Couch 243: Winchester Cathedral

HUGS @@ if wanted. I can't believe your workplace is so jerky!

My Mom is in the hospital. She was taken there by ambulance on Monday night. She got admitted. She's been fatigued/exhausted, dizzy, no appetite, she fell the other day on the tile, etc. Her blood sugar is high then low. Her blood pressure has been low which is weird because it is usually high. She had an MRI and CT scan which came back clear. She's had a bunch of urine tests and blood work. She might have a bladder infection or uti. We'll see. Her GP has hospital privileges so he has been in to see her and has ordered some tests. Hopefully she will get discharged tomorrow. I took yesterday off of work because I was exhausted and because I wanted to go visit my Mom in the hospital.

I had a good session with my T.
My T recommended The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills
A workbook of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills reframed to be neurodivergent friendly with the added bonus of accessible mindfulness practices, sensory strategies and managing meltdowns. By Sonny Jane Wise.

The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills - Digital Download — lived experience educator

The other DBT workbook I am doing I am not relating to the examples in the book. So she thought this might be a good fit. No T has ever really worked with my autism diagnosis so that's kind of cool.

She was super happy that I didn't SH. I told her that I did it for her, not for me. She was like, whatever works. But of course, at some point, I need to do it for me.

She was fine with me telling her I was annoyed about the session time. We talked about it a little tiny bit. She apologized for real this time. It was good. She said she was happy that I could tell her.

hugs, Kit. I'm sorry to hear your mom's in the hospital; sending good thoughts for a quick recovery and good test results.

Also hope you're able to get some rest. And that the new DBT workbook is helpful for you. Glad you had a good session.

Oh no, I hope they figure out what it is and that it's nothing serious! Low BP to me would suggest an infection, from my limited medical knowledge. Sounds random, but have they checked for an ear infection? Just thinking with the dizziness. That's happened with my mother-in-law a couple times, where she was really dizzy and sick, and it turned out to be an ear infection. Or, one time, where she'd fallen and some crystal thing within her ear shifted--I forget how they treated that.

And I'm glad your session went well, Kit. Hugs...

Return of the Dr. T Sock Report:
Since the pandemic, he's mostly been wearing jeans with tennis shoes and white sports socks (so, not much to report). Today, he was wearing jeans, but with dress shoes and his cat dress socks (black with pink cats). Me: "Oh, I haven't seen those socks in a while!" Dr. T: "You remember these socks?" Me: "Uh...yes?" I said how I used to give a "Dr. T sock report" on here, and he was amused. He said how he assumed anything he wore or said was potential fodder for me to mention on here. I said how there used to be the "Info" fashion reports, too.

So today, I sat on the couch closer to Dr. T's for the first time since the pandemic. It was my usual seat before, but then when I returned after the pandemic, he wanted clients to sit in a chair that was further from him. Finally got up the courage to ask him Monday if sitting on the couch would be an option again. He said I could sit wherever I wanted. So I tried it today, and it felt comfortable and nice (was afraid it would feel weird).

Also better because the distance we were sitting apart before (I guess 6-7 feet?) was sort of at the edges of where I don't need to wear glasses, so sometimes I felt sort of squinty. This is more like 4 feet, so not an issue for that.

We had some interesting discussion about my need to feel "special" to people today.

I just read a post on another site by a therapist who started teaching at a university and now blames her department (people she has diagnosed as all having some mental illness or other) for turning her into an alcoholic who had to go on medication and get therapy because her uni colleagues don't like her. She gets "body pain" from doing grading and "listening to people talk about things" she does "not find interesting." What are psych/social work programs teaching those people? Clearly not resilience. Thank god she stopped dealing with clients.

SK - hope your mother is okay

ok couch cooks - have y'all ever made sugar free graham crackers? looking for a tried and true recipe. tia.

Kit- That must be scary having your mom in the hospital and not knowing what is wrong. I am glad you had a good session with your T. I also just came back from a good session too!

LT-Wait…Dr. T wore jeans with dress shoes?! lol. I am no fashion police (i live in sweatpants and hoodies), but that image is hilarious.

SD-Wow. Not sure I have any words for that.

I called my boss yesterday when I told HR (and her) that I needed to take another week off. I wanted to check in because I haven’t spoke to her since I left work. She never called back. She didn’t send a text to ask what was up (she’s done that before. I know she must be pissed off because it is REALLY hard to staff the preschool. And next week will be a month of me being gone. UGH. I will be very scared to face her when I return.

I feel depressed. Bummer.

I texted T because I don't know how to self soothe. She basically said it is trial and error until you find something that works for you. I've read through some lists of things to self soothe and none of them sound helpful, particularly when I am at work. This makes SH very attractive!

Feel kind of bummed because T wasn't helpful. Maybe I am never going to get better.

HUGS Velcro003

HUGS Kit,

Sitting in uncertainty as you are at the moment sucks.
I hope you get some clarity soon with regard to your mum's situation.

Is there any way you can grab a hot soothing drink, or get one delivered?

Hey Kit-I totally understand how you feel. I think you do know how to self-soothe. At least a little bit. Naps, reading scripture, going on drives. I realize they can’t be done while you are working, though.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, you can try to splash cold water on your face. I’ve known this for awhile, but just chalked it up to one of those “mindful” things one does. Earlier in the week I was deep into anxiety and hyperventilating. My friends told me to go splash water on my face, and it did help. I was able to take a few deep breaths.

