Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

I'm not sure if she's requiring me to do it. And if I can't see L, I'm definitely not doing it. I'll follow through with the assessment on Thursday...for now. I don't know if my schedule will fit within it. I'm not sure how their program works. Last time I was in IOP was when I was homeless at 18 and I was allowed to go for free on a grant to keep me off the streets.

If they are offering you extra support which it seems they are through this program, and you keep saying you don't have support why would you refuse it?

I'd refuse it if I can't see L at the same time or if they don't allow me to keep my other appointments.

I'm scared of the program really. I like people and am good with people, but am terrified of them. And my shyness kicks in to protect myself.

I will give it a try if everything works out. I do have my assessment on Thursday. I'm just really scared.

I have done something to my thumb - it has a huge purple bruise and is sore but I don't remember whacking it on anything. Maybe I have hit the stage in old age where I simply bruise at the drop of a hat. It isn't bad -just different. I remember my grandmother who looked like she had been in a bar fight if she so much as knocked against a piece of furniture

Could be worse, could be 8 exclamation points in 4 sentences.

Or interrobangs.

Hugs if wanted, Scarlet

I feel really hopeless. I'm really tired of scrolling through tons of job ads where its 10 hour, 12 hour shifts for "not a livable wage unless you live with pretty middle class family which also isn't abusive family".

Ive done something to my thumb too. Its like my hand is a generation older than the rest of me. My thumb "catches" when i bend it. Good thing im somewhat ambidextrous. Plus now my ear is whooshing. I can only hear it in the bathroom or else i'd be going nuts. Dr google says most cases are nothing to worry about. But i feel like bit by bit of me is decaying!

My dog is famous! Her new vet liked her profile picture so much, they unanimously voted to put her picture up on their Instagram...lol.

That's really cool! Hooray for you and your dog.

Hi Couchies!

So sorry to be away for so long. I was IP. I skipped my GP appointment last Tuesday and went to the ER in the hospital that I wanted to be put IP in. Only they did not have any beds. (Of course not!) So I got transferred to a second hospital. Bleh. It was okay though. I was really sick for the first two days until they could get my medicine. Then they changed up my psych medications and that was a doozy to try to navigate and manage. The first room I was in, the other two girls pretty much slept all day. So I called us the three sleeping beauties. Then I was moved to another room, and that roommate was okay but she snored a lot. They gave me ear plugs though. I was ready to go by Sunday but I didn't get released until Monday.

The staff and nurses and doctors were nice to me. Sometimes they were catty or kind of mean to the patients that were acting up. But they were good to me. The food was okay. They had snack times a bunch of times in the day. I missed not having Soda though! That was hard! The shower in the first room only had cold water. And the shower in the second room had scalding hot water. Go figure. The groups were pretty basic and lame but it was something to do. If I had to go IP again, I would go to that hospital if I had to. It wasn't too bad overall.

I feel really sedated from the medicine but I assume that is going to wear off. I hope anyway. I saw my GP today and she is requesting my records from there. I'm back at work too. So much paperwork to sort through! Oh my goodness! So much paperwork!

I see my T tonight on Zoom. That should be good. I am missing her right now.

Really tired because I cannot sleep in the hospital. But trying to push through the day.

HUGS to anyone who wants one. Kit

HUGS, Kit.

I'm proud of you for taking the action that you needed to take.
I hope you get your energy back soon, and I hope you have a useful session with your T.

Take care, my friend.

Thank you Lost.

Yes I really felt like I needed to be IP for a few days. It is a lot to try to manage though the whole getting yourself put in the hospital. I really wish the first hospital would have had beds because they are a better hospital but you know, I guess I was where I was supposed to be!

I don't know what Pdoc will think of my med change. They took me off a lot of medicine and then jacked up the dose on another medicine.

We'll see.

Work is overwhelming right now. I only missed 4 days of work but some people did parts of my job (and they didn't do it right) so I am having to go back and redo work and try to figure out what got done and what didn't. It is a mess. I wish they would have just left everything for me to do. It is much easier than fixing mistakes!

I'm glad I could get in to see my GP today. I called in the morning around 815 AM and they were like, we have a 945 AM today? I said, I'll take it!

