Trigger icon applied for mentions of cutting.

First of all, I have to say-- I love him.

What a wild session today.

I was talking about my cutting to T and I told him how I was having images and instrusive thoughts all day about wanting to cut as soon as I got home-- not even waiting until the night, as I usually do.

I was disappointed in his response, as I wanted him to convey more caring, more concern, and more empathy as far as understanding my pain. This began to make me very, very angry.

T asked me what I was angry about, but I didn't feel like telling him. Then he told me to just get it out and direct him at him. Don't look at the ceiling, don't look at the bookshelf, just look at him in the eyes and tell him everything I think about him right now and everything I think about him when I'm mad at him at other times.

So all of a sudden I just let loose. I called him every name in the book. I told him %#@&#! you (twice). I told him every feeling I had about his reaction to what I had said about my cutting. I cursed at him. I hurled insults. He sat there. He told me to keep going. I can't even type most of the things I said because they are way too inappropriate to place on here. He spoke a little bit. Then I said to him, "Okay. Now this is just going too far."

(Funny part coming up)

So T goes, "Too far? What's the matter? You can't take it?"

So I said, "HELL YEAH, I CAN TAKE IT." Then I smacked my hand on my knee and gestured with my arms and said to him, "SO C'MON AND GET UP."

Then we just stopped, looked at each other, and burst out into hysterical laughter. I have no idea what came over
me-- he had me so fired up that I challenged him to a brawl, hahahahahaha. It was an absolutely beautiful ending to an outpouring of anger.

We then processed about the anger and T told me all the things he had learned from it and the ways in which he can better understand what I need from him in regards to my cutting. Then he burst out laughing again and said, "You told me to get up!!!" I said, "Well, I was ready to settle this like a man!!" hahahaha

So as the session ended, I stood up and extended my hand to T. He took my hand and shook it :-)

I went off to my car and was busy getting ready to drive away, was putting in my cd, adjusting the volume, opening the window a bit, etc. All of a sudden, T comes out of the building and comes over to my car. Through the open window, he says, "Hey-- try not to cut today, okay?" And with that, he went back into the building.

At the beginning of session he made a contract with me. He said, "The contract is that when you reach your optimal stage of wellness in therapy, you are not allowed to stop coming here. I am serious."

I think I have been given a gift.

[coconut64]

Just curious...how do you guys define "your optimal stage of wellness in therapy" .....therapy newbie here!

Hmmm, haven't gotten there yet. Not even close, lol. I will let you know in 98 years when I get there, haha. I would imagine it has to do a lot with a feeling of wholeness-- an integration of the personality and a strong and steady sense of self. Also, the ability to sustain healthy relationshps.

[Perna]

Heck, yeah! I like he told you to keep coming even after optimal therapy. That's what happened to me, the "therapy" part just gradually got less and less and eventually, as much as I loved T and therapy I got to not wanting to spent that much time there I mean, come on, it was a 1-1/2 hour drive there and a 2-1/2 hour drive home in rush hour! :-)

I would have loved to have seen you do a boxer's stance and start bouncing around on the balls of your feet, doing feints.

So glad you got such good anger back for your money :-)

[Kiya]

Pink! THat is AWESOME! OMG i was laughing through the whole thing. ANd then you said the funny part was coming up - i was already lol. That is just awesome. I can't believe you were seriously telling him to get up to brawl!!! I do that when i'm kidding (but no one ever believes me). That ROCKS! He sounds like such a great guy. And that you could actually tell him what you needed in regards to his responses around cutting (Every t should read this - all the rest suck at that topic, IMHO).
I love that he came over to you in the car.
Too cool for words!! kiya

[MissCharlotte]

OMG

If I didn't love my T I would love yours. Well, next time I have a rupture I'm coming over!!!!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
He spoke a little bit

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Was there any opportunity for him to speak a lot? LOL

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
So I said, "HELL YEAH, I CAN TAKE IT." Then I smacked my hand on my knee and gestured with my arms and said to him, "SO C'MON AND GET UP."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

OMG I cannot believe you did that! You are the best--my therapy role model.



</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I think I have been given a gift.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Oh yes, without a doubt.

I am so glad you are back to posting your sessions. Thanks.

[chaotic13]

Pink,
You crack me up. One of these days I'm going to figure out how to just let it out.

[timeforsleep]

Now my sessions seem so boring lol.

[nightbird]

you are fortunate pinksoil, to have such a personable T.

I hope you keep getting better!

peace,
nightbird

[jbug]

Your T sounds great pink. I don't know what my T would do if I started to tell her what was really going through my mind sometimes.

Jbug

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
I was disappointed in his response, as I wanted him to convey more caring, more concern, and more empathy as far as understanding my pain. This began to make me very, very angry.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It is wonderful how you tell him your needs.

Love the fight. Love the contract. I think I wanna clone that contract (although actually my T has told me much the same thing ).

You two are such a good match.

[ECHOES]

I so envy your ability to just be right out with things and say what you want to say.

Humor can break tension in a good way. That scene is hilarious.

I love the contract and that he came to your car and asked you to take care of you

[Fuzzybear]

Pink,
What a hillarious session! Your T is so wonderful. And what a brilliant idea to make a contract that when you reach your optimal stage of wellness in therapy, that you are not allowed to stop coming. Geez, your T is like Einstein or something! I'm so glad it is all working out so well for you, well you and Einstein!