Gross

I haven't posted here in a while. So hello to those who were there when I struggled with my therapy.

I have been seering my therapist since July 2017. We have a pretty great relationship and I trust her...HOWEVER, this week she said something that unintentionally sent me into a spiral. I always felt dirty and gross in regards to long term abuse by step-dad. Logically, I have no reason to feel this way. The abuser should feel these things.

Anyway, I was describing to her signs of my abuse that others should have seen but failed to do so. I told her of a specific event with pictures as proof. Her reaponse to my desription was wow that is gross. i KNOW it is in reference to what happend and what he did but it also triggers me feeling gross. Gross things happened and I was involved. I wish I didn't have to wait another week to talk to her. Sometimes I hate therapy and this is one of those times.

Yes, that would be a good thing to mention. Can you message her in advance?

I stuggle with outside contact she has always allowed it but q couple of years ago she brought up really limiting it. So now I reserve it for times when things are really bad.

I think she had a bad choice in words. Definitely bring it up with her when you see her next week.

What is she doing passing judgment? Thag is so not her job. Its supposed to be unconditional positive regard. She needs a refresher course. Im a little angry on your behalf.

She was not judging me but rather the combination of what my abuser did to me AND that he was so brazen about it. I know she cares deeply about me and perhaps her disgust for my abuser took over for a few moments.

However, it landed in the self disguar I have.

I know she wasnt judging YOU. But i dont think a t should be declaring that she thinks something is beautiful OR ugly. A therapy session is your space for your feelings and opinions, not the t's. It should be a judgment-free zone, period. Very unprofessional of her.

My ts might maybe make a judgy joke, but this was nowhere in the vicinity of a joke.

Again, very sorry she said this, and she owes you an apology - not so much for calling something gross, but for being unprofessional. As you say, her feelings taking over for the moment.

If it triggered feelings of grossness within you then maybe it's not a bad thing to have happened.. You get to bring those feelings to the room and talk about why you feel the negativity.. Its all grist for the mill and humans aren't robots stuff slips out. She was obviously talking about the act and not you as you've said so take it as an opportunity

So instead of texting / messaging her, write out the message now (perhaps in a text or on paper) but don't send it. You can read it to her at the start of the next session.

I like to capture my feelings as soon as they occur. Otherwise my left brain tends to distort them into what I should be feeling or into some other disingenuous response. It has taken me a long time just to realize I have feelings and then to figure out what they are. So my approach might be at the beginner / pre-school level.

I agree with the other poster(s) who believe the therapist was reacting to your abuser and not to you.

Good advice, square peg guy! Lightbulb moment for me when you said ‘before my left brain distorts them into what should be feeling’ as I just realised I do this too but didn’t realise I do.