Couch 235: Home State Advantage

Ugh, that is weird. And suggests she's bothered by your terminating.

Other, better ways she could have responded to that comment:
"Glad you like it."

"I just thought I'd try something different today!"
or simply "Good!" or "Thanks!"

I have to log onto work today for a meeting in about 5 minutes, but it's scheduled for only half an hour and they're paying me overtime for it, so it's no biggie. I suspect our Sup wants to give us a chance to vent a little about them extending the overtime another 2 weeks... she's pretty good about that.

I'm sad. Somehow my clean areas are all messy again. I've spent the morning sulking.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Monday and I don't want to tell her that not only have I not made further progress but I have regressed about 65% of the way back to where I started. Mostly for two reasons. 1) I don't want her to think she wasted her time helping me by providing accountability for a week. 2) I'm also worried about her thinking I'm being manipulative and trying to get her to waste more time on me.

It's so much easier to disappoint the therapist. Maybe because she never just tells me I did a good job, she always has to add something negative like how I shouldn't be out or did I also do this other thing. I think she believes in me about as much as I do myself. So doing a task isn't that much better than not doing it.

Idk. I'll try to at least get the cleaned areas back to being tidy this weekend. But right now I'm feeling too anxious to stir from my bed. I desperately want a distraction but I can't think of anything to do that doesn't feel intolerable.

Well that was a typical richard cranium move. Our director led the meeting and told us about these HUGE changes she is in the process of finalizing (!) that are going to impact our team greatly, mostly in a 'better for management than for our team' kind of way, and then at the end of the meeting says "Oh by the way, my last day is Feb 4. I took a job with a competitor." F'ing b****.

Artie is In A Mood.

Hugs if wanted, Susannah.

Are you upset because you are going to miss her?

No. I'm pissed that she's pulling the chicken-**** move of making all these changes and then leaving before the **** hits the fan when they don't work. It feels like she knows it's gonna be a cluster **** and doesn't want to be around for the aftermath.

Oh anger is such a fun emotion. Not. I am also fully aware of what I am doing. It's like, it feels marginally better to displace the anger at L and put it all on our director. I get it.

I'm not happy with our director, but much of this intensity is really about L.

I need to channel this anger. I'm going outside with the loppers and chop off the tops of the bushes in front of my window that I've been needing to do for months now.

Susannah, have you checked out Unf**k Your Habitat? It's a website and an app and it's geared toward people who have trouble with cleaning/organizing and (last I knew) it was particularly friendly toward people with mental health reasons for not cleaning.

That sucks, Artie. And classic move to do that on a Friday. I hope it doesn't work out too badly for you. H's organization seems to have a reorganization once every year or two, and it's always a bit nerve-wracking whether his job will be OK. They're doing one now, and his boss (who is staying the same, just her boss is changing) says it's actually a positive thing for them, but I still can't help but be anxious. Though maybe it will finally lead to H getting the promotion he's been promised for years...

Thanks LT. I hope your H's job is more than just secure and that he gets the promotion he's been promised!

Thanks! I need all the help I can get...

Well that's enough for one day. The garbage can is completely full (was empty before I started) and there's still more dead branches that need to come out. But, at least I got probably 3/4th of the dead branches out. Here's before and after pics. The bush will look better once I get the rest of the dead stuff out so it will all be the same height, at least. My arms feel all gumby and I worked up a sweat, got the old endorphins going, so I'm feeling a little less angry so that's a good thing.

Sadly though you can clearly SEE the rest of the dead stuff now. Oh, well. I'll finish later on today. It's too windy out there right now anyway.

Thanks, Artie!

I just tasted my batch of pineapple ginger kombucha - I like it. I used to make kombucha but couldn't keep up with drinking it. I just started making it again because I have been buying it and it is insanely expensive for what it is

Thanks LT and I agree.


So much weird stuff I'm realizing is weird after the fact.

I've never had kombucha, probably because I've been subtly predjudiced by someone who really doesn't like it.

Dr. T was working from home today in a different room than usual. I got to see his dog and cat again (hadn't seen them in over a year), plus their pet sea turtle. I noticed an aquarium in the corner, and he carried the laptop over to show me the turtle sitting on a ledge (I think there were also some fish that were hiding). Then he showed me again when it dove into the water.

I was concerned last session when he was wearing the dress shirt and said he had planned to start dressing more professionally again--which made me think he'd change his approach to be more, well, buttoned up. What was he wearing today? His All Day Hustle hoodie. I'd been prepared to have a conversation with him about my concerns, and it was like, "Well, I was worried about this, but..." He did reassure me he had no intentions of changing his approach, to become more cold (what he correctly interpreted my concern to be) or anything like that.

I've tried it a few times, including a pineapple one, and I just can't handle it. I'm normally fine with sour things and also like carbonated drinks (even prefer sparkling water to regular), but with kombucha, I just can't for some reason.

I just finished lopping off the rest of the dead parts of the bushes. They look better now and sitting here at my work desk, the sunlight isn't blocked as much as it was. What's left of the bushes still blocks people from seeing in from the street, unless they walk up the driveway. Not a lot of people walking on the sidewalks anyway, since we have the walking trail that goes around our subdivision. Most people walk on that instead me included.

I also did a couple loads of laundry this morning, the first of which should be dry now so I I need to go fold and put it away. Then gonna grill up a big batch of veggies (cauliflower, bell peppers, onion).

After the veggies are done I'm gonna settle into my couch in front of the TV, find something on netflix, and crochet a bunch more of those hearts.

I've never tried it. Had never heard of it til recently on here.

I can't mentally get past that gelatinous, floating yeast/bacteria monster.

It can taste a little vinegary but I like the taste.