Couch 240: The Vanadis Couch

Artie, I just wanted to say that, with regards to the last part, I am very much in the same boat. I hope it will settle down in time, for both of us. And with regards to the first part, I am working with a new T now, in a VERY different way, and so far so good. It isn't a given that you'll get trapped in the same dynamic as before. Especially if you choose a T who works in a different way, maybe... Just wanted to throw that out there.

@@, thats why your my girl. You know whats TRULY important.

Little Girl Really Loves Snacks | It's terrifying how accurate this is ?? | By UNILAD

Proceed with caution, Artie! I am also working with a new therapist and it is bloody horrible. I feel unknown and lost. Sometimes, I feel huge waves of despair. I hope this will shift and I can build something new, but I am not close to that right now. Things will certainly be different with someone new because it can't be the same. However, different is not necessarily better. Also, if you have unresolved needs and patterns in relationship to others, it seems likely to me that they will show themselves in a new relationship, regardless of how different the practitioner is. They belong to you, after all.

I have usually found that I make a nice bit of progress right away with a new therapist who is a good fit (not counting the ones where I see them once and never return!) because I'm getting the best of their new (to me) bag of tricks. So that could be a relief for the acute discomfort. You really don't know what the relationship will be like because unfortunately the only way to know is to be in it.

I loved her first book. Have untamed in the house but have not yet opened it!

So.... I don't know how I missed the email friday afternoon, but I just saw that I have an appointment with pdoc friday morning at 8am. Somebody must have cancelled. I don't want to go back on meds, but I really don't want to go back to therapy right now, and I need help with this, so I'm going with the one I feel least resistant to. Hopefully I'm making the right decision, well, I'm pretty sure at least he's not going to just give me a prescription for no reason if he thinks I'd be better off with therapy... so I'll leave that to him. It's a virtual appt so I don't even have to drive there so that's good.

I feel like a weight has begun lifting off of me.

Of course I’m your girl. Was there ever any doubt?

In the context of snacks, I can report that Trader Joe’s GF pumpkin streusel muffins are decent. Could use more streusel imo, but couldn’t everything?

Don't know if they're GF, but TJ's pumpkin spice pumpkin seeds are deliciously bingeable.

I kind of like TJ gluten free pumpkin bagels like once a year (I am not a big bagel person other than the Tzitzel kind I used to get from a Kosher butcher/ bagel shop/deli - they were delicious -but alas it closed a long time ago)

That was my reason for going to TJ’s in the first place, my annual bag of pumpkin spice bagels.

My sister claimed her TJ’s had apple caramel mochi, but I saw none.

I have seen the apple caramel ice cream mochi at ours - I think they were the ice cream sort -they were in the frozen section with the other ice cream mochi

I feel like I'm wound so tightly right now that every stupid little thing has me crying. H is becoming very aggravated at me for it. Everything is stressing me out. Tools are not helping. I want to scream. I had to call the bank for something minor and when they asked for identity confirming stuff (normal) I felt like I was hyperventilating and almost started crying. Yeesh!! i guess that's my fault though i called at the start of my break, but it took so long for them to finally answer that my break was over and i was working again (i'm in chat this week, yuck) so I was kinda multitasking talking to them and watching my screen. i didn't have a chat, so i don't know why it stressed me out so much, I should have just told them I'm sorry I have to go I will call back later but I didn't. i'm coming apart at the seams, y'all. Ugh.

Arrie your a wonderful amazing person

Hugs, Artie. When is the last time you were able to do something for yourself? Like get away for the weekend or go hiking and take some nice desert photos? I know that won't solve everything, but a change of scenery might be good. I hope you're able to find some relief soon.

2 hours until I head to the dentist to get a crown done. I am less than enthused, and worried about pain after.

I also am not doing well, and don’t know how I’ll make it to Friday.

Not to say it doesn't happen, but I have more crowns than I'd like to admit and I've never had any pain after the procedure other than maybe some minor gum irritation. Let them know that you're anxious about the procedure. You won't be the first, I promise. Also, nitrous oxide is your friend.

