Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

Sending you so much love, Cake.
You don't deserve to be treated like that by the people who brought you into existence.

I hope you are able to show yourself the kindness you deserve.

Hugs Lemoncake I agree with Lost you don't deserve to be treated that way. I hope that Fin is helpful tomorrow.

Hi Couch,

What does the word 'rest' mean to you?
I'm so used to working in one way or another all the time that I don't know how to do anything else.
Having been flattened by COVID, I'm now learning that I need to make intentional time to rest...but I'm not really sure what that means in practice.

My life's mission seems to be to assimilate new information...and I don't know when to stop.

H has been an *** this morning. I woke up because Luna was trying to wake up H. Then I discovered she pooped in our bed. She was trying to tell H she needed to go, but he was ignoring her. While I cleaned it up, he told me he's tired and is going back to bed. I finally went back to bed too. Then I'm woken up by H making espresso and slamming the ice tray to get ice out. I asked him if he was making me coffee and he said no! He said he didn't want to wake me up... And then he has the nerve to tell me I owe him an ice maker???

The rain is so bad that I don't get to see L in-person today. We'll still do virtual, but it's not the same.

I'm sorry, Scarlet.

That sucks so much.
I hope you're able to have an in-person session soon.

Take care,

Lost

@SlumberKitty, I struggle with this too. MyT says I can say anything to her about any topic, but challenging her on things to do with the relationship, or something she says or does that I'm not happy about is really difficult.

You've only just started working with this T, so don't beat yourself up about it. As your confidence in the relationship grows, hopefully you'll will find it easier to address things with her.

Well that's the theory anyway... I've been with current T for over a year now and I still find it hard!

East

If anyone here who is in therapy has a bad session, do you tell your T how you felt about it or keep quiet? Or if not necessarily a bad session, but just one that didn't quite flow like it should.

My ex-T once said to me "'East, if you told me 'T that was a ***** session', I wouldn't expect you to pay me for it!" But then ex-T wasn't really in it for the money.

I do think current-T is passionate about her work and helping clients, but there is always a part of our relationship that reminds me that it is a paid-for service, she is not my friend; if I were to become broke and homeless tomorrow, I doubt she would continue to see me (although she did once tell me that she gave free sessions to another client who was struggling financially for a month); despite telling me that she 'cared about me in a sisterly kind of way' I felt as though she was just reacting to my telling her I felt cared for.

I told the ones I hired. Remember you are HIRING them - they are not doing you a favor. Also -they really don't care one way or the other so no reason not to

Hi East,

I had a couple of sessions with R that felt quite different when we were working over Zoom.
At one point I thought we were coming to the end of a session, and then realised we were only halfway through.
I told her about that via email, only to find out that she had the same experience.
it was the first time she'd ever thought I was about to end a session early.

I think it's worth having a conversation with your therapist about it if you feel it would help.

East - I believe that honesty and open/directness are two of the most important things in therapy. I give feedback all the time to L. She appreciates the good and the bad because then she knows how to adjust. If you don't tell them, they won't know how to do better.

Last session wasn't nurturing and connecting enough for me. I left feeling the not-enough pain and mother-hungry needs. So when she replied to my email, she gave me lots of empathy, compassion and love. It didn't completely take away the pain, but it was very soothing and reassuring.

If I didn't tell her, I would have been carrying around the pain, and probably would develop some resentment toward her. Instead, I got some of my needs met.

Lost - rest seems to be a hard word for me to define. I can give examples of rest for me, but they might not be the same for you. Normally, when I think of rest, I think of napping or sleeping. For me, it also includes cuddling with my dogs or blankets, taking a shower and putting on lotion, watching a movie. Nothing strenuous or stressful. Just soothing self-care things.

Thanks, Scarlet.


'Nothing strenuous or stressful' makes a lot of sense to me.
I feel rested when I manage to get into a flow state, but that doesn't happen very often.

It seems that rest has become harder for me during this latest grief experience.
I'm spending a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what to 'do' with it...

A couple of sessions ago, R said something like 'Sometimes there's nothing to do but feel.'

Feeling things is scary, though.

Thank you for the replies. I just really needed to be seen.

How often does she do that in your bed? It sounds tough to deal with.

It wouldn't have been that much harder to make coffee for two instead of just for one, once you were already up.

That was the first time she's pooped in bed. We have a diaper on her to prevent peeing accidents (also only happened once). She's good at telling us. H just didn't listen to her this morning.

About the coffee: exactly! And I'm usually the one making him coffee every morning.

Rest for me is trying to let go of the present stress/anxiety/depression...whatever is controlling me at the moment. I deliberately tell myself that I need to put this away in a box for the rest of the night. I literally did it last night because I was waiting on an email response from my job, and knew it wouldn't be until today.

I have to take off another week of work because my feet are not improving. This is a MONTH of not getting paid, and having to pay for doctor's appointments and medications. I am relieved I don't have to work, but it is extremely stressful, financially. I also called my boss earlier to just check in and tell her how awful I feel that she has been scrambling for a month to fill my position in the classroom. It is NOT easy, and I bet she has been in the room with them. I also miss my babies.

I was supposed to follow up with the ortho doc on April 19th, 6 weeks from my first visit. I was supposed to start work next week, and would have had to work in extreme pain for another few weeks just to tell the doctor my pain hasn't improved despite everything I've been trying. When I saw my doctor yesterday, she said she would call their office to see if they can move my appointment up. I had tried, but they said I had to wait the 6 weeks. Well apparently doctors have more authority, because I am now seeing him Friday morning.

I hardly can believe this is my life. My apartment is a ***** hole, and yet I do nothing to clean it.

Have you looked in to taking protected leave?

I’m not sure what that is?

FMLA
FMLA Frequently Asked Questions | U.S. Department of Labor

ATAT= how did the faculty senate go?

Captioning better but still not up to par. Too many inaudibles.

And sometimes the sound quality was so bad that the captioner (on Zoom) didn’t realize that someone in the room was speaking and so there was a gap. Unfortunately during one of these people were trying to ask me about something my committee was doing but I didn’t know that because there were no captions. If the captioner can’t hear, I can’t hear.

Nor have they gotten the equipment ADA asked them to get two months ago. I don’t know why they can’t just give me an in-person captioner like I’ve asked for all along.

Ugh, that sounds awful, ATAT. i’m sorry you have to deal with all of this. it is beyond ridiculous.

Thanks SD-I am using FMLA. It just sucks that I have been out a month with no pay.

HUGS Lemoncake. I'm sorry about the fall out with your Mom. HUGS Kit

HUGS Lost

For me rest is usually like laying in my lazyboy watching a mystery movie, or taking a nap. I also rest by prayer or scripture reading. I also rest by going for a car ride with my Dad. He drives, we get a drink through the drive through and he'll take me on a 1.5 hour drive or 2 hour drive and then I start feeling better.

HUGS kit

HUGS Velcro003