Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

Whenever I watch talks and events with captions, that is my first thought. The accuracy is atrocious most of the time.

Live captioning is the bare minimum for people with hearing impairment, I believe. I'm not sure what the answer is. I'm sorry you were so badly let down.

Definitely! We can disagree about student loan relief or military spending or all sorts of things... but racism and denying other people the right to exist (LGBTQ) are non-negotiable. That's not a disagreement, that a moral question.

However...I might still go meet one time. I'm not sure what I would do, honestly. But if anyone brings up politics or religion, I would make a loud comment about how my mother taught me not to discuss those topics with people I don't know well. (Or something even harsher, depending on what they had said.) But I live in an area that's at least 60% Republican. The current Republican Party, not the one I grew up opposing from the 1980s.

Whatever decision you make, I wish you peace.

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I wrote a stream-of-consciousness email to my T. She said it was an important email and that my insight was good and I was able to explain my internal struggle. She also said I am inspiring her. Which is a nice thing to say but freaked me out a little honestly. I read it and I'm like it's all jumbled.

I have therapy tonight. I need therapy tonight. I hope that either her internet is better or we just talk on the phone. Either way. I like seeing her but I don't like having it all choppy and freezing a lot and stuff like that.

Oh, and I couldn't get my bank to link to PayPal even though I can use my debit card there. So I still had to pay the fee but I paid her $0.60 less so that way we split it. Zelle was so much better.

Oy. So I think I have gotten myself into a situation with a stranger that I wish I hadn't.

This isn't exactly about therapy but I'm posting it here because as you all know I tend to have trouble with boundaries.

So I'm in a religious Facebook group. And about a week ago someone posted that they really needed gas money to get them through until Wednesday this week. They posted their Venmo name. So I sent them some $ because I had some I could send. Well now this person has sent me 2 more requests for money, through direct messaging. It's smaller amounts like $50 or $30. So each time I have sent the money. Yesterday she (I'm assuming she because it is a women's Facebook group and the name is feminine) sent me back $30 so I was like, okay. That's good. Because I honestly just thought it was going to be gone forever. But then today she direct messaged me again for $30. So I sent it, reluctantly. A) I don't get paid until Friday so I need to have a little left over for me just in case. B) This is the third time in about a week she has asked for money. And it's a little annoying for one, and I'm a little leery now too. Because the first ask was supposed to get her through to this week.

To be clear we are not friends on Facebook. I don't know this person at all. She said she would pay me back tomorrow for the money I loaned her today. I guess the original $50 I am not getting paid back, whatever, that's fine. I'm thinking I want to block her somehow after tomorrow, if she does pay me back, from being able to direct message me. I think asking a stranger three times for money is kind of weird, in one week. What was meant to be a blessing to her has now become uncomfortable for me. I hope she pays me back but if she doesn't, she doesn't. C'est la vie.

Does anyone else think this is weird? How do I unentangle myself? Should I wait until tomorrow to block her to see if she will pay me back? Ugh. I had no idea what I was getting into.

I guess, what she says is first she needed gas to get her child to school. Then it was diapers and formula because she just had a baby early this month. But her grandma was going to send her money so I guess that is how she paid back the $30. Then now it is gas again and laundry soap and dinner.

I don't know what to think. But I don't want to keep being her bank either. But then I feel like I am not being religious enough if I say no. Or maybe I won't be able to say no--hence why I want to block her.

I don't know. Kit

I doubt Jesus or God would want you to be taken advantage of in their name. This person is just taking advantage right now because you showed empathy to a stranger. There are social services available to people. If you feel the need to be charitable, I suggest donating to one of those services where the people can be vetted and helped appropriately. Please don't send this person any more money. Even if they're not outright lying to you, you've helped them more than enough. You could always tell them you can't help anymore if that makes you feel better, but they're a complete stranger and you should not feel bad just not responding or blocking them altogether.

Thank you NP_Complete. I definitely needed an opinion that was from outside of my own head on this one. My gut instinct is to help, but then if she (assuming she is a she) asks at a time when I can't help then I am going to feel bad and that could end up with me acting out some behaviors on myself that I am trying to stop. I can just see this getting to be a habit with her because of the frequency of asking already. Maybe it is easier to ask a stranger for money than someone she knows well. I don't know. I just know my uncomfortable meter is lighting up and I am trying to pay attention to it. I will block her tomorrow (I looked up how to do it online because I have never blocked anyone from Facebook messenger) after I see if she pays me back or not. I don't want to go through another round of this.

