Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

Mountaindewed · May 13, 2024 at 02:06 PM

Well they haven't cancelled yet. Theres still plenty of time though.

LonesomeTonight · May 13, 2024 at 04:33 PM

Dear T,

Happy 54th Birthday! Because I couldn't say it in session, though you understood my allusion to it. I suppose it was fairly obvious.

I feel disconnected from you. I don't know if it's partly because of the above, your talking about texting with your friends, unresolved stuff from last week, and/or other stuff. Guess I'll try to ponder it and write about it between now and next session, see what bubbles up.

Love,
LT

Mountaindewed · May 14, 2024 at 07:40 PM

Possible trigger:

I took zzquil because I was thinking of therapy. Its kinda like that song " you got me feeling like an overdose"

I feel it deep in my blood sometimes. Spring of 06.

MuddyBoots · Yesterday at 07:08 PM

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Possible trigger:

I'm still making decisions out of (generally passive) suicidality. Drinking--on an empty stomach at that. Binging and purging--on the most unhealthy crap and in such a matter I screw up my electrolytes/blood sugar to the point of being unsure if I'll wake up before I passed out. I've been taking walks at night in sketchy neighborhoods. Haven't overdosed since before last week's appointment though. I don't know why this stuff didn't come out today. I guess it didn't really click in my mind until after the appointment when I was walking towards this guy's apartment and called him repeatedly seeing if he was home. I don't know if I dissociated hardcore or he roofied me, but yeah, stuff happened. He didn't answer.

I really don't think it'll last long. As you know, I drank yesterday, but I didn't get absurdly drunk. You didn't see how quickly and how badly I spiraled from that last year though. My lack of life-preservation skills HAS to keep me from old age. Might keep me from tomorrow. Not overt intentional suicide. I don't think anyways, but I promise I'll call if I can catch myself thinking "I'm going to xxx" before I actually act on it.

Ugh I smell weed. It's strong, and I want to join in. Knowing these cheap fks around here though it's not the MA dispensary stuff and has some extras I don't care for right now.

ArtieTheSequal · Yesterday at 09:17 PM

omgosh I love writing (and revising) poetry every day! This practice makes my soul so happy. And I'm not even writing about you/therapy anymore. How about that?

ScarletPimpernel · Yesterday at 11:03 PM

I understand things happen, but I really needed you tonight. I waited all day for you. And tomorrow is extremely inconvenient for me. The night before the move? I have other things I need to do!

Mountaindewed · Today at 12:01 AM

Theres a song on my phone called Greenlight. It reminds me of when one of my therapists called me a greenlight for saying you don't mess with small peoples food and you don't mess with big peoples food.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLVII

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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,446 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,870 hugs given	May 13, 2024 at 02:06 PM #561 Well they haven't cancelled yet. Theres still plenty of time though. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,446 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,870 hugs given	May 14, 2024 at 07:40 PM #563 Possible trigger: I took zzquil because I was thinking of therapy. Its kinda like that song " you got me feeling like an overdose" I feel it deep in my blood sometimes. Spring of 06. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,293 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,789 hugs given	Yesterday at 09:17 PM #565 omgosh I love writing (and revising) poetry every day! This practice makes my soul so happy. And I'm not even writing about you/therapy anymore. How about that?
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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,425 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,448 hugs given	Yesterday at 11:03 PM #566 I understand things happen, but I really needed you tonight. I waited all day for you. And tomorrow is extremely inconvenient for me. The night before the move? I have other things I need to do! __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,446 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,870 hugs given	Today at 12:01 AM #567 Theres a song on my phone called Greenlight. It reminds me of when one of my therapists called me a greenlight for saying you don't mess with small peoples food and you don't mess with big peoples food. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
	Reply With Quote