Couch 244: Great Expectations

Hahaha! My T would 1,000% (over)analyze every word I played. "'Withhold,' 'icy,' 'reject' ? Ah, I can see that your maternal transference is back..."

We've done a jigsaw puzzle together before which has a similar vibes to playing a game but is more collaborative.

LT playing games is one thing my therapist is ok with doing. We’ve played connect4, Battleships, checkers and he attempted to teach my chess (I struggled with that due to feeling s lot of shame and we’ve never tried it again).

I was extremely hesitant to begin with as I know he’s a sports player and thought he would be ultra competitive. I also have issues with being uncomfortable and feelings shame whether I win if lose!

But we started slow with Connect4 and it turns out it was completely fine. For some reason I tend to win connect4 a lot of the time and to begin with I thought he was just letting me, but then he started not being able to fully hold in his disappointment at losing 5 times in a row. It made me giggle, he seemed more human.

So games are something that I’ve started to enjoy, particularly connect4 and battleships. It really helps to keep a session light and allows me to start engaging with the playful part of myself which previously I didn’t believe existed. It’s allowed my T to see a tiny bit more of little me and has led to me wanting to allow him to see more of that side, which has opened up conversations about him reading to me and the idea of colouring and drawing together.

If you can find a game that works for you both, perhaps one that tends to be more on the younger child side, then it may be really useful for the relationship.

For me, this alone would be reason to play him and beat him (and you would beat him).

My middle child is transgender, and I mostly just wish she could be left to live her life without fear. I have seen her and her wife feel unable to simply go to the restroom in a public space for fear. That’s just not humane. Why are people so unable to just let people live?

My husband would very likely have lived if he had had access to vaccination, but he became ill too early in the pandemic. If he had had six more weeks (that’s how awful the timing was), he could have had the full vaccine onboard and very likely would still be with us. I don’t believe the vaccines are infallible, but by and large, they have saved millions of lives.

Everyone needs to be able to access basic facilities like toilets safely and with privacy. I have never heard any rational person argue otherwise. Trans people need this access but so do biological women. For me, toilets need to be single sex (not gender) spaces. If this means there also needs to be a third space which is open to all, then that seems to fill a need. There is also the broader question about public facilities not being fit for purpose, being inadequate, being designed by men for men, and so on. For example, it is only since I have become perimenopausal and experiencing heavy bleeds that I realise how inadequate most public toilets are for perimenopausal women. I need space, washing facilities, privacy, access to sanitary products, ability to clean, the facilities to be clean, hooks for my bag and coat, a shelf to arrange things on, the list goes on. And all so I can attend to my needs with basic dignity. In many toilets, you are lucky to find toilet paper and you better not mind the blue light used to keep away intravenous drug users.

I'm sorry if I offend and I don't mean to start a debate- but like not every man is a rapist, not every transperson is genuinely trans. Most violence against women is still however perpetrated by men. Being given the ability to now self identify and have access to women only spaces has created a whole host of issues that can not be ignored by simply just saying let people be.

Opening up unisex spaces instead of having previous sex based ones has endangered young girls.

Why should the comfort and privacy of Riley Gaines and other swimmers be dismissed?

Before the national outcry Isla Bryson ( who had been convicted of raping two women, ) was intended to be placed in a women's prison. What about the safety of the other female prisoners?

This case has also been in our news the past few days. In a hostel for homeless women why were the staff also not protected and forced to comply ?

It wasn't just innocent remarks ": “At first I thought her behaviour was because she’s on the autistic spectrum, but it was more predatory than that."

Transwoman moved from female hostel wing over ‘hot totty’ remarks, court hears – Brighton and Hove News

Girls assaulted in gender-neutral toilets — as predicted - The Post

It's good that women discuss and debate these things. We need to voice our stuff.

There is some Barbie thing going on - a movie I guess. I really don't know what it is about. I saw a documentary a long time ago about Barbi and the Barbi fans - I thought it was interesting (and funny although I don't know if it was meant to be or not)

I have been reading about a lot of trans stuff on youtube, as sex roles - before there were gender roles, remember i am pretty old! - were always an interest of mine, as my mom was my dad and my dad was my mom, in terms of outside work and home nurturing. Plus hearing daily, "you cant do that, your a girl!" ie be president, be an astronaut, altho sally ride was my age. Newspapers had separate columns, help wanted male, help wanted female.

I simply cannot believe, if it is true, And these young women take puberty blockers and testosterone, thereby permanently lowering their voices and roughening their features. THEN many are waking up to the realization that these medical interventions are not making them happy, and that they will never be men. Their ignorance on that last point is heartbreaking. Why would any woman want to be a man? What happened to feminism? I am very disappointed in my sisters.

Yes, life probably WOULD be easier if they were white men instead of white women, but omg boohoo. And only in some ways. Would i have had more power as a white man? Yeah probably. But boy i sure had my days as a powerful white woman, often without even trying.