I also don’t think you can’t be helped. This T sounds like she is in it for the long haul with you. You have worked so hard over the years to heal. That shows an amazing amount of resilience and determination. Those awesome things to have!

Healing isn’t linear. I had to hear that with my T this week, because I forget too. If you relapse with SH, it’s okay. You don’t need to add any shame to it.

Thanks, Lost.

Not right now, but a couple of hours after work is over I am going to Starbucks with a friend from uni. So I'll get something there. I am trying to hang onto the fact that I will be socializing with someone who cares about me and later I will be at Church where I will probably get some hugs. Hugs are soothing. Just easier when someone else gives me a hug.

I hear you, my friend.
Tangible comfort is something that I'm only just beginning to get to grips with, but it's important.

HUGS

Thanks Velcro003.

I've been working on two DBT workbooks, by myself though. And it's hard to try to apply what I am trying to learn. T says she wasn't trained in DBT but she is reading up on it. I think she mostly does CBT and eclectic type stuff.

I also felt very ignored at work today which didn't help. I Teams messaged one of my bosses (I have a lot of bosses) at 7 AM. Didn't hear back from her, so messaged her again at 12 PM. Still didn't hear back from her for like another hour. Now, I know she could be busy, but she jumps down my throat if I don't answer in 10 minutes so it seems annoying that I can wait 5 or 6 hours for a response. Then I emailed three of my other bosses today at 7:30 AM. At 12:30 PM I still had not heard back from any of them. I emailed one of the bosses who I was trying to get the information for and I told her I was sorry but I wasn't getting any responses back. Then I emailed three of my bosses on a related subject and told them what I had found out about a question they asked me when I was out yesterday and no response. I know bosses are busy and often don't think to respond back to peons like me but a nice thank you would have gone a long way.

I do think that new T is in it for the long haul and is trying to help me as best as she can. I finally don't feel nervous talking to her, it only took 7 sessions! I've just been sick with mental health stuff for so long and due to the nature of my diagnosis I am not likely to recover fully. I just want to regain some sort of being okay, y'know.

Then I had texted a friend over the weekend because I was really not well, emotionally. She said, you know what to do. Um, no. If I knew what to do, I would do it. So I isolated for the weekend. Not the best move but whatever.

I definitely feel like I could use more therapy or more support somewhere. I have to figure this out.

Thanks so much for reading and replying.

HUGS Kit

Kit, I'm sorry you're struggling so much and aren't hearing back from people at work. I get how frustrating that is!

This isn't something you can do right now, as you'd need to purchase items. And I know it wouldn't at all be the same as a hug. But is the pressure from it helpful at all? I can't remember whether you've tried a weighted blanket, but they also have weighted shoulder wraps and lap pads, which is something you could potentially use at work. And they make neck wraps that you can heat in the microwave (I assume they have them at work) and put around your shoulders--they make them scented with lavender, if you find that soothing. I find warmth like that can calm me at times (there are also the kind you can plug in, but not sure if that would be allowed at your work or not).

Or if there are other scents you find calming, you can just bring in some essential oils or something with that scent on it to breathe in (they make necklaces where you can put a drop or two of oil on it). Or a hand lotion with a scent that's calming/comforting. The act of rubbing it on your hands can feel soothing.

Does listening to music help you at all? That's one thing that can calm me. Or maybe nature sounds, like the ocean or the woods?

Meditation apps, like Calm, could be another option. Just a few things to try. Hope the rest of your day is better and you enjoy seeing your friend.

1 year ago today I returned to these forums after a nearly 7 year absence.

I was today years old when I learned that Freud’s mother called him “golden Siggie.” ;picknose:

Thanks for that, New York Times!

The not replying to emails would bother me too. Sorry you have to deal with that.

Just an idea, but with feeling isolated what about the folks at your local church? Could they provide you with extra support too? Maybe you could join a bible study group? There's also meetup.com there's always a group for almost any interest.

Thank you Lemoncake

I am already in three Bible studies and I lead one of them. So I've pretty much exhausted that route. I do talk (text or message) to people from my Church but lately they haven't been helpful. They say stuff like, "What will be okay, is okay." Um. No. I think they have grown tired of helping me since I am not better. My therapist suggested talking to my sister but she always has so much drama going on it is hard to get a word in edgeways. I did meet with a friend from University last night and we had coffee (tea) for about an hour. That was nice. But overall, I'm not feeling enough support. Not too sure what I need yet. Somehow I will get inspiration!

Thanks, HUGS Kit

Have you tried looking for a support group, online or in person?

This site might list some that you would find useful. Support Groups | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

I messed something up with my feet last night. They’ve been hurting pretty bad this week. Last night I went to a friend’s house for a bit. I came back home
and did more stretching. Maybe too intensely? Is overstretching a thing? Half an hour later, my right foot was in excrutiating pain. I iced it and that helped
temporarily. When I woke up this morning, both of my feet were in severe pain. I can’t even do my stretches. Just the pressure of my heel on the bed hurts.

I don’t know what to do. I am feeling so hopeless that I. am ever going to feel better. I see my ortho doctor tomorrow, but I am nervous I won’t get any immediate help. He was pretty dismissive of my pain last time. He just can’t telling me there is no quick fix (which i know), and that it takes time. Keep stretching.

Next week is a month off from work. I miss my kids so much. I am worried they forgot about me. I just want to be able to go back to work.

Hugs, Velcro. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I hope the ortho will help. Have you told him you're unable to work now? And is he willing to investigate other causes besides plantar fasciitis? I know you said one doctor was, but I forget which.