[shamon86]

My current T and I have been working together 5+ years. I've had 2 other Ts before him, but he is really the only one that's made a difference. I've grown so much and I am definitely in a better place then I was when we first met.
Last year, we started cutting back our sessions, from one a week to once every two weeks and now once a month. The decision was both of ours. He has now created his own practice, which doesn't really work with insurance so I would be self pay. Before he left his former practice, he told me to think about what I could afford and let him know my decision. I texted him saying I could afford $50 (which was the amount he suggested) and was ready to schedule for next month.
He now says that seeing me once a month would be a disservice to me and that we'll work together for the next few months (or however long it takes to find a new T) and then not see him anymore.
I'm struggling with how I feel about it. I do feel betrayed, I've worked with him for so long and now he wants to end our sessions. He knows everything about my life and the way I think and starting over with someone else is really not something I want to do. I'm trying to reason with myself by saying therapy had to end at some point why not now? But I think because it wasn't something I decided or we both decided together it's different. And then I think about how silly it is for me to be so attached to him. I'm a 35 year old adult, I should be able to handle this. I don't know why this is having such an emotional effect on me, I don't have a history of people leaving me, if anything I've cut out relationships before myself. Are my feelings valid here?

[SlumberKitty]

HUGS, if wanted.

That sucks. Your feelings are totally valid. Why all the sudden is once a month a disservice after you have been doing it for how long? And it's not a mutual decision it's his decision and it feels like abandonment to me. I'm sorry you are experiencing this. That sucks. Really truly sorry. Kit

[Waterbear]

Your feelings are totally valid. It sucks. I think even more so because yeah, it isn't your decision, and I don't really understand what he is getting at. Maybe you guys can talk some more about it. I had my T of 5 years cut working with me too, recently, and it is taking me a long time to come to terms with it. I'm not sure I ever will actually come to terms with it to be honest, unless I can talk it out with her some more one day in the future. So, if I have any advice at all, (and if you want it) at least try and spend as much time processing this ending with your T. I personally think they should at least give you as long as you feel you need for that. Hugs if you want them. It's not a nice situation at all.

[Rive.]

It sounds painful.

I actually agree that once a month is a disservice to clients and a waste of money. Once a month is really not enough to do much (deep) work. It is more like 'maintenance' therapy or dipping a toe in but not fully committing.

What confuses me is that you are currently seeing him once a month. So why can't he continue seeing you once a month?

[RoxanneToto]

Your feelings are valid, it seems that he’s reneging on your mutual decision to meet once a month and has made a unilateral decision. It would have been different if he’d offered you a choice, or at least shared his thoughts about the service he’s providing you. It’s like he’s saying he’s not good enough, but kind of trying to shut down your disagreement?

[Etcetera1]

Originally Posted by shamon86

My current T and I have been working together 5+ years. I've had 2 other Ts before him, but he is really the only one that's made a difference. I've grown so much and I am definitely in a better place then I was when we first met.
Last year, we started cutting back our sessions, from one a week to once every two weeks and now once a month. The decision was both of ours. He has now created his own practice, which doesn't really work with insurance so I would be self pay. Before he left his former practice, he told me to think about what I could afford and let him know my decision. I texted him saying I could afford $50 (which was the amount he suggested) and was ready to schedule for next month.
He now says that seeing me once a month would be a disservice to me and that we'll work together for the next few months (or however long it takes to find a new T) and then not see him anymore.
I'm struggling with how I feel about it. I do feel betrayed, I've worked with him for so long and now he wants to end our sessions. He knows everything about my life and the way I think and starting over with someone else is really not something I want to do. I'm trying to reason with myself by saying therapy had to end at some point why not now? But I think because it wasn't something I decided or we both decided together it's different. And then I think about how silly it is for me to be so attached to him. I'm a 35 year old adult, I should be able to handle this. I don't know why this is having such an emotional effect on me, I don't have a history of people leaving me, if anything I've cut out relationships before myself. Are my feelings valid here?

I'm sorry. Yes your feelings are absolutely valid here, I can understand how this would not feel good at all with his sudden and unilateral decision without discussing with you first about the issue. I will say I would understand it also if you wanted to feel suspicious by any chance, because of how his decision seemed to come up after you told him you'd be fine with paying $50 for the sessions. But since he earlier was fine with that amount, it could be something to do with how he's seeing the new practice of his own working out. Maybe lots of people would be willing to pay more or something. Or maybe it's not to do with the money at all. But whether it's about the money or not, it does seem to do with how he's started his own practice now. So, if I were you, I would feel like this statement about it being a disservice to you is just an excuse, maybe to avoid conflict or disagreement with you. The thing is, only you can decide if it works for you, he cannot decide instead of you. I'm 99% sure that this isn't the actual reason for his decision. If I were you, I'd want to hear the real reason so I wouldn't feel so betrayed - though depending on the reason, it could still feel like betray, but at least the truth would be out there. But it's also totally possible that the truth would not feel so bad.

[Waterbear]

It reminds me of when Ex T said to me "I think it only fair on you" and "it's only best for you"... Etc. No. These are things she said to make herself feel better about the decision SHE was making. I need time to process the ending. With her. And she didn't give me that.

Sorry!!! Totally about me, but it's why I think it's important to try and at the very least ask him/make him make time for you to have the proper closure.