Couch 239: Cape Coral Couch

Thanks NP. You're right, he won't see a t. Has refused in the past. That's a good idea I'll make sure to go with him to his next GP appt and bring it up.

This morning I attended the online (back in Missouri, it was in person but also live on facebook) celebration of life for my one of my childhood friend's Dad who passed earlier this week. She gave a very touching tribute, I was bawling all over again. It has been a tearful week.

I agree--this would bother me, too, for the same reasons. Maybe he feels he's fulfilled his duty to his son, but what about his duty to *you*, Artie? The whole wedding vows thing? It's not fair to you if he decides to just give up.

And I also agree that you should look into possible medication, though I imagine he might be resistant to that as well. If nothing else, it would be good to get things like his vitamin D and B12 levels tested, as deficiencies can lead to depression. His thyroid, too. He's already on some medications, right? I wonder if depression could be a side effect of any of those.

And hugs, Artie.

That’s good, sad about the dog of course. While at moms you could maybe apply for subsidized housing. Those could be pretty nice

yeah, he is on several rx meds. Thanks LT, I'm going to look up side effects from them.

eta: not sure why i didn't think about that, working for a pharmacy. he's on Xarelto for life because he had a DVT awhile back - and anxiety/depression are a side effect of that medication. Every time the dr tries to take him off it, he gets symptoms again, so they put him back on and now have said he'll have to be on it for life. I wonder if that's contributing...

Honestly, I think he may unconsciously feel like he fulfilled his duty to me when he stayed with me through my very dark period when I was suffering from depression myself, before I had my breakdown/went to p-doc and got on meds back in 2008. I know I must have a nightmare to live with. He's never said it in so many words but it has crossed my mind.

Hugs, Artie. I sincerely hope that's not the case. But I get the fear. I often feel like I'm a nightmare for my H to live with. This seems like the sort of discussion that would be good for marriage counseling, but I suspect your H also wouldn't want to go to that.

H just texted, he's on the train starting his journey home. I'm hoping the beautiful scenery he's going to see (he's on the Amtrak Coast Starlight heading south to Los Angeles, then will change trains back to here) will cheer him up a little. It's a train trip he's always wanted to take, the portion that he's on now.

Thanks, LT. I have asked him several times to go to marriage counseling but he refuses. I think I'll mention all of this to my coach when I talk to her on Tuesday. She may have some suggestions for dealing with him, she's been really helpful for me with regards to son moving. I've been using the tools she's taught me to be able to sleep at night, to silence all the worries and what-ifs that tend to circle in my mind at 3am and keep me awake, so she may have some thoughts for this, too. We're already halfway through the 8-week program, time goes by so fast.

I wonder if he'd be up for volunteering, Artie? Like a big brother? He could help be a father-figure to a boy in need. Maybe that would give him purpose in his life?

Does he have passions? Hobbies? Dreams? Maybe encourage those or even a group that participates in those things.

I've been texting L's coworker today. She's really nice and reminds me of L. I shared with her the house I'm designing for L and she really liked it. It was nice just having contact with someone, knowing that someone safe was there.

That's a good idea, Scarlet, thank you. He used to umpire high school softball, but hasn't done that in years. Not sure he could still physically do it, but maybe something with high school sports. He wants to buy an RV and travel, but we can't afford that and I can't just take a month off work, either.


Speaking of hobbies though, he has over the years collected all the stuff to build a backyard railroad, but he has not started setting it up yet. When he gets back home I think I'll suggest that once monsoon is over, he start spending time getting that set up in our backyard. It took him years to buy all the track, engines, and train cars a little at a time and now he's got enough to do it. He just hasn't started yet. I am gonna buy him a model train magazine or something to get him inspired, I think that working on that might be really good for him. It's been raining so much lately not sure he'd get very far with it til the rains are done!

That's a good idea to ask her. Also, if you're finding the program helpful, maybe you could look for a CBT therapist to work with for a bit and/or ask this coach for some resources to use at home (like workbooks, etc.).

This! Great ideas both. Thank you.

My therapist is changing offices on October 1. Same building, different floor, faces a different direction. I don't like this at all. He asked my opinion on flooring samples yesterday. I doubt he actually cares, but was probably trying to make it feel less out of my control or something. It is out of my control though. What if there's no waiting room in this new office? What if that floor doesn't have seating by the elevators? I feel like I want to go full toddler and say "I don't like this!".

I miss L immensely!

I have a home subscription to the National Theatre. I just watched Much Ado About Nothing which was a bit frenetic for my tastes -Shakespeare's comedies are not my favorite of his plays. I am hoping they put Jack Absolute Flies Again on the app

Henry VI Part 2 seems to be the lawyer play, because of That Line. (Yes, I know it doesn’t mean what it seems to mean, how very lawyerly of it.)

Jack Absolute Flies Again is described as “rollicking,” which sounds quite frenetic to me.

I like the Henry plays. All the historical ones really.

Jack Absolute has a fast and furious Charleston dancing scene - I am sure that will be frenetic.

Hugs NP, Scarlet, and anyone else who needs/wants.

Well I pried my eyes open early this morning and worked a half day for the holiday pay (double time). H isn't home yet so why not make some extra money, right? Y'know I have not missed him one bit while he's been gone. I've been commander of the remote control (or whatever you called it Una!) and crocheting, last night I started making little bats for Halloween. Black yarn is so hard to work with at my age - at any age really - so I use my trusty lighted hooks. They're not as comfortable as the ergonomic ones my sister and her bf gave me a couple years ago (in exchange for me making him slippers) but for little things, they're okay.

Fancy, lighted hooks!!!

It was nice to have a 3 day weekend. It turns out I can easily sleep two days in a row, but not so much 3 days. I’ve been trying to keep busy. Forced myself to vacuum (I like vacuuming, but this POS carpet gets stuck in the brush roll every two minutes), did a little art and journaled. But its only 4 pm!

H possibly has two job offers! One as lead instructor and another as a marketing director. I'm personally hoping for the marketing. Makes around 30k more than teaching! We could then cover all our devts and even save money. We could start paying off the old apartments and pay H's mom back. Omg, it would be so nice to be financially stable! The marketing job CEO told H to stop looking for jobs. That he'll know next week.

That sounds so relieving Scarlet. Does this throw away your plans to divorce him, still?

Divorce will be delayed if he gets a job, sadly. I still want to, but he won't. But I still have my plans to get physically and mentally healthy. Then will be the time to either divorce him for real, or maybe try to get a part-time job? I need some income for myself.