If one ends up in the hospital due to cutting/taking a few more pills than one should what happens? I had to talk to two therapists, who were there to decide if I needed to go into into a three-day psychiatric placement. I ended up going home. It happened at my T's office, after the session, I went into the bathroom and did this. I feel horrible now, physically and mentally. He ended up calling my husband to come and pick me up and take me to the ER. I asked T if I could take one of his stuffed animals and he said just make sure to give it back. The world is a cruel, cold place. Things will never change.

Oh, and my T did call me on Friday after I got home. He seemed quite happy. He told me if I needed anyone over the weekend that he was going on vacation and another person would be answering the phones. He'll never care enough. There is nothing I can do or say to make him care enough.

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((((Soliaree))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry for your pain. I hope things get better for you soon. Please stay safe. We care about you.

[Jully]

I am so sorry you are hurting. It does feel like the world is cold and cruel, but you are cared for deeply. Sometimes I think that we are cared for so deeply we won't let ourselves feel it, and instead end up thinking we are not cared for at all. These complex and sometimes painful relationships we seem to develop with our T's are so hard. Care for yourself, and know that others care too.

[Perna]

I'm glad your T called your husband and let you borrow the stuffed animal and called you when you got home. Was this yesterday?

I'm so sorry you feel horrible now. Hope things feel better for you soon.

[chaotic13]

Soliaree, I'm sorry you are feeling so down and uncared for. Sending you big hugs.

I am glad though that you are still here and despite everything that you are still trying to find your way to a better place in this world.

Hang in there Soliaree!

oh soli...

i am so sorry sweetie... you sound so lost and alone inside... it's heart breaking.

what happened in session to bring this on?

i wish i knew what to say to make it better... i really do care about you...

[Mouse_]

Soliree, I've been where you are...believe me the answer isn't in in-treatment either...infact I felt more neglected then ever when I went into psych hospital..its true your T will never care "enought" because that has got to come from inside us....can I ask what was going on in your mind when you done this in the T's bathroom? was it anger directed in a I'll show you way? if so then that will only hurt you more...its at times like this is you can put words to that anger that we find that "enought" feeling...I am sorry you are hurting this bad...its is very hard!...

[MissCharlotte]

((((soliaree))))

I am sending you hugs and kisses. Take care and love yourself and know that we love you.

It is so hard when we feel so alone. Frankly, it sucks. But I do know there is some sunshine out there and I am sending a few rays your way. GET YOUR SUNGLASSES, GIRL BECAUSE THIS RAIN IS OVER!!!!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

[Kiya]

mouse hit that one on the head.... hope you can take care of your self sol.... it can only come from within (as horrible and painful as that sounds). thinking of you.

kiya

I feel really stupid telling everyone why I was so upset, but here goes. I asked T flat out if he loved me, not the love for a wife or anything, just for a person. He said no. When I asked him for the stuffed animal, he said just make sure you bring it back. Thanks for the loving-kindness, you know? Oh, and please go on %#@&#! vacation over the weekend and be unavailable. I hate him. I have an apointment with him on Tuesday and don't want to go. I just want to live life and not be caught up in all of this stuff. Thanks for the hugs and well wishes, I need those now more than you'll ever know.

[Kiya]

=( i'm so sorry

(((((((( soliaree ))))))))))

[MissCharlotte]

Soliaree,

I don't think it's stupid to want to be loved. In fact, I think you are very brave.

(((((((((safe hugs))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry hon! (((((((((((( Soliaree )))))))))))))

I'm so sorry!!

(((((Soliaree))))))

[OliviaC]

[jbug]

I hope these signs of love sent your way help. I'm sorry you are feeling down. I can't say I know how you feel but I've been in the I want to cut I want to take pills mindset but I am thinking about you and sending good vibes your way.

Jbug

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((Soliaree)))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

Oh, Soli I am so sorry. Did he give any explanation? Did he tell you at all how he feels about you? Like Miss Charlotte said, there is nothing stupid about this. You are brave as hell for taking the risk to ask him about his feelings. I know it feels horrible right now so it really doesn't matter is we all tell you that it's okay what you did-- it doesn't feel okay, and I know that. Please know that I am thinking of you and here if you need me.

[sunrise]

Soli

[tulips30]

This is going to sound strange.....But, I admire you!

I am so very sorry that your pain and the desperation to relieve it, forced you to do so in the only way that you could at the time. I honestly do understand the way you can sometimes feel that the options are so few I am very grateful that you are physically ok.

I admire you because what you asked your t. is THE most difficult question to ask. Our vulnerability is put on the table and that is sooo hard and scary. The fact that you did that is so very meaningful. Speaking just for me, I haven't even come close.

I think your t. could have handled it more professionally, I'm sure he understood the risk you were taking. Perhaps he could have talked about your feeling or described how t's are able to care very much and yet must stay removed to be able to help you. Just saying "no" seems like a lazy, cop-out. to me. The word "love" conjures up so many different, powerful feelings in all of us.

Be strong and oh so gentle with yourself. We here DO love you. I promise.

tulips

[Perna]

Interesting discussion of love for one's therapist:

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/questions/q_resent.htm

[Kiya]

especially since t has told you such other good things before - really good things. i don't get how t could be so different???

I don't know, I don't have any answers. But, I wish I had been Bob from "What About Bob" and ruined his vacation

After I took too many pills, I didn't ruminate. I always ruminate, even when I sleep. I don't want to glamorize this, but I felt kind of free. I probably shouldn't have mentioned this. I'm just so sick of my brain being in control.

My wonderful (huh) husband went off for 3 days starting today for a conference. I asked him if he could cancel, and he said I'M GOING. I'm so overwhelmed right now. He goes to these conferences and only attends a few sessions. Most of the time he just goes around and does other things, like it's a vacation for him. This is fine, usually. But what @#$@#$@ timing. Thanks ALOT. He's probably looking at every *** that passes him. He's such an *** himself. Am I just being selfish here?