Couch 240: The Vanadis Couch

Yikes!

As much as I love drumming on an actual hand-held hoop drum, I don't really care for the pounding on a table kind of drumming. Tables are too big and so the sound/vibrations are way too big!

Thanks, LT and Stressed.

The meeting was very helpful.
I spoke with the Canon Chancellor (a senior member of staff) at my local cathedral about the impact that Steve's death and the cancellation of the Service of Reflection had on me.

A offered to put me in touch with another of the organisers of the service, to see whether they might be able to offer more support. He gave me some scripture and theory references, and prayed with me. I am very welcome at any services that I might wish to attend.

Thanks for saying that! Ive been afraid to comment on your drumming posts because of this one incident. Or precovid going to drum meetings in my town with all the other lesbians . I used to think i loved drumming, like i adore drum and bugle corps. So thanks for explaining the difference. My parents were pretty much "no noise allowed, ever!" Maybe now i will look into that drummercise, or whatever they call it.

@@ and everybody - i thought this was hilarious! No sim-card shopping with THIS guy!

Single man storms out of ‘disastrous’ first date after learning about woman’s dietary requirement | 7NEWS

Lost - i had never heard of Service of Reflection. Its similar but not so human as what we did for a while at work after projects - Things gone wrong, things gone right. I should probably search for a group here that does that. Its kinda like accountability, and also listening to us peons.

Hi Una,

This was a specific Service of Reflection/Remembrance for people who'd been affected by suicide.

Whilst we were talking, a colleague of his came over, and he explained 'Lost wrote to me about the cancelled suicide service...I think we've been forgiven for that.'

I now have a better understanding of why the decision was taken, and the fact that their hands were tied.

I'm hopeful that something might happen in February.

Because he’s invisible?

Also I believe we now call it riding a bicycle. Try to keep up.

Is this a picture of your invisible friend?

I should see if we can get on the 90-day fiancé show!

Oh - and fixed it!

What about married at first sight?

He had me at “Kimberley...it’s not my favorite name.”

“Gluten...it is croissant.”

Hey, SD, now you can give ex-hankster the new emoji.

That is one dang scary show!

My parents always used to talk about how some single relatives are "fixed in their ways." Those ways are really highlighted by these shows, young or old, but its definitely worse with age.

I thought you would like that comment especially!

I can hear it aaid in a French accent even now, possibly while gesturing with a cigarette in a long holder.

In personal news, I said goodbye to Info for the second time this year.

We had our first last session late in March because she was only going to see clients virtually for the rest of the year, then not at all, and so I thought it a good time to leave. It seemed done.

Then a week later my mother got sick and a couple weeks later I asked Info if we could resume so I could have more support, Visa having proven inadequate.

It seemed time to end again. But this time Info told me that while she was still not seeing anyone regularly after the end of the year, she was now offering her more established clients the opportunity for an occasional check in session if needed. I made the cut.

For the life of me I cannot remember what she was wearing, so no fashion report. Perhaps that means it really was time to move on.

Also said goodbye to Baby Face the grief counselor a couple weeks back. Same offer as from Info.

Life with fewer therapists is pretty much the same as life with more therapists. Only Visa now.

Its a showstopper!

I miss my son... he feels so far away since he moved. Well, I guess that's cuz he is. I keep trying to talk to him but he's always busy doing this that or the other. He does text with me briefly, but I'd really like to hear his voice! He'll be turning 24 in a couple days I am hoping to be able to talk to him on his bday at least.

All the hugs, Artie. That must be so difficult.
I wonder whether he'd be open to scheduling a weekly phone call, so that you would know you could expect to hear from him at a particular time.

That said, I don't know what he does for work, or what his social life is like...so that may not be an option.

I hope you can find space to be kind to yourself in the midst of all this change you are navigating.

thanks, Lost. i've tried to get him interested in that but so far it hasn't come to anything. he works a lot, his normal schedule is 3 days a week/12 hour days but he's also working a lot of overtime right now, so I know he wants to use his time off for exploring their new area! i would be doing the same thing if I were him.

I just gotta say I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of the couch. I feel like I never know the 'right' thing to say and so many times find myself typing a response to someone, then thinking oh that's stupid or that's too schmaltzy bla bla bla then I end up not saying anything.

P is out of town doing VA exams again this week so we did a video session last night. I'd finally got it together enough to start on the letter to the judge from my restraining order hearing and I had sent it to him. Part of what I wrote detailed some of the events that led to me getting the order in the first place. I guess I feel like the judge needs to know what happened in order to understand why denying it was, in my opinion, the wrong decision. P resoponded saying that I shouldn't detail my trauma in this letter and I had a few feelings about that. Later, he emailed me a rough draft of his letter that he offered to write. I thought it was a good letter.

During our video session, we talked about why he thinks I shouldn't detail my trauma in this letter. I 100% believe that he is coming from a protective place and I don't think he thinks this about me but some things he said felt incredibly hurtful. He said I wouldn't be taken as seriously if I included details in the letter. Some phrases he used were I might be viewed as "off my rocker", "attention seeking" and "playing a victim". These are some things that I already fear. I know he's trying to protect me, but is this really what people think when you talk about your trauma? He says I don't need these people to validate what I went through, but I often feel like I do need that. I feel like people won't take me seriously without details. He's probably right about all this, but what am I supposed to do with my feelings and need to be validated that all suddenly feel a thousand times more shameful? I feel defective after we talked last night. I had to ask him to reassure me that he doesn't think less of me and I'm trying to believe him that he doesn't. I just feel ashamed for ever talking about my trauma to non-therapist people about my trauma, even here.

Speaking as an ex-public defender - yes people (judges) are not usually much moved by trauma or victim statements and the length of time that has passed from the act(s) until now will work against you in their vision of how things are. During trial Judges can be sometimes sympathetic (and certainly jurors can be but they can also blame the victim) but most of those working in the system are not and not for long even if they were in the first place. The victim services people are the most sympathetic as far as I remember - and prosecutors, judges, etc were all too happy to send the person to that dept so they didn't have to deal with them. Law is not about justice or fairness or even retribution mostly - it is but one way to help keep chaos under control and that is about it.

the horror.

I am not!

Ha ha. Just got my two shots, both in the same arm.

So a new big bottle of ibuprophen. ETA - WHICH is fantastic!! My arm was starting to ache, i took some and lay dosn, and now i feel great!

Just had the worst bagger in the world. He put a cold or frozen thing in a bag with stable items, instead of all the cold thimgs together.

well h is all happy. he isn't supposed to lift more than 10 lbs for another couple of days after the liver biopsy he had on friday; but the dr said he could go back to work today as long as he didn't lift anything heavier. they got him a delivery up to phoenix that meets the criteria so he's outta here! he does a lot of runs up to that area but they're not always small/light packages.