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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,963
12 3,238 hugs
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#141
Absolutely.
The inbuilt deadlines in courses can be so motivating. I know that's the point, but when that scaffolding goes, we have to motivate ourselves...and that can be hard. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,028
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.3k hugs
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#142
Oh, and I ended up reading that submission to Dr. T today. I brought it with me, unsure if I wanted to share. But the couple topics I was trying didn't seem to go anywhere, so I opted just to read it out loud. I paused a few times so we could discuss parts of it. And we ended up in a good discussion at the end, though I wish I'd started reading it sooner so we'd have had more time to talk about it then (we did go maybe 5 minutes over the 50 minutes).
I also realized a couple typos/unclear parts while reading it out loud, so maybe I need to start doing that as part of my revisions (not even reading it *to* anyone, just saying it out loud when no one can hear me.) There was one line where I said it, then said maybe I needed to edit it. And Dr. T asked me to read it again. He said he thought what I initially wrote was what I meant, and it made sense. We discussed it for a few minutes. I suppose I could share the line: "If I know what makes them tick, I can avoid doing anything that will cause them to make me leave." I thought maybe it should have been "that will cause them to leave." But Dr. T said he saw it in the sense of, my fear of crossing some line with him (or whoever), where he'd say, "OK, you need to leave and not come back." Which is accurate. |
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,963
12 3,238 hugs
given |
#143
I stand in awe of your courage, LT.
Early drafts are sacred ground, and sharing them takes guts...even in therapy. The excerpt that you shared really resonates with me. I hope you can see your way to keeping the momentum going. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,827
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7 10.3k hugs
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#144
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Roses are falling.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Seattle.
Posts: 9,827
(SuperPoster!)
7 10.3k hugs
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#145
Quote:
__________________ ![]() Last edited by Lemoncake; Yesterday at 04:25 PM.. |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,209
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13 67.2k hugs
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#146
LT - thats a powerful and very concise statement. Actually the first part of it bothers me more than the possibly rewritten part. In the sense of, geez i dont even know if i ever thought about what made the other person tick. Us italians (my parents, mussolini) just pressurize people to get our own way. I dont really like that use of the word pressurize - it makes me think of blowing up a bicycle tire.
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,028
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.3k hugs
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#147
Quote:
Aw, thanks, Lost! Dr. T did say something like, "Why do you seem embarrassed to be reading this to me?" and I wasn't sure how to answer (he said it in a compassionate, curious way, not critical). I mean, he also writes (I think fiction? Well, and research stuff.) He should understand how it feels a bit exposing. Even if I've shared similar things with him in session, it's a bit different. |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,028
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.3k hugs
given |
#148
Quote:
Thanks, Lemon. I started on the revision when I was on a 2-night getaway about an hour away. I'm hoping to be able to go to my parents' beach condo later this month and do a bit there, too. And maybe I'll try some coffee shops/cafes around here as well. This month is more difficult because D is in a half-day camp (social skills, provided by school system for free), and it can be more difficult to write when she's wandering about. I do think I need to just try writing whenever I have a bit of time and see what comes out. Even if it's just a bit at a time. Bird by bird, like the Anne Lamott thing. |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,028
(SuperPoster!)
9 75.3k hugs
given |
#149
Quote:
Thanks, Una. I spend too much time thinking about what makes others tick, in large part due to my mother's influence (who is actually part Italian, but maybe the German part overtakes that). Dr. T was saying today how we tend to go back to what we were taught in childhood, unless we find a better way. He compared it to how people will continue to use fossil fuels unless they find something that works better for them. I asked what the "better way" was, and he sort of laughed and said it's difficult for those with anxiety, that it's basically just realizing we don't really have control over relationships. That we can just choose to be kind and do the best we can (or something like that), knowing that might not be enough. And to appreciate the time we have with someone, knowing it might not last. And accepting that. |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,209
(SuperPoster!)
13 67.2k hugs
given |
#150
Lt - it reminds me of speak softly but carry a big stick. Speaking softly was never in my repertoire. Im more of a bulldozer. Just like mom! Next life i am choosing my parents more carefully!
So i do salute you for at least showing an interest in the other person, even if it is ultimately for your self-interest. I mean, it IS in the interest of maintaining the relationship. And we all curb ourselves to some extent. In my family, curbing means someone is WRONG. Oh, thats too much salt for you? Well you are WRONG. Salt is not bad for you. ***from my family dinner gifs |
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Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,250
5 1,229 hugs
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#151
Lemon-Congratulations on your accomplishment! I’m so proud of you.
LT- You did some powerful brave work with your writing and then sharing it with Dr. T. The sentence the way you wrote it the first time definitely stands out more and I understood what you meant. Artie-Happy Belated Birthday. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: NJ
Posts: 1,250
5 1,229 hugs
given |
#152
Valerian Root brings weird dreams. A few nights ago I dreamt about falling under water in an ocean. I wasn’t drowning but every time I popped my head up above water I fell back under again. The dream 2 nights ago was a little less intense. I was doing laundry and the washing machine wasn’t working. In the dream I was standing in front of the washing machine going “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no”. Repeatedly. Then I woke up.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,755
5 |
#153
LT, have you read Folie a Deu by Rosie Alexander? I am reading it at the moment and you might find it interesting. It's a woman's account of her experiences with therapy, focusing on her intense feelings for her therapists. One of the things I am finding interesting about it is that it really highlights the transferable nature of these unresolved and unfinished feelings. From a therapy memoir aspect, there might be aspects worth looking at. It's old and maybe out of print, but then aren't we all, or at least those of us worth re-reading.
ETA: Folie à Deux! Last edited by comrademoomoo; Today at 10:12 AM.. |
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