Couch 249: The Self Care Couch

LitB was mostly before I was born with the last season or two when I was a baby and BH90120 was a few years after I had graduated from law school. BH was a 90s show.
I am currently watching a different 90s show - Will and Grace. God I hate the character grace (debra messing sounds like a mess as well but I have no idea what her real personality is). The character of grace is just a horrible human.

I ate actual plums from the fridge for breakfast. They were sweet. And cold.

I'd have been unapologetically apologetic about eating them had they been someone else's plums- they were delicious and perfect in my yogurt. I might not have left a note, though. Heh.

Omg. I remember not wanting to play with my cousin because she was a 7 year old baby and i was 10 years old. It was the summer before 5th and 3rd grade. She turned 8 at the end of august, and i got my first period on labor day. She came over one day and i was not in the mood. I hid in my bedroom and she talked to my dad, who was on layoff from the factory. Maybe it was my first episode of pms. I still feel guilty. OTOH, where i was neglected, she was smothered. But we were both manipulated.

Thank goodness for support services that care.

My contact at the helpline has offered me a Monday slot during this period of upheaval.

We had another helpful conversation today, where she reminded me of the importance of taking breaks from grief work as well as validating that I'm in a different space now.

Everyeffingthing is happening at once, and I'm in no way equipped to deal with it.

There must be some equivalent of an emotional core workout...unless that's the role of therapy?

Hugs, Lost. I'm glad you'll be able to meet with the helpline contact. Is this when your T is on vacation?

And I would sort of think of therapy as an emotional core workout. Maybe something like art or writing that uses the brain in a somewhat different way could help? Or immersing yourself in, say, a book or movie that you know in advance wouldn't trigger you in some way (like something you've seen/read before or where you could check reviews to make sure). Though unexpected things can trigger us, I've learned.

Virtual session with Dr. T this morning. He's clearly at the beach, as there was a painted wooden sign behind him that listed "Beach Rules" in one of those sort of "live, laugh, love" styles--like "Read a book, walk in the ocean, watch a sunset, play in the sand." My parents have either the same one or a very similar one in the room where I sleep at their beach condo. I'll likely be going there next week, so guess I can confirm then.

I appreciated that he remembered I don't like blurred backgrounds, so he found a way to not have one. I was going to ask him about it in advance, but then decided that whatever it was, I'd just deal with it. I mentioned it at the start of session, and he said, "We talked about it." Me: "Uh, no we didn't." Dr. T: "Last time I was away. I remembered from then." Me: "Oh!"

I see R in person Thursday, then Dr. T virtually Friday. I now feel like I could have just kept the regular sessions with Dr. T and not seen R, but I hadn't known when scheduling with her that Friday (and today) would have been good, productive sessions. And I know last time he met with me while he was traveling, it felt weird, so didn't know whether I wanted to do that all three days. I don't want to cancel on R--I think she could still provide some good insight on things--maybe help connect some dots that Dr. T and I have put on the page.

Though really, it's probably better to see her when I'm not upset with Dr. T. So it's not like I'm running to her about that. Maybe I can think of her more as a specialist that I'm consulting, like an endocrinologist.

Thanks LT,

You've offered some great ideas.

I'll make use of the service whilst R is on leave, and then as a kind of check in throughout the virtual time.

Now is not the time for me to be putting stuff on ice.

I need to be able to speak as freely as possible, whatever that takes.

Oh my. I just found out that h's cardiologist owns a vineyard that's about an hour away from here. They host wine tastings and stuff. How cool! We are going to have to go there one of these weekends and buy some wine!

I’m Gen X (born in 1979). I never watched BH90210 or Melrose Place but I think my older sister did. (She’s 4 years older than me). Once in a blue moon if I catch it on, I can be found watching Leave It To Beaver reruns. I was never a fan of Will and Grace even though I did watch some episodes. I had a college professor who looked like Debra Messing in that era. I feel like my time frames are messed up because I remember being very into shows that I shouldn’t have been into when I was young. I really enjoyed watching Silk Stalkings (a cop show). I also remember watching Dark Shadows.

LT-Glad it seems you had a good session.

ooh yes I used to love Dark Shadows.

I recall watching it on weekend nights.

My parents watched Dark Shadows. I remember watching Twin Peaks. I don't know why I was allowed to. I don't know why I was allowed to watch/read many things as a child. Like my favorite book was Clan of the Cave Bears. What's a 12 year old doing reading that series?

I never liked any violent or scary or sad tv show so that was not a concern of my parents but I am glad they never interfered with anything I wanted to read. I didn't understand some of it (East of Eden at 13 or 14 comes to mind (I remember it was middle school) - I was on a Steinbeck jag.) but they didn't try to censor me at all.

Dark Shadows was on when I was little - kindergarten I think - and barnabas collins was about the scariest thing I ever saw - and then never looked at it again. The version I am talking about was on from 1966-71.

