[MissCharlotte]

I am sick to death of trying to reconnect week after bloody week.

I feel inept. You see, I go twice a week. On the second day (Thurs) I usually can make some kind of a connection with T. Often, it's a meaningful one. But by the time the following week rolls around I am--once again--scrambling for some sense of the relationship. I mean, I feel like I'm walking into his room for the first time; as if he's just some guy I go and talk to. I don't feel close to him or eager to get there and share my deepest darkest secrets.

The closest emotion I feel right now is some slight embarrassment at some vague memory of past emotions I have let out in his presence.

I have no object constancy beyond about two days. I do the same with my husband, because he works far away from home and doesn't come home every night.

Here today, gone tomorrow, all too familiar. So, I stay in my little cocoon and wrap myself up where it's safe.

[Lenny]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MissCharlotte said:
Here today, gone tomorrow, all too familiar. So, I stay in my little cocoon and wrap myself up where it's safe.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Could your therapist write you a small note on his stationary that basically says hello to you and asks that you write one paragraph each day to him on the same paper telling one thing about you that you will convey to him in person the following week?

Left to right brain work...

We create connections....or not.

IMHO.

Lenny

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( MissCharlotte )))))))))))))

I've felt exactly that, the space between sessions being a big gaping hole.

Alone isn't safe either, to me anyway.

[Perna]

That sounds hard, especially with your husband away. If you get to having a connection with your T, that will leave you vulnerable to missing your husband more I'd think.

I think I "made friends" with the office we met in before I did with T. I noticed objects and worked with looking for things within the room that felt safe and consistent. It wasn't even my T's room, we borrowed it from another T so they weren't my T's things but noticing the "routine" and changes in things, if any, helped me have a sense of continuity and like I was part of it.

Do you think it was easier to maintain the connection once the phone calls were in place?

I hope you are at your session right now discussing this canyon and some possible ways you could hold onto him during the week.

It's so hard with the same pattern going on with your husband, but that's an important connection you made between the two relationships.

((((((((MissCharlotte)))))))))))

This goes along with Lenny's idea...

...but would it help to have something from T? Something personal? Like I once asked for a tee-shirt of T's so that I could hold onto it when I was not with him. Maybe it sounds "childish" but it helped. or a picture?

[Kiya]

yeah - my old t gave the kid selves a stuffy pony she kept in the office as well as 2 little mini breyer model baby horses. the stuffy went with me every week (twice a week) and joined with my own stuffy horse. even when the kids weren't present, holding the ponies while talking provided a constant feel - and t could usually tell what was going on with me by how i was holding the stuffies. If i didn't take them out of the bag and started to get upset or emotional she'd ask where the ponies were - it was a relief.... i could pour the emotions into them.

[Mouse_]

Yes but with time it gets better. Now It takes me only having to sit in the room with T for about 5mins until I feel bonded with her again. ITs hard I know (())

my T says to write down the thoughts and feelings as they are right in the moment when i feel that way.. what associated memories are there...

do you have a picture? maybe you could ask?

[MissCharlotte]

I can't imagine writing notes. I already journal and now he doesn't want me to mail them to him anymore. He wants me to bring everything into session. I don't want his shirt either. I can look at his picture on the net -- that used to work but doesn't anymore.

I know now that what happens is that I go to a place of nothing. That is the relationship I had with my parents---nothing.

[SweetSunshine]

Sounds so familiar Miss Charlotte. I really feel what you are feeling. But with other people.