[sunrise]

Here I was all set to share the explosive feelings triggered by my lawyer's email in therapy, but it didn't happen.

What was cool about the session was that immediately when we started, T came over and sat with me and gave me his full attention. No sitting over at his desk doing emails. I had obliquely reprimanded him for that last session and also had made another comment when we had been talking about how that session's close attunement came about: "once you put your laptop down and your notebook and really paid attention to me, then it happened." Well, he was right there across from me yesterday, ready and waiting to do therapy, so I think I got my point across.

Anyway, when he looked at me expectantly, I said, well we usually start off with S (we always seem to touch base on what is happening with S, the child specialist working on my case to represent my kids' needs in the divorce, and T is always the one to bring this up). He waited but I hesitated to ask more, as I knew they had just all had a big pow-wow with the lawyers and I wasn't sure I should be prying. I didn't want to put him in an ethical bind. He said, "whatcha needing?" (which made me kinda googly inside ) I asked if there was anything he could share with me.

We ended up talking about that situation the whole hour (he said it was ethically OK), its possible legal and parenting implications, some ideas for possible approaches and next steps. All that was really, really helpful and reassuring to me. Not what I had hoped we'd talk about, but very valuable. Divorce coach stuff, but great nonetheless!

I told him at the end that things were not going that great on the financial piece (what I'd hope to discuss) and he immediately wanted to know what. But we'd already gone over time, and the next client was waiting. "What did you want to tell me?" he asked. By this time I was at the door and I just looked down at him (he was sitting at his desk) and said "everything." Maybe I looked really needy or something because he said, "I really want to hear this." He got an almost forlorn look--maybe that's not the right word--like he so wanted to help me with this, but was a bit frustrated because he couldn't. It was weird! "I know, I wanted to tell you, but we're out of time. And what we talked about was really good. I'm glad we talked about that." And he agreed, yes, it was a good session, a really good talk. I felt like I was trying to reassure him. I told him I'd be OK, and he said we'll talk about this first thing next time. This is probably projection, but I really felt I was seeing some sort of "need" in him to help me (perhaps combined with curiousity). I felt a certain sense of "investment" from him in me and my troubles. (Is this just my convoluted way of saying that I witnessed that he cares for me?)

I was feeling more at peace this session with the coach/therapist dual role situation. These "people" are there for me to use and I can benefit from them both.

Even though we did not talk about the triggering situation that had upset me, I felt better about it when I left. I see people here post about how their T can "soothe" them, but I have never felt that myself. But today I felt soothed simply by T's presence and our interaction, and felt much less triggered. I went home and slept really well.

[lauren_helene]

That is great Sunny! I'm glad he soothed you. I don't think you were projecting, I'm a believer that not everything that happens in the therapy room is about defense mechanisms or transference.

My T loves it when I tell him that! I believe that at times, they are being genuine.

For example, last session I talked to T about how I fantasize that after therapy is all done, we can stay in touch. I told him that I realize this is fantasy and he said there is nothing wrong with that.

He also said "do you think you would like me outside of here?" he also said that he has his own family and friends and right now our conversations are all about me but it isn't that way in friendship. Then he gave me two stories of doctors who became too friendly with their patients and ended up neglecting their overall health (these were MD's not therapists).

Anyway, I said sure I would like you. Unless you've been playing some part in a play for the last two years, I think I've experienced you being genuine with me. We've had conversations about how well we connect, get along and laugh.

My point in telling you this is that there are times when are T's are being real and genuine with us. My problem is I try to take that a step further by believing he also wants to stay in touch later on.

Now that is projection!!!! I'm working on it.

[sunrise]

Thanks, almedafan. You and your T sound so close that you can discuss that you would like to be his friend. He sounds like he respects and handles the fantasy really well.

I don't want to be my T's friend outside of therapy. I guess my fantasy is much tamer--I wish he could be my therapist forever, once a week, year after year. I would be very happy with that. I would not want to be his friend outside of therapy because I think that would impinge on or alter our therapeutic relationship, with which I am very happy!

Today something really funny happened to me, and of all the people I know, my T would appreciate it best. I can picture telling him about it and our laughing together. I think I miss him today.

[chaotic13]

Sunrise,
I think it is great that you left you session, even through it didn't go as you expected, soothed. I'm not feeling soothed at all when I leave.
I think your open and direct communication with him helps him help you.

From what you've posted, I think your T is invested in caring for you.