Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

I hope that if you do later feel you can benefit from a half day or day off, that you can take that. You're a very dedicated coworker to your team, and I really respect that.

Really off-topic: I never read "suck it up" (in a similar context) as passive-aggressive, but my T really bristled at me using that phrase once. My first and only time I used it too. It's still puzzling to me.

Thanks Quietmind2

I decided to ask for 2 hours off tomorrow, work like 6 AM to 1 PM or something like that. At least it will be the start of the weekend and hopefully I can just chill and rest and recuperate.

Hmm. I've never thought suck it up is passive-aggressive either. I don't tell other people to suck it up....but I do tell myself that!

HUGS Kit

My Pdoc probably hates me. I've been pestering him too much, last week for the hospitalization, this week for medication changes, a couple of months ago because my GP was freaking out. UGH.

The hospital took me off one of my anti-depressants and two of my anti-psychotics and raised the dose by triple of the third anti-psychotic. I think the anti-psychotics are fine, not that I am not having hallucinations because I am, and I am also having dizziness and stuff which I figure is from the A/P. But I think I need the A/D back. So I messaged my pdoc through the portal and asked him if I could restart the A/D that the hospital took me off of. I am waiting for a response. He probably hates me right now. I can't handle this depression. It's too much.

I talked with a crisis line during my lunch break. She didn't really have any useful suggestions but it was sort of nice just to be able to talk about my thoughts in a non-judgmental platform. Kind of took the edge off of things.

Kit, I'm sorry you're struggling so much at the moment.

I feel certain your P-doc will appreciate you reaching out for help, especially if the hospital has done something that could potentially have an impact on you long term.

HUGS.

I agree, Kit, that your pdoc would prefer you reach out in this sort of situation. It really seems like they took you off too many medications at once--I always thought you were supposed to make more gradual changes with psych meds. If the antidepressant was an SSRI or SNRI (like Effexor or Cymbalta), then you're definitely supposed to wean off of those rather than stopping suddenly (unless you're going right onto another SSRI or SNRI, which would have similar effects--at least, that's what I've always been told). Not sure about the other antidepressants, like MAOIs or the ones like amitriptyline (tricyclic, I think?)

Yes, the A/D that they stopped cold turkey was the Cymbalta. I feel like crap. I'm super depressed. It's like my brain is crying. I thought changing three medications at once was a lot. The nurse kind of indicated that she thought so too but of course she couldn't really say anything. She just said she would keep talking to the doctor but the doctor did whatever he wanted. So I haven't had Cymbalta in 9 days I think. It might be out of my system by now. The nurse asked me if I had any concerns about the medications and I said I was worried about my depression coming back super strong because of reducing the medications. But I don't know if she did anything with that information. I have a request for my medical records from the facility. They said it takes 3 to 5 days. And I guess they won't email them. Which is B/S because they emailed them to my T. I kind of want to ask my T to email them to me but I am trying to do things the right way, through the right channels.

HUGS Kit

I am seriously craving some chocolate right now. Maybe when I get off work in 45 minutes I will have some chocolate milk or something. That might suffice.

Must be stress.

Well my youngest niece survived her first day of Kindergarten.

My sister sent me before school and after school pictures. In the after school picture, my niece is wearing some kind of paper hat that they colored. I am surprised she colored because she doesn't like coloring, and when she does color she DEMANDS markers but it was nicely colored (for a five year old) in crayon. Maybe she saw the other kiddos using crayons and wanted to fit in. And, she actually kept her hair up all day, and did not pull out the elastic bands from her pigtails. I am astonished. Small victories/miracles.

My sister said that when it was time to drop her off at school she anticipated a big scene with tears and meltdowns and the like. But she walked through the gate in the fence like she owned the place. And she said when she got picked up that her day was long. Lol.

Probably because baby girl stays up until 11 PM or 12 AM and now she has to get up for school early in the AM. (My sister and brother-in-law don't believe in set bedtimes, just that children will go to sleep when they are tired. Shrug. I don't know. I don't have kiddos. We had a bedtime growing up, but I don't know if that is common or uncommon.)