Thanks so much for answering my question. Kit

I agree. There are some groups I'm in that actually don't allow anyone to ask for money in the group for the reason that people can be taken advantage of. People can share resources, like local food pantries, etc., but aren't supposed to send money. The problem is, people can join under false pretenses and then scam people out of money. Which is what I'm concerned is going on here, that she isn't actually a mother in a bad place.

I agree that you shouldn't give any more to her, Kit, and should probably just block her now. If you want to see if she sends anything back, that's fine, but don't give her any more money. If you feel bad not doing so, just say you gave all you can and can't give any more. Also, I'd report her to the group.

Slumber, there are catfish in facebook groups. Report them and block them. And block anyone else who claims to know her, or who offers to help you get your money back.

Also look up youtube "catfish" videos.

I agree with everything that's been said here. Having been in a similar situation with someone I once called a friend who turned on me when I was going through a rough time...I don't lend money any more.

Thank you LT. I went to the group to find the post but it must have been deleted because I can't find it, and I searched for her name. I found another post that she answered to and the lady specifically said, please don't offer funds, just need prayer and this person that I have been helping was offering to give her some funds because she had received more than she needed. Then the first person said that you aren't supposed to ask for funds in this group and the person I have been helping said she had bills and couldn't really help anyway. I don't know, something seems off. I think I am just going to block her now. The worst that could happen is that I am out $80 but when I give money I don't usually expect it back. I'd like for her to pay me back the $30 because she said she would, the $50 I will just consider it a gift and move on. I feel soured toward helping her. I like to think I have a giving heart but I already have a charity that I support a lot and I know it is doing good there. And I know helping at my Church's food distribution (usually I help with time, other times I help with funds or actually buying food but usually just time) is a good thing to do and I feel good about helping there. But when you don't feel good about helping, something must be wrong. So I am trying to listen to that warning light. I am going to take your advice and just block her now. I'd rather be out $80 than go through another round of why she needs more money. Thanks, LT. HUGS Kit

H left about an hour and a half ago driving son's car up to him. He plans to get there a couple days later than they plan to, just in case they add an unforeseen extra day to their trip or something. He'll be taking the train back, so I've got the next like 6 or 7 days by myself. I won't have to cook at all, that's for sure; my son left a bunch of food in the freezer and I brought it all home with me because it's all stuff I like too. He's like me when he finds something he likes on sale he buys extra and freezes it so I have a box an a half of frozen taquitos, and 2 boxes of twice-baked potatoes, stuff like that. Also they didn't have room in the moving-pod-thingie for their kitchen table/chairs so we're gonna pay him for that and keep it, and sell ours. His looks a lot nicer than ours does in our current house!

Thank you Lost, and unaluna

Artie, enjoy the "me" time with Hubby gone. Hopefully you will have a blast doing whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it, while you have the house to yourself. Enjoy!

Artie, have you done more crocheting?

Love taquitos.

Yes, I love taquitos too! There is a place in the town I used to live that has the BEST taquitos and guacamole and I don't even like guacamole and I like theirs. Gosh I haven't been to that place in years. I know they are still there but literally the only time I go to that town is tax season to get my taxes done.

Lately, I've been on a grilled cheese kick. They had them at the inpatient hospital. So I had one like every day and they microwaved them. (They must have made them in the morning or something.) So ever since I realized you can make them ahead of time and microwave them, I've been eating grilled cheese a lot more. Except that it kind of reminds me of the hospital when I do that, but it wasn't too bad staying there for the most part, so it's not like traumatizing to eat the grilled cheese.

Grilled cheese...

For those of you not in the U.S.A. Monday is Labor Day. Not everyone has it off but banks, post office, some workplaces like mine has it off of work. I wonder if I should take Friday off and have a 4 day weekend? It is looking really tempting.

Yeah, I am going to take Friday off and have a four day weekend.

Thanks LT and Mobius I was feeling strange the other day when i wrote this because i feel like i should be a bit more friendly but these neighbours force 'helpfulness' on to me. They used to come into my yard when i was out and mow my lawn which i really thought was an invasion of privacy and i guess it really it is, but they dont come into my yard anymore and just mow my nature strip. I guess i was just upset because they were talking about the organisation who resettles refugees that bought a house in our street, they were not at all nice about it.

Not since I was making the flower bookmarks. But thank you for asking, as soon as I get off work today (in about 10 minutes or so) I'm going to get out a couple of my crochet books and find a new project to go start on!

And go to my netflix list to find something I've been wanting to watch but haven't yet!

Oh and today's Tuesday, so I have my 15-minute coaching call an hour after I get off work. I'm not ready for her, I need to finish this week's activities before she calls.

That sounds like an excellent plan!