Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

You all are entirely too quiet lately.

I have some boring training to do at work Monday and Tuesday all day, so I will have to miss my Monday session. I don't like that. I don't even want to do this training as it's "optional", but it was highly suggested I do it. 8 hours for two days in a row, online, and for a subject you're not particularly excited about is asking a lot in my opinion.

I’ll be home tomorrow after a very circuitous trip, deliberately so I could delay this moment. Back to my normal life in my flat.

But I don’t know what I will do without my mother.

I am in a training all weekend, one I want to take, and that's a lot to ask even for a subject you ARE excited about.

Sorry you have to do that.

So many hugs, @@. I think it must be hard to think about getting back to a normal that's so very not normal.

Hugs, @@.

Hugs to you... Will you have some things to keep you busy, to at least occupy part of your mind?

That sounds miserable, I'm sorry!

And everyone does seem very quiet on here.

It's too hot to talk!

I've been watching "London Kills" on Acorn.

My blood sugar and blood pressure were pretty good this morning. I was surprised cuz its been so humid and miserable. But i havent been overeating, i think ive been eating more normally. 3 smallish meals, minimal snacks. Normal is good.

My current binge-watching show is Castle. Not sure what I'm going to watch after I'm done with that.

My BP was not good. It was even worse yesterday. It would probably help if I took my medication. TW for suicidal thoughts, I guess.

When my mother passed away - I just stayed in bed for a month with Gilbert and Sullivan videos -literally only getting up to feed the pets and to walk the dogs. I was a little depressed and my person was in the UK writing her book. But time and the acceptance that my mother had lost her mother and my dad lost his father at the age of 9 and then his mother and they got on with life as well as the complete certainty that my mother would have yelled at me to get up and get on with it helped me.

NP - yeah thats my escape plan too. Only thing is, you / i wanna make sure you go all the way out. There have been geez at least 4 or 5 incidents at my apartment since ive lived here (almost 30 years), i think pills, altho there was at least one jumper. They dont call anybody in here to do the cleanup, its just the regular maintenance guys . I know they worry about me, because ive deteriorated in a way similar to one. Both highly intelligent, altho he had kids but was divorced. And we both got kinda shaggy looking, altho i havent ridden the elevators with my hoo-hah out, at least not yet! But re worrying about me - the guys are always super nice to me and engage with me, tho not intrusively, which i appreciate. More than what my stupid brother does.

Oh, i was saying about all the way out. Geez i dont want stroke damage. When my face got palsied ten years ago, i was like, omg. My visage wasnt so great to begin with, but omg. Then i was like, i guess i will live with this, just like everything else. Fortunately it evened back up. But it was weird that the hosp drs just assumed that was my regular face!

Then again, i dont like pain. Or hardship! So that makes me reluctant to do anything negative.

Are you on a mood stabilizer? I swear topamax made life FEEL tolerable. Better living thru chemistry, as we used to say in the sixties!

ETA - 215? That would give me a heart attack right there!

Yeah...I’m focused on the concrete things I’ll miss, like the daily email exchange.

LT, to answer your question, there is alreasy a crisis at work, a key faculty resignation with just two weeks to go before classes start. I will probably be picking up most of the slack there, unfortunately.

Yes - they sent me to my bed for a month. (not emails of course because I am old now -mine was before emails -but the same sort of thing).
I am not trying to recommend anything or give advice - other than suggesting that staying in bed for a month is probably not the best course of action but it also appears as though most people do not take things that far. It was a tad silly of me looking back.

It is hard. It is simply hard.

Hugs, @@.

Hi couch. Hugs and head nods all around as appropriate/wanted/needed.

Well my son just got back from another visit to the new city he's moving to, they found an apartment and have their move-in date scheduled for 9/1, and he's starting his new job like 3 weeks earlier than originally planned. I don't know how he's gonna pull off such a big move so quickly - I wouldn't be able to. But, they are young and excited so that will help I am sure. Seems a huge, daunting undertaking to me at 60. But, I remind myself, H and I moved from Missouri to California driving a U-Haul and towing my car when I was in the early months of being pregnant - an even bigger move than what they are doing - and I was 24 years younger then. I'm still sad that he's moving away but excited and happy for them at the same time. It's going to feel weird knowing he's not just a 15 minute drive away anymore.

Also, I found out about a new program that we have available through work that's $0 cost, an 8-week virtual behavioral coaching program. I've started working through that to see if it gets me back on the right track. 8 weeks to learn some new skills and stuff is a do-able commitment, I think, and besides it's fully covered by my insurance so... seems like just what I need right now. And being virtual I can do it from home or wherever.

My poor Penny girl is still traumatized/mad at me for taking her to the vet's this morning. She is refusing to eat her dinner

Congrats. Definitely take advantage of that, it sounds great. I'm not sure about anyone else, but my work gives free access to a mental health site called MeQuillibrium. It has daily articles, relaxation breathing apps, daily affirmations and hundreds of skill classes to cover whatever topics you need help with.

Improving one's mental health is hard work that requires self initiative. Kudos to you and your employer.

Ugh. I have day three of training tomorrow.
It's on Zoom, for eight very long hours. Hours are longer when one is on Zoom, pretty sure they're like 1000 minutes long or something.

It's east coast time, so 5 a.m. for me. I wasn't even sure 5 a.m. was a real time, I kind of thought maybe it was a thing morning people made up to make the rest of us feel guilty. Turns out 5 a.m. is real but super stupid. I'm going to try to go to sleep now even though my brain thinks I should be awake until midnight.

This study does validate much of what I feel lol. Insurance-based or universal healthcare.
Barriers to accessing and continuing mental health treatment among individuals with dissociative symptoms - PMC

I'm tired because I spent 9 hours, all standing at a job. No chair to sit down even for a bit. Then long commute. I suppose "at least" it wasn't 14 hours a day.

Actually glad I stood up for myself against my fiancé. I'm angry that I wasn't so adamant earlier. I'm angry that my fear won in the past.

Wish there's minimum wage. This is why so many people stay with violent family members even when faced with life threatening violence, useless cops, and useless social services. Rent shot up and isn't coming down.

She’s a cat. Not only is she manipulating you, she’ll get over it.

*new cat nods her head sagely in agreement*

My ex was funny about stuff like that. He never farted in front of me either. Also, we never talked about bathroom habits, never mind peed or did number 2 in front of each other. I was fine with that as I've always felt that doing so takes something away from the relationship. I appreciate everyone is different. Another partner I had many years later was the total opposite and used to burp and fart and talk about his bowels all the time and to be honest it put me right off, but then I was never that attracted to him to begin with. Maybe if I had been it would have been different.

I've lived alone for a long time and have recently embarked on a 'thing' with a long term friend. Those issues haven't emerged yet but I like to think there's a happy medium somewhere which involves us not making a point of farting etc in front of each other but by the same token not having to hide it if one of us has a stomach ache or something.

Fuzzy - 5am is get up and pee then go back to bed time.

I had to learn the hard way that if my ex had been in the bathroom and tried to get me to come in there for any reason, and especially if the reason was "come look at this", the correct response was "yeah, no thanks".