Couch 232: Not Sully!

You're the perfect insurance customer!

Yes, I understood that. I wasn't sure you were serious, though.

I have noticed that the 2 people who drive Teslas in my town dont drive recklessly i suppose if drive a ca rthat is the same value as a house you might be more careful

Scarlet, others have said so already, but I don't think you need to be in love with someone to be jealous and sad about such news either. I'd definitely react the same way if this happened with my T, and I'm definitely not attracted to him nor in love. It can seem like a threat to your relationship, as you said she might eventually have kids, move away with her partner, who knows. It's understandable to worry about these things and be anxious, especially if already in good times there's this part of our brain that says 'maybe this person will abandon me within a few minutes'.

Eh, I'm not sure about that. We have a Tesla as well, I can't drive but while my partner doesn't drive recklessly, he sure does like to floor it sometimes just to scare his passengers after a red light or to almost drift around corners where it's more or less safe. But, at least with Tesla you have all these self driving features that make it much safer than most other cars in most circumstances...

Lots of people here buy expensive cars because they are fast and they like to show off their speed as well, that can turn bad quickly. And the money seems to get to their head a lot, they seem to think they don't need to indicate lane changes, can squeeze in between two cars that have a safe follow distance, stuff like that. Maybe because they think that money somehow protects them, or because they know they can pay for the repair of the car?
Also, keep in mind that you don't need to pay off the whole car to drive it, so there's also the category of people who don't have money, spend it on an expensive car to have fun and are probably not responsible enough to care a whole lot about accidents - given that they'd be smart enough to spend less money on a car if they were responsible people.

Today is moving day! I'm so excited for my new apartment. Time to move on from ex. I may legit cry when they hand me the keys.

Hugs if wanted.

I can understand. Not judging .

I think women have a beautiful capacity to fall in love with other women, sex and lesbianism aside. I think the intensity of close female relationship can be intoxicating and those women we allow close are beguiling. Sex and sexual attraction are the least complicated and least nuanced part of intimate connections. It makes complete sense to me that you could be in love (with all the romance, intensity and fantastical feeling which are commonly experienced in sexual attraction love) without a sexual dimension.

More and more as I get older, I see sexual attraction as a red herring, almost as if its true nature is nothing but its biological imperative. A bit reductive and probably homophobic as it gets a bit close to the possibility of discounting same sex attraction, but I feel much freer and more excited by these other ways of experiencing love and intimacy.

Just to add, I am a lesbian.

Letting go of a fantasy can have its challenges. I think therapists expect clients to think they love the therapist.

Why would you want to let go of a fantasy? They can show us a great deal about ourselves. Getting lost in a delusion is a different matter of course, but fantasies are fruitful.

There is a 3 story multi family building across the street that has had its entire facade taken down and they are repairing and replacing the brick work/tuck-pointing. Brick layering is fascinating to watch I think

L responded to the email I sent her last night. She stuck in logic again. She's more interested in facts and analyzing why I feel this way than being with my in this grief. Like she mentioned that she's always been committed to her partner long-term ever since I've known her. How the hell does that make me feel better?

It means nothing has changed other than how you view it.

Just dropped in to send hugs all around for those who want/need and dignified head nods to the rest. I'm spending most of today working on my mandala afghan, am on round 38 right now. If I finish through round 40 today I'll post another pic. It's really an enjoyable project! Tomorrow, h and I are going to Bisbee for one night, staying in the same hotel we've stayed at before but a different room this time. I love old mining towns so much.

In my experience, therapy rarely makes me feel better and my therapist even less frequently so. It's hard work and it's painful, the "feeling better" comes long term and often in an intangible way. I am sure you know something similar for yourself. So really why would you want the quick fix of feeling better? For me, the work is in examining the pain I feel, not seeking her to soothe it (although I also desperately want that and am desperately hurt when she can't).

I'm sorry you're going through this, Scarlet. It's hard to count on somebody, and then find that they can't be there in the same way you would want.

I am sure that L will do the best she can by you. Are you able to trust in the relationship you've had up to this point?

Say hi to Paladin for me!

So she is trying to get you to "use your words" and analyze why? But "being with me" sounds to me like using your words to describe HOW you feel, or what - not why. Thats what ts have always pushed me to do. O course, it took me a long time to get the difference.

She might be feeling defensive? In over her head?

One of the biggest and most long standing challenges for me is to be able to identify what I am feeling and how I am experiencing it. The simplest sense of something can take me weeks to uncover and articulate. What something is like for *me* *now* (as opposed to me referring to the other or me responding anachronistically or from a place of transference) is so difficult for me. I really admire some people's fluency with their feelings, particularly how quickly people can have a felt sense of something.

I felt super jelly when my therapists wife got pregnant. Then she lost the baby during the pregnancy and my therapist got noticeably depressed. Of course I'm like why do you hate Me, I can tell you're feeling off. He said it wasn't about me but that my perception of his demeanor was correct. He never actually told me that they lost the baby. I found out thru other means.

Then she got pregnant again and I felt super jelly again. My jealousy stemmed from massive paternal transference. I wasn't jealous of his wife. I was jealous of their baby. I wanted to be the baby. Lol

Oh, yes, I still trust her. I still want the relationship with her. We were going over my progress just last week. There is definitely growth and I want to continue that. Even this all is growth for me. I just hurt, as she says, from my traumas.

I don't want the quick fix. I want understanding and to be accepted for my feelings and to be known. So often in my life, my wants, needs, and feelings get push aside, ignored. It is important to address the feelings first, then analyze the deeper why's.

I feel the same. I'm not jealous of L, I'm jealous of her partner. And we already talked about how I too would be jealous of the baby if L ever became a mother.

I also really think EM got it. It's the child parts of me that are hurting. The adult part of me is celebrating with her.

Hugs, Scarlet. I totally get that, the child parts of you being the ones that are hurting, while adult you celebrates with her. It's hard holding both of those at the same time.