There were two Dark Shadows, the sixties one and the nineties one. I’ve seen episodes of both. The sixties one is way better.

I am apparently entering politics (not really…I hope)—the governor appointed me to some state advisor6 board on disability.

Awesome blossom!

What, cactus wine? Do you guys have enough rainfall to grow grapes? Im sorry i am very bad at geography! But i can see Canada from my balcony...

Thanks, Jersey! Also GenX (1977), but I did watch 90210 and Melrose. Maybe that 2 years made the difference? Looks like it started in 1990, when I would have been 13.

I watched Will and Grace a little, but was never that into it. I was more of a Friends and Seinfeld fan in terms of sitcoms around that time. Didn't really watch Silk Stalkings or Dark Shadows.

I also watched Twin Peaks, which I guess was when I was 13. I was likely too young for it, but my parents watched with me, so... I remember watching it once when I was spending the night with my grandmother's and feeling awkward due to a sex scene. She seemed OK with it, though "Golden Girls" was what we normally watched together!

I had a crush on Kyle MacLachlan from that, though probably more on his character Dale Cooper. (It certainly didn't carry over to his later Sex and the City character.)

Never read Clan of the Cave Bear either. I've read a thing saying that parents of that generation didn't pay much attention to what their kids were watching or reading. That it's much different now (especially with all the "screen time is bad" stuff).

I think in general we were not -as a generation -hovered over like children are today. I can't imagine why my parents would've cared what I was reading or why I would've wanted them to care. I'm glad that it was OK for my parents to only have a general idea of where I was throughout the day. I didn't feel neglected and I don't think I was neglected. One thing I find appalling out is how college students are forced and apparently some actually just allow their parents to track them all the time.

I just got some weird little plum from Trader Joe's called I think a cherry plum or plum cherry

Yes, I was reading a recent advice column (I think on parenting?) where the writer said all of her friends track their teenage kids on their phones (using an app), and she was wondering whether she should keep doing this after her child went to college. And she mentioned that one friend still tracked her 24-year-old married daughter (maybe it's with her consent? I don't know). Which just seems screwed up.

My sister-in-law is able to use Find My Phone to locate where my mother-in-law is, but that's because she's in poor health and lives alone, and she also consented to it. I could have seen my mom wanting to track me if I was a teen/college student today, due to her anxiety.

I used to track H on his way home from work. You can track your Teslas within their app. I wanted to predict when he came home so dinner was ready about the same time. When I drove, he'd track me too. We're not jealous or controlling people or anything like that. I guess just nosey or curious?

About Clan of the Cave Bears: It's more like a woman's romance novel. Pretty cool because she actually did research on that period so it could be more accurate. My dad is actually the one who told me to read it. I feel I was too young for the sex stuff. I didn't even have sex Ed until the following year. Then I understood better what I was actually reading.

Y'all, I just feel so tired lately. Tired of working full time. I find myself a lot of days just plain not giving a **** anymore about work. I didn't make bonus for June, and I've already f'd myself out of July's bonus as well by not giving a carp and making stupid mistakes. Not major mistakes that are going to affect anyone's life/health, just dumb spelling errors that I lose quality points for so knock myself out of the ridiculously high quality range to get bonus. Sigh. I know it's mostly because I've gained SO much weight since February. My dr the other day when I had my normal thyroid follow-up told me he was "concerned". I told him I know, so am I, and that I signed up for the medical weight loss program offered through my insurance; I am having thorough blood work done on Friday morning to start that program and will work with a doctor and a dietician. I'll bet my thyroid is completely out of whack again. I don't know. I'm not sleeping well and I'm just so tired and sluggish all day long. All I really would like to do is lay on the couch and read/write poetry. I'm trying to force myself to be positive and upbeat and stuff but I'm failing. I'm also still feeling a lot of guilt about how I ended with L. I will be talking to the new temporary t (R) on Thursday. Hope she can help.

hugs/headnods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

Oh, I think tracking is fine if both people consent. When H used to go on runs (before he was injured), he'd set up his Garmin watch so that I could track him. That way, if he collapsed or something, I'd be able to figure it out and could send help. I was thinking of it more in terms of parents still trying to control or keep tabs on their college-age/young adult children. I could see needing something like that for our D when she's older, though, due to her autism and intellectual disability. Her school bus has a tracker, which is helpful.

I guess if both people are okay then fine but it concerns me that some people are so anxious or afraid or whatever that they think that tracking someone will do anything to really help the anxiety. To me -that is just adding to the problem. I don't want to be tracked or to track anybody. My father who is in his 80s still does 1/2 marathons and his spouse and my sibling both track his progress with worry. I figure if something happens someone will tell me and tracking him would do nothing at all to help.
For something like dinner - a text of I am on my way would do the same - to me.