Sometimes I feel so self-centered not asking about T. But when I do, most of them either say something along the lines that it is private or that therapy is for me...

Anyone ever feel weird about it being so one-sided?

I do the dumbest thing. For example, if it has been a holiday or T was away or something I go like this: "Um, I really want to ask how it was, but I know you really aren't going to tell me, so just know that I care how it was and hope it was good." (Which is a total lie because I hate when he goes away and I can't really think about him having a great time with his family. And he knows it's a ******** lie, too, hahaha ). Then I feel better. LOL.

[sunrise]

My T self discloses so he will answer me if I ask. I like that. But often our sessions will include no mention of his personal life, either past or present. Sometimes I do feel a little self centered, but then I tell myself, heck, I am the client, so it's OK. But it is therapeutic for me when he shares. Usually I leave it up to him to start self disclosing, rather than asking him, but in the last few months I have felt more confident in our relationship and my ability to ask. I can initiate these interchanges. It's been a big step for me.

[MissCharlotte]

Sometimes I ask and sometimes I don't. If he's been away I ask how his trip was, just an exchange of pleasantries.

I don't feel bad about not asking because I have enough to feel bad about!!!!!

[ECHOES]

No I don't, not at all.

The only thing I've ever asked about was her illness when she went out for surgery and expected to be out for some time. It turned out she was not thank goodness. When I asked she gently said that she had made the decision to not share that at this time. That was okay with me; mostly I just wanted her to know I cared about her. That was the session she allowed me to hug her.

I don't want to know the details of her life. I know she is a candidate at a psychanalytic institute and that she has been a therapist for 20 years and she has a daughter. I don't want to know any more. I want her to kind of just exist in that room for me, for now at least. That's all I need to know

She knows I don't ask intentionally because I understand that disclosure is not something neither of us want.

[Kiya]

well, i can't help it - when they ask me "how are you", i always say "good (or ok or what ever), how are you?" most t's have answered something "surface" back before redirecting the conversation. however - my new t.... the first day i met her (ok maybe like second) she asked me how i am, and i said of course, good - how are you... she laughed! not loud , but like something between shock, a snort, and a snicker. I think she said "good-thank you for asking" but she's not asked me that again. lol
when she tries to let me start the session - same thing - i ask how she is... so she knows not to do that either. occasionally she'll disclose things if they relate.
Kiya

I ask questions when I am curious, and he usually answers. My T discloses more information than others it seems. He doesn't disclose too much, though.

[Mouse_]

Riptide, YES! I have often felt bad for taking and not gviing..but T says shes there to be used....I think the feeling of being bad for taking comes from childhood...the only way I find I can say something even close to "hi how are you" is to say now and again, "I Know your there, I see you" this way I feel I've let T know that I am so selfish that I dont see her as another person in the room...