As for transwomen? Imo, unless youve had surgery, youre crossdressing, and you need therapy. My dad used to wear my Easter coat and hat for the amusement of the gathered aunts and uncles. Now i need therapy! After surgery (any trans surgery) - i have heard enough stories of regret to suspect that the drs doing this are sadists and should not be trusted.

I feel that way about mds in general but if someone chooses to hire one of them - it is okay with me. But just because someone wants to wear clothing that makes them feel good is no reason for therapy or to call it crossdressing. I think cross dressing is a term that needs to go - just dress how you want and go on - why would anyone need to care what others are wearing? (I know from the previous discussions that there are a great number of people who care a lot what others wear but that is a thing I don't understand - as long as I don't have to dress like that - it has no bearing on my life what others wear or don't wear). I remember when going to gay bars meant you had to keep 3 articles of women's clothes (if you were butch) or gay so if the bar was raided - you could fight some of their nonsense.

I find the focus on clothing to be just another way to control (often by religions) women - even the mockery of men in women's clothing is more about attitude towards women in my opinion.

Yeah the question is, HOW good does it make you feel, and so maybe you should do that in private. That is what people are starting to call out explicitly.

And not just against transwomen. People are calling out parents of transkids for attention-seeking and other unsavoury motives. So - therapy to neutralize the unsavoury, sweeten it up. Like it would work.

I saw a yt video where a woman screened the movie "It's Pat" for a bunch of genz, and mostly i was appalled at how limited their lifeview was. They just didnt get ANYTHING. They were so constricted.

Therapy is not needed - there have always been people who have been lgbtq. Now I might agree that those who are upset by it need help of some sort.
I have no idea what you mean by "How good does it make you feel..." unless it is some veiled sexual innuendo you are getting at
I agree there are many things that one might wish to keep private - wearing whatever clothes you want is not something I think falls into that category.

No more staying silent from me.

It follows Sarah Jane Baker being originally defended.

(She is a a TRANS activist who served 30 years in jail for kidnapping and attempted murder who told a cheering crowd at a London Pride event to "punch a TERF in the face" ).

Why should violence against women be celebrated and tolerated?

Stopdog - yes i was referring to explicit stuff. Thats what unsavoury means. And no i dont believe therapy would help. The lightbulb has to WANT to change, and i dont believe that is the case. Even i have come up against "Thats just the way i am" in myself.

That is not the definition of unsavory - it has nothing to do with explicit anything in its definition - one might apply it to something one doesn't like for any number of non-sexual reasons.

Once again Mandarin versus Aramaic = I have no idea what you are saying or meaning.

There are four current lawsuits in the US against Drs who provided surgery on people under the age of 20.

Soren Aldaco
Prisha Mosley
Chloe Cole
Layla Jane

One insurance provider in AUS has said it will no longer provide insurance for doctors who provide gender affirming care, because of the worry of impending lawsuits.

UnsavoUry - i was using the british meaning! Miss Marple would know what i meant! "Oh, he's an unsavoury character, keep your daughters away from him!" Altho that does sound more like thievery. Of course in Jane Austen it's all the same. Thats the world i live in.

Yes, Chloe Cole is one person whose story i am familiar with. It says something that they closed the Tavistock center in GB. It is unfortunate that it went from taking years to get approval to medically transition, to taking virtually no time at all.

" People are calling out parents of transkids for attention-seeking and other unsavoury motives."
What does it have to do with parents and transgender or clothing? How is their motive related to unsavory character in keeping daughters (but not sons?) away? Are you calling the parents unsavory?

I am fairly certain unsavory is not an instance of two countries divided by a common language.

It’s not like when we try to fool British tourists by calling breakfast cakes muffins.

So much misinformation and lack of understanding in this line of discussion. I have to bow out.

I texted with my friend last night who was also my ex's friend. I asked if he knew how to contact the ex and if he would be okay messaging him to give his stuff back to him. He is in contact with him. Not sure how frequently. He said he's still living in a halfway house and sounds medicated. I asked if he ever expressed any remorse about the fire or asked if I was ok. Friend said it's never come up. I'm feeling pretty lousy that he's never asked the one person who could tell him about me. He screwed my life up and he doesn't even care.

There isn't just one conversation going on and people are not all interested in or discussing the same things

I have over 40 years of lived experience in this field, just fyi. I would be surprised if i was misinformed. Lack of understanding, maybe, but not for lack of trying.

I was trying to understand what exhanker was on about. I still don't know what she was trying to get at. I am in a position of not knowing if I agree or disagree (certainly this is more likely) because of lack of clarity

I do have a little hurdle with people who say it is okay to be lgbtq but just don't let others know/make others feel uncomfortable/don't "flaunt it etc= that is the language I heard 45 yrs ago when coming out - when putting the photo of my person on my desk was seen as an act of radical lesbianism but a male co-worker's picture of his wife was not radical heterosexuality = that sort of thing

And ex-hankster seems to be having conversations with the Chinese.