My Pdoc got back to me. He said I could restart the Cymbalta. I usually take 30 mg twice a day. So he said take only 30 mg for a couple of days and then work my way back up to 30 mg in the morning and 30 at night. Whew. I hope this gives me some relief.

I also got a chocolate bar at the liquor store next to work. Yum. It ended my craving for chocolate. Stupid stress.

I hope it helps, Kit! Along with the chocolate.

Glad you are back on the Cymbalta.

Assessment went well. It was more facts than an assessment. The nurse was super nice. She thinks I could benefit from the program, however, I don't need intensive treatment. I'd have to go 3 days a week, but their mandatory Fridays will conflict with my session with L. I can see L while in the program though. She said they'd put me in the women's group and the groups are based off of DBT and CBT. It sounded intriguing, however, I'm not willing to give up my Friday session with L, it's a far drive and they don't do telehealth, and I don't really want to fill up my week with groups. So I think I'm going to turn it down. But I may be interested in a skills DBT group in the future.

One great thing about going: I told the nurse I hate my new pdoc. She said a lot of people feel that way. So she gave me a list of other pdocs. I contacted 2 and one already got back to me. My appointment is Monday! I said I was looking for a kind pdoc, and they still responded to me. So maybe...? I have a little bit of hope.

Scarlet, I'm glad the assessment went well, and I understand why you are choosing not to go. In terms of DBT groups, when I was researching them recently, I found a couple in my area that meet online, so you'd likely be able to find that (and then you're also not limited by how close they're location to you).


Also, I hope the new pdoc works out! I imagine it helps to know that lots of other people don't like your current pdoc as well.

Hi Couch,

I've just sent R a mid-break email letting her know about the procedure I'll be going through next Friday. Is that weird?

I'm trying to persevere with the project I said I would complete over the break, but the Critic's having a lot of unwanted input.

Hugs, Lost--I don't think it's weird. Will she respond over a break? (Mine will, but I think that's somewhat unusual.) Even if not, I understand how it can help to just send the email.


And don't listen to the critic! I know, that's easier said than done, as mine can be quite loud as well.

Thanks, LT.

I think there's a difference between knowing who my support people are, and feeling comfortable reaching out to them. I don't know whether she'll respond, but I'm taking her at her word when she said 'Please feel free to email, if anything happens with this, or just life...'

Up early on a day off, have a dr appt at 8:30 have to leave in about 20 mins. Just a routine thyroid checkup, nothing wrong. Then I will be finishing laundry, and doing some crocheting, I came across a cute pattern for bookmarks to hand out for the random acts of crochet kindness thing. I haven't left any around town lately, just hadn't been in the mood to make anything but this pattern inspired me.

hugs/head nods all around as needed/wanted/appropriate.

Thank you LT.

The chocolate definitely helped! I think the Cymbalta is already helping...but it could be a placebo effect. I really don't care as long as I am not in the depths of despair like I was. Plus I am taking 2 hours off of work today. That doesn't sound like much but it means I will be off around 1 PM. So even though it is only 2 hours off, it will feel like half a day. Trying to think of ways to do good self care over the weekend.

HUGS kit

Thank you downandlonely

It didn't make sense to me why the hospital took me off of the second antidepressant and just left me on Trintellix.

On my 5250 page it said patient is severely depressed. I would think they would not want to pull me off of AD's but who knows.

HUG Kit

I'm glad the assessment went well, Scarlet.

When I did IOP last year, I couldn't see an outside T. I wasn't liking the T that I was going to, so it was not a big deal to me. But the time involved in IOP was definitely a challenge. I hope things go well with your new Pdoc. HUG Kit

Hi Lost

I don't think that it is weird at all that you reached out to R. I hope that she will be able to respond even it is short like--I hear you and I care about you or something.

Sending you hugs Kit

Hope your Dr Appointment goes well Artie!

Yeah, I don't tell others to "suck it up" too, just myself.

Hmm, I'll probably ask my T sometime about why she reacted so strongly. I'm also quite bad at detecting passive-aggressive from others.