Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

Lemon-Congratulations on your accomplishment! I’m so proud of you.

LT- You did some powerful brave work with your writing and then sharing it with Dr. T. The sentence the way you wrote it the first time definitely stands out more and I understood what you meant.

Artie-Happy Belated Birthday.

Valerian Root brings weird dreams. A few nights ago I dreamt about falling under water in an ocean. I wasn’t drowning but every time I popped my head up above water I fell back under again. The dream 2 nights ago was a little less intense. I was doing laundry and the washing machine wasn’t working. In the dream I was standing in front of the washing machine going “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no”. Repeatedly. Then I woke up.

LT, have you read Folie a Deu by Rosie Alexander? I am reading it at the moment and you might find it interesting. It's a woman's account of her experiences with therapy, focusing on her intense feelings for her therapists. One of the things I am finding interesting about it is that it really highlights the transferable nature of these unresolved and unfinished feelings. From a therapy memoir aspect, there might be aspects worth looking at. It's old and maybe out of print, but then aren't we all, or at least those of us worth re-reading.

ETA: Folie à Deux!

Thanks, Jersey! And it's good to know you understood what I meant.

Hi Comrade. I haven't read that, so thanks for letting me know about it. I found a used copy I can get on Amazon for a reasonable price, so have that hanging out in my Wishlist to buy later.

And lol to us being old and out of print, but worth rereading.

I did just get feedback from the revision I submitted, and she was very positive about the changes I made.

What's funny is that I added in this one comparison to something from The Sopranos from an analogy Dr. T made recently regarding displaced grief. And the instructor commented on that analogy and said she liked it just as much this time as the first time she read it--though it wasn't in there before! So I suppose it fit in well.

I find the original version of this line quite interesting, not because of Dr T’s interpretation, which is obvious, but more significantly because it suggests you largely see yourself as passive, as though you have no control or agency in relationships.

There was a person that wrote about their therapy in an online blog-I think it was called tales of a boundary ninja. I never really understood the point of it as her descriptions made no sense to me, but it was a tale of going to therapy and being way into the therapist - it seemed to bring her some small notoriety on a different forum about psych stuff.

Yes, I read some of that early on when dealing with transference stuff with ex-MC (and around when I joined here). I appreciated her sharing her experiences. Helped me feel less alone. Not surprised your response was more one of being puzzled by her decision to share.

This is a good observation. Yes, I know that's part of it. And it's something I have felt/still feel at times.

What's interesting is that this dynamic is becoming an issue for me in my relationship with H. Where it seems he's (in his mind) in charge of the parenting rules of the house. And really, the rules of he house in general, which doesn't seem fair.

I brought up an aspect of this when we were out at dinner tonight and ended up deciding to leave and go home because the conversation was going in a bad direction. Where I felt I just had to step away, or it would have gotten worse (we'd driven separately). I feel like I stood up for myself in bringing it up in the first place, then opting to leave.

To clarify, it wasn't a case of my flouncing out and hoping he'd follow me. it was just, "OK, I think I'm going to go home now." (I was actually relieved he didn't follow me out or text telling me to come back in.)

I was less puzzled by her decision to write a blog because people write blogs all the time and I rarely understand why most of them do it regardless of the subject matter - but I have accepted that some people seem to have some need to do it. It was more I had no idea what she was going on about in the actual writing.

My sister made and sent me a small box of cherry chocolate chip cookies for my birthday. They are so yummy! And she also made me a soup-bowl cozy using a fabric decorated with cats. It's so cute and I can't wait to use it.

What's interesting about the nutritionist that I had @Lemoncake is that she recommended the drink "Boost" to me which ended up making me gain weight, so not much good she did. *Sigh* I had no experience with Protein shakes so I had no idea what it would do. Then she went on vacation and just never came back. :/ Suffice to say, I am hesitant about getting another one.

This weight issue is really out of control. Gaining 50 pounds in the past three months have been very traumatic for me, and only now was I told how out of balance my thyroid is. I am glad I have answers, but the damage is done. The effect on my mental health has been severe, I am drowning in self-hate and eating even MORE out of all my pain. I have no motivation to diet or exercise either. I just want to sit and feel sorry for myself and complain. My therapist says I have a "bully" in my personality that does this, and I believe him. I have named this "bully" my younger, skinnier self that can't drink and party anymore and is just pissed with me being sober and fat. I feel like Al Pacino from "Devil's Advocate" is mocking me by saying in my ear, "Vanity is my favorite sin" because I know how vain I really am - my woes with weight have almost nothing to do with health.

There is a Get Smart marathon on tonight - I loved this show when I was little. I like it now because I understand the more adult jokes

I'm really sorry to hear about your experience with the nutritionist. It sounds incredibly frustrating and disappointing, especially given how much trust you placed in seeking professional help.

In moments with the internal bully, practicing radical acceptance might help. It doesn’t mean you approve of or agree with what's happening, but it means recognizing the truth of your current situation without resisting it and adding extra layers of shame. Have you looked if you could get any extra governmental program or charity support ?

I hope you can find some compassion for yourself. It's clear that you're going through a lot, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed and to take things one step at a time.

Today started at 5:45 am, courtesy of my neighbours letting their cat out.

Then I began having feelings about the support group experience last night, which has given me insight and left me with more to process.

So I couldn't get back to sleep.

I'd rather not talk about the specifics of my realisation, but I'm feeling wrecked by it.

Hugs to you, Lost.

Thanks, LT.

I hope today's been kinder to you.

Thanks, Lost, it's been going OK. And I'm going to a concert tonight. Just wish it was less hot out, with it being outdoors--it's currently 91 F.

Yikes....

I hope you have ways to stay hydrated.

Venues here won't allow you to bring your own drinks.

Two showers in three days! Im a self-care maniac!

2 showers in 3 days? That's crazy talk. Look at you - made of water and money it seems.

In the summer, I go through 2 showers a day if I am outside biking or walking a lot. It just feels so much better to wash off the sunscreen, bug spray (ticks and chiggers all over here), and sweat.

As a laaaady, i only glow.

Like a firefly!

Shine little glow worm, glimmer, glimmer
Shine little glow-worm, glimmer, glimmer
Lead us lest too far we wander
Love's sweet voice is calling yonder

“I glow because I know what my worth is.”

Well done Una.

I really liked this Disney movie Encanto . Lots of generational trauma for each family member. The Spotify link still works even though it says unsupported.

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Hope you’re feeling a bit better today.