I hope my T appointment is good tonight. I did talk to her for a few minutes when I was IP. Then we were supposed to have a session this Saturday at 6 PM but I am going to the Rams/Chargers preseason game so I asked if we could do another day, like Sunday even. She said yes. So I guess we will figure that out tonight.

Hope you are doing well also.

HUGS kit

Hugs, Kit. Hope you get a good night's sleep! Glad you were able to do what you needed to take care of you!

I have a call with my coach after work today, the first one even though I've already started doing the self-paced work in this CBT-based program that's through work. I'm hoping it will help with this stupid anxiety that's been getting worse lately. Last night I had a nightmare that I'd almost call a night terror or something because I couldn't wake up, h had to shake me to get me out of it. And I was screaming SO loudly that he was afraid the neighbors could hear me, and my throat still hurt this morning from it! Meh. trigger for subject of dream being a break-in

Hugs, Kit, I'm glad you found the IP to be helpful. I hope the new meds work out for you and that you have a good session with your T tonight.

Aw Artie, that sounds frightening!

Kit-so glad you are doing okay. you were missed 😊

Thank you Artie, LT and Velcro

I missed the forums while I was inpatient. I missed lots of stuff while I was inpatient. I did have my T's number and I called her three times (two times I left messages and one time I actually got through to her--although it was a quick conversation). I do feel more stable (but not completely stable). I was trying to be careful as to what I told my GP today so that she wouldn't worry.

My T is concerned because the psychosis hasn't totally resolved. She wanted to know from the nurses or doctor if the medicine would continue to make the psychosis better or if it was working at max capacity.

She already got my records from the psych hospital. I am still waiting for mine. I did get my records from the ER though.

It is nice to be back among family and friends. Although work has been challenging today. I probably should have taken the day off of work but I wanted to get back in the saddle as quick as possible.

HUGS all, Kit

Finished my first (phone) coaching session a little bit ago, now I'm cooking spaghetti - waiting for the water to boil. I have never done formal CBT before (well, i did play with the woebot app for a bit), so this is a first for me, but I feel already like this program is going to be helpful, my coach is easy to talk to and I think well-matched to me, as she said when she introduced herself that in addition to her coaching credentials, she's a reiki master. Anyway she outlined the program today, said I'll be setting goals and she'll be my accountability buddy or something, and that I can text her in the app anytime if things come up I want to talk about in our weekly phone call. I told her that I'd already spent years in open-ended therapy where I worked through a lot of stuff but what attracted me to this program is that it's all about tools and goals and my anxiety in particular, and has a definitive end. I think I've had enough of the open-ended, navel-gazing stuff. I'm hopeful that this is going to help me to get a handle on my emotions, help me learn to control my thoughts/emotions instead of just always letting them control me, so that I can finally start living only in the present instead of some weird convoluted combination of the past and the future. Something that my therapy never really properly addressed, I guess. Whew I just typed a lot.

That sounds encouraging, Artie! I hope the program ends up helping you.

Thanks, LT!

One of the things my coach mentioned yesterday afternoon was the circle of control/circle of influence/circle of concern bullseye thing. How I've never seen that before that I can recall anyway I don't know! I'm going to ask her to talk more about that next week and elaborate on just exactly how to let go of the things in the outer ring that I have no control over. I think when I'm in a highly anxious state like I've been lately I'm basically 'living' in that outer ring or something, kind of equates to how she said regret and shame keep us living in the past, and worry/anxiety/overwhelm we're living in the future, and we're not in the present. Stay in the present, in the center of our bullseye, where we have control. I was like I'm not sure how much control I have even over myself - mostly my emotions control me and always have. this is so very different from therapy with L already.

Artie - That sounds like what my L taught me about circle living/core-self. That the inner circle is your core-self. The next circle is thoughts and feelings. I don't remember the rest. But she says our core-self is not defined by our thoughts, feelings, or even actions.

But sometimes our circles overlap with others, and we have to remember that their stuff is not ours, that we can't control their circles.

It's really helped me to think of it that way.

I am interested in how our core self does not include our thoughts. Assuming that core self includes things like passions, beliefs, connection to others, spiritual experiences, and so on, it's hard for me to imagine these aspects without some element of thoughtfulness.

I guess because thoughts and feelings are ever changing, where our core-self is who we are. People can have "bad" thoughts and still their core-self is good. It's similar to how we are not our diagnoses.