Couch 250: An August Couch

Perhaps not fun, but I think there can be a sense of self reliance that can be useful.
But we all have fun in different ways.

Hugs, Lost. I think you deserve gold stars for all of that!

R used a good analogy today. I was saying how I felt very hair-trigger lately, like small things will set me off emotionally. She said she was thinking of an electrical cord, that if you took the outer insulation off, it's just these bare wires. And it seems like I'm missing the insulation right now. So we need to figure out ways to build that back up--the Calm app (which I have re-downloaded) being one of them. (And yes, I need to check into the DBT groups, I know--we discussed that briefly, too.) Trying a new medication is another.

It's helping to think of it that way, the uninsulated wires.

I think maybe I also need to look at my life and see if there's anything I can pull back from right now while I work on the insulation--I actually took a step Monday to possibly do that with one of my freelance accounts, but it will take some time for a change to actually go into effect (switching to a different account that better fits with my skill set). Unfortunately, H has another hernia surgery on the 11th, and I'll have to add a bunch of home/childcare responsibilities for a bit. So I hope I can build it up a bit before that.

Thanks for sharing her analogy, LT.

It resonates with me.
I hope you can find other ways to build it up.

Thanks, Lost. You, too!

I like that analogy of uninsulated wires too. Right now I'm starting to feel more than a little uninsulated and rather frayed. Lots of stuff going on. Most of it money related like h and my life has turned into a money pit the last couple months and we're slowly trying to dig our way out. between the HVAC needing to be replaced, having to replace my car, expensive repairs on h's car, h needing 5 crowns on his terrible-shape teeth (!) and a few other things, practically overnight we've added too many thousands of $$ of new debt (at least the part that's for the car we bought, is spread out over 5 years.) All of this new debt scares the h e double hockey sticks out of me after going through our bankruptcy 10+ years ago. I do not want to have to go through that again. We sat down this afternoon and mapped out how we are going to pay it off, something akin to Dave Ramseys' debt snowball thing. If I think too long about how much we suddenly owe, it makes me so sick to my stomach. I hate money. Or, I hate the need for money.

Hugs, Artie. That is a lot at once. I hope everything works out OK financially.

I hate dealing with money stuff, too. Meanwhile, my mother is a bookkeeper by trade. Though maybe that's part of why I have issues about money... Along with other childhood stuff.

I was also talking to R about how there'd been a lack of continuity with therapy the past few months for assorted reasons--stuff around Dr. T's move, his last-minute vacation in July, my going to the beach twice, his being away now. (And, really, just my having been away parts of two different weeks in August in general, I guess.) And R said it seems like one thing that keeps me insulated is routine. I think there's something to that.

So maybe I need to set up some routines for myself that aren't so dependent on other people. I mean, obviously, things happen. But, say, if I figured out a good meditation on the Calm app to use when I first get up or right before bed maybe, that could possibly help. As that's something I could also do even if I were elsewhere. Some sort of physical exercise would be good to fit in there, too.

Some examples:
Light a candle in the morning
Morning coffee and journaling
Reading time in the afternoon
Lunch at a set time.

Thanks, Lemon! These are some good ideas.

Are you of the school of thought that annoying others eventually leads them, like an oyster, to produce pearls from a gritty annoying grain of sand?

@@, wanna double date?

*NSYNC dance trend of?? #dance #dancetrend #nsync - YouTube

You’re going to break SD’s heart.

If only.
Most folks just produce more grit.

Yet again, your R is on the money, while mine seems to have her head in the clouds.
Routine is a key element of stability.

'Not long now before we're back to normal - I'm looking forward to that, and I imagine you are too..'

I felt like I had to say yes, but it's not going to be normal, because she disappeared at a time when I really need her.

I'm talking about this stuff with other people, but the processing happens within our relationship.

R made a rather significant disclosure today about her own alcohol addiction history. It was relevant to the discussion, and I appreciated her sharing it. Makes me feel more like she understands. Not that someone has had to experience something to understand, but still...

We had some other good discussion on other topics as well. Including the balance between not trying to control other people in an attempt to get my needs met, but also not being a people pleaser. I do wish I could see her more regularly. Or as my main T even. Though Dr. T has said it's fine to see her for alcohol stuff when he's in town, as it's a specialty of hers but not his. Same with EMDR, but I haven't discussed that option with her recently.

I'm so glad you had a useful session, LT.

It's almost a shame that you didn't meet her before you met Dr. T - but I suppose if you hadn't met him, then you wouldn't have crossed paths with her.

Couch Workout Club day 31

Three sets of weighted core workout* exercises, plus a walk around the block.

*Weighted core workout is the same as seated core workout, but adding weights.

Doing some cooking today. I roasted a batch of hatch chilis first, now I've got chicken in the air fryer. Not sure what's next on the agenda. Maybe some blueberry muffins again.

Yes, exactly. I'm not sure she was listed on Psychology Today, which is where I found him. And thanks!

I also wonder what would have happened had Dr. T been our marriage counselor instead of ex-MC.