Couch 233: Nothing’s Ghana Stop Us Now

I haven't seen my therapist in person since feb 2020 =[

I feel slightly less massively depressed. I had some chocolate. Must be some endorphins or something.

Chocolate (especially dark chocolate) contains tryptophan, which the body uses to produce serotonin, which boosts mood.

(Apologies - had to research, and then had to share. This kind of information hunting makes me happy.)

Thank you Lost!

Is he willing to meet outside at all? I thought I recalled you used to go on walks with him a long time ago.
I met with mine outside once in June, then we were in person in his office for a bit in July/August, then I met him outside once last month. Might see him next week outside once if the weather holds.

Privilege comes in many forms. But the privileged minority often fails to see that.

To be happy in adulthood is to be privileged.

It can be a choice.
The best part about being adult is that you have choice. Perhaps not a lot of choice -but some.

I'm sorry for all who have to do telehealth when they don't want to I've been lucky to have L in-person for many months now. Though come next year, if she moves, I'll be telehealth minimum 10 months of the year

Kit - I know you're feeling a little better now. Would it be good to take your PRN?

I prefer md telemedicine - I think I might have like it better for therapy as I would be in my own space and not theirs. I never liked being in their offices - when I left it was almost as good as leaving penitentiaries after going in to see a client. It was a great relief to leave.

I really want to meet my T in person, but it's just too risky for me. I'm high-risk, so I really play it safe by doing mostly telehealth and video. I haven't seen my T in person since March 2020.

That said, I am hoping that the booster works, however, because I need my periodontal disease looked at come January. That will be the riskiest appointment ever because it requires me to unmask indoors. And I don't want to catch something and give anything to my T, who is in her 60s. I want to be safe.

I do miss going outside. But I'm Asian, so I worry about being a victim of a hate crime, on top of the novel coronavirus and any other pathogen I'm not fully protected from. So, I have to wait until I make more safe friends to meet outside only. And I will still wear a mask outside and inside, because I live in a busy area and am a blue dot in a red state. When I do walk to and from my appointments (which are only about 1 mile away), I have to be extra careful when I'm alone. This wasn't the case before the pandemic, so I have an added stress level on top of this.

I didn't really believe in reincarnation before, but the pains of today make me wish in reincarnation today. I used to be spiritual and religious, but now I'm more spiritual and less religious. I've been harmed by religion so many times that I've had to receive trauma treatments for racial traumas, ritual abuse, and spiritual abuse throughout my lifespan. I've tried to upwardly mobilize, but the model minority myth has judged me harshly for my mental disorders and disabilities. I've tried to serve and push through, but my chronic fatigue only worsened and crippled me further. This pandemic has crippled and harmed me more than I've ever experienced in my life. I'm not able to rehabilitate anymore, as I was once on the track toward being able to attend grad school - but no longer. I'm not aging gracefully anymore; my mortality rate and lifespan has shortened by at least 10 years, even though I quit smoking (apparently, quitting only lessens the severity of disease, but it doesn't eliminate it). And I only smoked because I was given them for free as "patient cigarettes" in a psychiatric facility that threatened me to come out of my room or be admitted for a year. They got me to come out, gave me a free patient cigarette, and showed me how to smoke. They claimed that was progress, and after three weeks of being inpatient, I was let go. I then turned into a smoker. I never smoked before that. I reported the facility. They stopped handing out patient cigarettes. They also closed down years later. Good, I told myself, but not before it literally ruined my life. I'd rather have been depressed for a time than made an addict who never healed from that depression to begin with.

So when I think about all the injustices and judgments in the world, and when I see all the bickering and fights that adults make, the children and younger generations seem more sane and full of hope.

Ageism goes both ways, and the young should also be respected. There is a benefit to youth, and even proverbs and religion attest to that.

And even not making a choice is a choice.

"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice"

Indeed - I tell this to my students all the time

uhhhh...*eyes bug out of head*

I feel so fortunate that I've been seeing L in person again for awhile - I've already forgotten when we went back to in-person (since she works out of her home, it's not like in an office building where there would be a lot more people). She didn't care for Zoom sessions any more than I did. Although if our cases keep going back up like they've started to (317 new cases reported today in my county) and we have to stop in person again, I'm going to tell her I'd much prefer phone sessions over going back to Zoom. We are already both quite adept at phone sessions after all, having done them that way for the 2+ years when she was living out of state.

I'm gonna get myself all doomy gloomy if I keep thinking about stupid COVID so I'm going to go watch tv with h for a bit before I go to bed. Night couchies.

She was a character.

The thing for me is, I think Zoom actually works pretty well for me and Dr. T. I do still feel the connection there. It feels like we're making eye contact, even though it's via cameras and computer screens. And technological issues have been rare (but have happened at some rather inopportune times).

However, I do miss in person. I like being in a separate space for therapy and not knowing my husband (and sometimes daughter) are in the house, even if I block out the sounds well (fan outside door, sound machine inside door). I like the transition period of driving to and from while listening to music (I suppose I could listen to something at home--and I do sometimes--but it isn't the same). I like seeing T in 3 dimensions, making actual eye contact, and getting the full picture of body language. And I think it helps for him to be aware of my full body language as well, as there's much he wouldn't see on the computer (like maybe I'm clenching my fists below the screen or tapping my foot). It's also something that gets me out of the house.

I do want to keep the option of virtual for, say, a day when I'm feeling a bit unwell or it's snowing or icy.

And right now, I may possibly have the option to see Dr. T outside once next week, but it's very weather-dependent. Within a couple weeks, that option will fall completely off the table until probably March, unless we have a really unseasonably warm winter.

I just hate the not knowing or having any sort of timetable (other than "it definitely wouldn't be before Thanksgiving," which I'd assumed). Maybe that's better than him saying "Perhaps mid-December," then switching to "mid-January," then pushing it off more, I don't know.

yeah that unknown would probably drive me crazy. I am super lucky that I can see my regular T and art T in person. Everyone has to be vaccinated to be able to do so, but it is so much better in person for me.

I'm so glad I get to see P in person. He was recently out of town until today. We had two phone sessions and then missed a normal session. Phone sessions just aren't the same for me. Maybe it's because I live alone and don't see anyone in person normally besides him. In person is a big deal to me.

We were gonna start meeting outside this past summer but after his first session with a client outside the client called and told him he tested positive for covid. So my therapist nixed that. I miss going on walks with him

It's just crazy to think that its been almost 2 years since I've seen him!!!

Oh, that sucks, I'm sorry. It's understandable he'd be concerned, but also outside is supposed to be pretty safe.

He's extra cautious bc of his young son at home