inflammation but no scarring or stiffness or whatever. He said that h has NAFLD (the non alcoholic fatty liver disease, which we already knew) and something called metabolic syndrome. I'd heard of that before but didn't really know anything about it. The dr recommended some lifestyle changes, of course. Basically that he needs to reduce his sugar intake, eat only lean meat instead of fatty hamburgers or whatever, and knock off the damn ice cream because it's a double-whammy, loads of sugar and fat both. H reacted as I fully expected like a 5 year old (as in saying to the dr "NO! I WON"T CHANGE!", but eventually he settled down and agreed that he would make some changes like eating ice cream only once a week instead of every day, switching to diet soda, and going to Subway instead of Burger King while he's out on jobs. I asked him if he would start walking with me to the mailboxes every evening and he said yes. The mailboxes here are twice as far from our house as where we used to live, but still not very far, but I'll take it over no walking at all. He loves trains, so I'm trying to entice him to walk with me on our trail in the evenings because almost every evening I see at least one train (the trail I walk is alongside the train tracks, well a safe distance of course but still pretty close.)

I am glad it is not terrible news. I do not believe any adult is responsible for what any other adult eats/ choices. Habits and changes are not always easy and people are motivated by different things.

I remember when my mother stopped smoking (sibling was having a child) and she insisted she was going to start smoking again as soon as the last grandchild was in college. There was no point in arguing with her about it - it would either happen or it wouldn't.

Thats great news, artie!

I inadvertently recorded my steps to the bus stop yesterday, and it was like a thousand! I was at 12% for the day! I had no idea it was so easy! Plus i was wearing my arctic-cool shorts and t's and cap. I really like them.

Also, by the time h gets done trying all the flavors of halo top and all the other fake ice creams they have out now, he could be healthy! A lot of people just food-process frozen fruit - ive done that, its pretty good. Its not moose tracks, but it'll still give you an ice cream headache!

P.s. i love trains too. I grew up hearing them all night, and i am like across a street from a track now.

The tracks are a couple blocks over from my house, but when there's a train going by, I can see it from my front door looking in between houses

Also glad it was good news, Artie! And that your H seems willing to make some changes.

I remember the first time my gp told me my liver numbers were bad. I was just signing the lease agreement for the first time of where i live now, so it was like 30 years ago, and i was sure it was a death sentence. I was like, how can i go from just walking around to being at deaths door? Then the liver dr yelled at me for gaining like 60 lbs in a short amount of time, blaming the nbrs on that, and i lived happily ever after.

With me!

PSA: using up some stale mini-marshmallows in jello you’re making turns out fine, tastewise, but looks odd.

The only dream phrase I ever got was "Barking blue dogs".