Can’t see T ever again :(

I had been seeing my therapist for ages not sure how many years. I really got along well with her and then I got a bit stuck and I didn’t know what to do. I last saw her in October last year but recently I have started seeing a new therapist and this therapist is a male which is different from what I usually do but he specialises in trauma and I think that he is a much better fit for what I need. Anyway, I asked my old therapist when would be an ok time to see her again outside of the therapy room. I’m not asking her to be friends with me. I just want to be able to see her again and this has been huge for me to swap over to a new therapist. She said that I can’t see her again. I would have just liked to see her to share how things are with my children and life, like having another child and small updates that are not therapy related. I feel really devastated.

The first therapist I ever saw made me wait for a year before being able to talk to me outside of therapy. We didn’t catch up very often and I haven’t seen her for years. I don’t understand why one therapist can do this and one can’t.

Hi Liberty,

I'm glad you've found a therapist who can support you in the way that you need.
Different therapists have different codes of practice, but generally speaking it's considered unethical for a therapist to engage with any kind of social relationship with a former client.

Take care,

Lost

Therapists as a group do not have any solid rules - I think most associations and us states each have various laws that generally prohibit sex or money exploitation but other than that - therapists just make up what ever they want and clients have to deal with it. They think they are super special and so on. They were paid to listen to a client and when that ends - many want nothing more to do with clients -and so they lie and say there are rules.

Therapists do get to make up their own rules. I think my current therapist, L, is like that. We haven’t discussed it much because we don’t plan on ending anytime soon and even if we did I could always come back, but as a client. I can’t meet her outside of the therapeutic relationship ever. I will be fighting her on this later down the line.

Anyways, it sucks, I feel for you, AND it’s her rules. She should have explained them to you before your closure sessions.

Can you maybe ask for an update session? Or to have another closure session? Where you actually pay for the hour. Maybe then you can see her one last time.

Or if you simply want to update her, can you ask to email her? I do that with my other therapist. I would email her updates once a month.

its a personal choice.

therapists have a job and they have an off duty personal life.

its their own personal choice whether they want their clients and ex clients walking up to them during their personal off duty time.

some therapist's personal choice is ok
and other therapist's personal choice is nope.

just like you get to spend time talking with whoever you choose to, so do they. it's their time off the job and they get to spend it however they want to.

thats their personal space and time.

It will be painful for a while the rejection, but hety you've got a new T that you say is a better fit.. It's ying and yang really

It is both devastating for you and ethical from her.

is she a social worker? we have to follow the NASW code of ethics. it forbids dual relationships. it sucks and im sorry