Little things Ts do

I think I am understanding this better now. It is not the frame things like "how many times can I call?" that you (Kiya? McKell?) want spelled out, but the actual how therapy works and how the relationship works sort of question? I thought it was just frame things only and couldn't understand why a T wouldn't just answer those (because the ambiguity does cause many clients grief). I agree with ECHOES on the second type of question, that you just let it unfold. For me, therapy is an adventure and I think it is one of the coolest things I have ever done (and painful too). I don't want that spelled out. Because, in a way, how can it be spelled out? Each client is unique. I actually do like being surprised at where we end up and what we explore.

McKell, that interchange you had with your T where she gave you answers to all your questions sounds really good, but maybe you didn't ask all the questions you really wanted to? And perhaps it is better not to ask them all--let things unfold?

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Sunrise said:
It is not the frame things like "how many times can I call?" that you (Kiya? McKell?) want spelled out, but the actual how therapy works and how the relationship works sort of question?

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That's correct for me. I think I have a lot of trouble with close relationships because I can't tolerate the trial an error that goes into creating those relationships. I am very good at dealing with my co-workers or students because I have a clearly defined role (at least in my mind). I know what I am supposed to do and how I am supposed to act. I can collaborate with colleagues, debate, brainstorm, accept and dish out criticism without taking it personally... because it is just work.

What I can't deal with is all of the emotional stuff associated with creating and then maintaining close relationships. The not wanting to hurt someones feelings, the wanting attention but not wanting to appear desperate, or wanting some breathing space when your being suffocated.
It is like these interactions never seem to fit or fit with other relationships. Since I what they all have in common, it is likely the problem is me :-)

I especially hate when you first meet someone and go to lunch. Then its like... the hey I kind of liked going to lunch and ********ting with you... Did you like BSing with me? Do you want to go again? I hate all that crap! Then when you do find a friend you want to spend some time with, it creates a whole other set of problems with other people. In my case I have to not only navigate the friendship but, also justify and answer a bunch of interference questions from my H. Why are he/she calling you all the time? Why do you want to hang out with him/her? Where ya going, Why ya going there? Then if the friendship looks like it is going to be a good one the questions become accusations. She a drunk, she a man-hunter, or my favorite she a lesbian who is trying to flip ya! Everything just becomes a big hassle.

My belief at this moment is....I think my T, whether deliberately or just by being who she is, has sat back and just me build whatever relationship I wanted and is just along for the ride. I've concluded that she is a constructivist and that is why I am feeling so lost. I mentioned before that my T is very professional (not warm and fuzzy), I think I created that person. Probably with some other clients she plays some motherly role or the stern disciplinarian or whatever they want.