Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

Back from the dentist, my teeth are all cleaned and polished

I put on my big-girl pants and scheduled the crown for next Friday.

Thats like "crosstalk" in AA - a real no-no.

Man, how ignorant. I would craft a great statement about how the human condition is not unique, it is universal, but we strive to express it in a singular way, biotch.

"Let's have a little more peace and understanding, biotch."

Yikes! There is no way you're the only one bothered by that. And it's not at all constructive anyway.

Omg im crying!

hey everyone.

scarlet--its okay. I think 23 days is wonderful! Do you to go AA or ACOA? Keep trying, you got this.

I say this to you, and I know I don't got this. I had to quit my job today. I JUST started back at a new position Wednesday. By last night, my feet were in severe pain. I can't keep working on my feet at all. When I woke up I found out that my hands hurt when I clench and unclench them, and they become numb easily. I don't think this is just my feet. I think it could be arthritis. If I have that at age 42, no, Just no.

I don't know what to do. I have never been jobless. Ive worked at this company for 17 years.

Oh, and LT,

I agree with everyone else on this situatioN!

I'm so excited y'all, remember my friend that I went to visit in Oregon this past summer? well she's in AZ briefly, she and her hubby are visiting their son at the military base about an hour south of here. so while her hubby and son are playing golf, she and I are gonna meet at a cave that's about halfway between each of us and spend the day going through the cave, hiking in the park, and going to lunch. Can't wait to see her again!

Oh Velcro. My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry. I wish I had helpful words of wisdom for you. I would feel the same way, not know what to do.

this is wonderful!

Thanks Lemon,

Yes, I let my Dad know and also gave him control over my medications so that way there would be no temptations there. And generally both of my parents are being gentle with me right now and giving me space and also offering me options like if I want to do something or do I want to just chill and watch a movie.

I started the new sleep medicine last night and I actually felt a bit better this morning. It's amazing what good sleep can do. It's also an antidepressant my PDoc said although maybe it's placebo but I do feel a smidgen bit better this morning.

I didn't have to chat with the hotline yesterday or so far today so I think that is progress. 7 more days until I have a session with my T.

HUGS Kit

HUGS Velcro003

this sort of thing would not bother me. I don't see what is wrong with it. What sort of a writing group is it? If it is therapeutic writing then that might be different.

Sorry Kit, I forgot to encourage you too! You are doing such a great job advocating for yourself, and the desire to keep trying. It is admirable from a person who doesn't think she can keep trying.

I'm so sorry, Velcro. Hugs, if wanted. Were you not allowed to just take the day off and see how you are Monday? And it does sound like something else if your hands hurt as well. Have they tested for...now I forget what it's called. It's a blood marker for possible autoimmune issues. ANA maybe?

Can you get unemployment benefits?

Thanks Velcro! I'm not using any program. Just using coping skills L and I came up with.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through! And though I hope they don't find anything bad, I do hope they find something treatable or manageable.

I do have a meeting on Monday with HR. I wrote back to her and my boss, telling them I can’t keep working like this. It is 7pm here, and neither one answered. What do I do? Do I just go in on Monday? Do they expect me to work? I don’t know.

I talked to L this morning and shr convinced me to go to session. I cried for pretty much the whole session. We talked about everything including why she wasn't available. Of course, she had a good reason! So I feel more like ****. And she never realized the specific time mattered. She didn't even know what it was! And of course because of my memory problems, I don't know if I actually told her. I thought I did. I'm going to have a short phone call with her in an hour because I feel like I ****ed up big time. She says she's not mad or disappointed. That relapses are normal and expected. She still holds hope for me. I'm going to start quitting again after this pack. And she said we should keep our count the same (i.e. not starting back from day 1).

I feel like such a mess right now. I guess all I can do is pick myself back up and try again. My first goal is 3 months...I get to buy a ring I really want if I make it to then.

I'm not 100% sure about this and it may vary from state to state, but don't quit, make them fire you so you'll be eligible for unemployment.

Phone call went really well. L gave me a ton of reassurances. She also normalized my reaction saying that it's due to the neurological damage that my trauma caused me, so she doesn't believe it's my fault. I'm not 100% sold on that. Even if it is true, it's like someone (Artley?) said: It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility. L says we will work on it more next Tuesday. I hate waiting. I want to work on this so I stop going overboard with my reactions, for my sake and hers. She has been nothing but good to me for the past 4 years. You'd think by now I would be better at holding onto her.

Yeah, Scarlet, that was probably me (or sounds like what I had to figure out myself). My T spent years getting me to where I could not only understand that but also put it into practice with any consistency. It takes time, lots of error, regrouping and trying again . . . Be patient with yourself. In a nutshell (a very oversimplified nutshell), getting to where I understood that I have a choice about how I respond to things that are clearly triggering, and being able to slow myself down enough to get out of my emotions enough to let my logic take the reins took time, but it has ultimately been calming and stabilizing. It has kept me from spiraling these last few years through the loss of my sister, my mother, my husband, and my father (who we just had a funeral for this past week). It doesn’t mean I don’t get upset. It does mean I recognize when I’m reacting beyond what may be going on so I can slow myself down, figure out what is happening in my emotions, and figure out how to best deal with them in a healthy way. But it is a process to get there. Be patient.

So I haven’t posted in a while. I had gone in March to see my Dad and my sister. That morning I had actually been doing what I was writing about. It was my anniversary, and I literally had just journaled about how I was going to choose to spend the day in order to stay present and positive when the phone rang with the news that Dad had died. The next day was the anniversary of my other sister’s death, and we also had to make the decision to euthanize our dog that week. Boy, did I have to use my skills to get through that week. Last week was the funeral and internment of Dad’s ashes, so it has been a month. I woke up to the thought that my husband’s death was almost two years ago. Anniversaries are such a trigger for me these days.

Lots of mindfulness. That acknowledgment and validation of what I am experiencing goes a long way towards keeping me sane.

Thanks Una O.

Sending you love Artley.

I hope you have others who can support you right now.

Maybe you could take a small notebook in session with you. Write as you go along. So you'd have notes to help you remember.

What about mini goals too not just the long term ones. Something for week 1, 2 and 4.