Awww thanks, willowtigger.

thanks NP. i'm going away for a couple nights this coming weekend, actually sat and sun nights i took PTO sunday and monday. and hope that will help. taking my camera and getting out in nature in a place I haven't been before, up north a ways. i'm hoping to find a nice secluded spot where I can scream and stomp and cry and nobody will know or care. Just let it ALLLLL out.

Hugs, Artie. I hope the time away will help you! Sound like a nice trip. And also that the pdoc visit helps.

I wonder if this is a case where you've just had stuff building up until it just became too much? That's a place where I find therapy helps me, that it's sort of a "release valve," where I can cry and rant about things. I know you had the CBT sessions, but those were pretty short, right, and didn't seem like they allowed for too much talking time.

I know you're reluctant to try therapy again, and I get it. If you don't want that, I wonder if some sort of support group, whether for grief, one for women, or something like that could be helpful? Even if just online. Or, are you still doing the online drum circles regularly? Just thinking of possible outlets. I say this as someone who needs to find more outlets (besides therapy) myself...

Hugs, I hope it goes/is going well and that you aren't in pain. And sorry you aren't doing well in general--is it possible to talk to your T before that?

I know of virtual support groups (many free) if you are interested.

I wish I had the choice of nitrous oxide!

Maybe I’ll send her a text. Thanks!

the cbt sessions were really short yes, 15 minutes most of them and she did most of the talking. You did hit on something LT - I haven't been to a drum circle the past 3 weeks - for 2 weeks I had other stuff going on and then last week it was cancelled. That sense of community is huge for me and I didn't even realize how much I've missed it. Hopefully I'll be able to attend this week.


I'm not even sure what kind of support group I would fit best in. but it's something to think about for sure! thanks downandlonely.

I wish I did too, my dentist said it's not here in my town. Up in Mesa they have an office that does sedation dentistry - if they have to do any more work that this upcoming crown, I'm going to drive up there.

Hi everyone. Remember me? It says my last log on was 8/15/2021. I have trouble believing that was the last time I logged on, but maybe. I am honestly surprised I remembered my password. I came on because I needed to plant this somewhere anonymously where almost everyone has no idea who I am in real life.

My father is quite sick. He’s been very I’ll for a long time. I am not sure if I’ve shared this in the past. In a nutshell back in 2018 he had a life saving full liver transplant and he was feeling good for awhile after that. Then he got cancer on his vocal cords (unfortunate side effect from the anti-rejection meds). It was very surface level and they were able to just scrape it off. He was good for another year and it came back-again very surface level and they were able to remove it. The cancer came back and 3rd time only not surface level so he had to have chemo and radiation. Those treatments ending the beginning of April 2022. Unfortunately last month we found out the cancer is back for the 4th time and now he has to have a total largynectomy which is happening on Nov. 8th. I joined all the Facebook groups and went down a rabbit hole reading about life without a voice box. A lot of people had success with learning how to speak again through devices either implanted or just electronic devices that you hold up to your neck to talk. I’m trying to concentrate on the overwhelmingly positive responses and how many people are just able to return to a normal life. However when I go in these groups or read online about how someone went through this and the cancer just showed up in another place in their body and they passed on….well that suddenly makes it impossible to concentrate on how many people go on after this and just pass of old age/natural causes.

Obviously my father is scared to death-not of the surgery but life after (not being able to speak for a few months-at least or eat) and also wondering if the surgery would be for no reason. (Cancer coming back in another area of his body) He doesn’t have a lot of hope right now and I’m honestly losing my grip of holding hope for him. The hospital has a buddy system of sorts where you get to speak with someone who’s already had this surgery which provides my dad with hope momentarily but then he reads how someone didn’t make it or how none of the options to speak again didn’t work for some people for one reason or another and it just drags him back down into a pit of despair. It’s been really difficult on the whole family.

Thanks for reading.