Session

I'm just back from T. I'm not exuberant, I'm not depressed. I guess I'm neutral. I realized that I no longer idealize T whatsoever, which I know is good but ends the T high.

We talked about how I have difficulty taking another's anger. He told me that the session before he disclosed his anger, that I asked him specifically to tell him if he was angry or not. He said he chose to sidestep the answer at that time but carefully chose to disclose the information the next session. He went on to say that he felt it was good for me to practice and asked me when a better time would have been. I asked him if he felt better telling me about his anger and he said, "No, because I was no longer angry at that point."


I brought up the hippo, telling him that basically I wanted to talk about it but that I didn't want it back. He said that 1) it was a contract and that 2) he was trying to help me act in more of an adult way. He said that I was childish that day, but that we all are like that at some time. I've gotta say, this still bothers me. I told him in session that I was stuck on this. I said, maybe I'm just waiting for you to say what I want to hear. But now that I think of it, I feel kind of ashamed and embarassed, really. I'll talk with him about this on Thursday, but I don't really understand my feelings on this one much. I just know I'm unsettled.

I told him that I felt that he says general things like, "I say bone-headed things, or I don't always make perfect decisions," but that he never is specific about it. I told him that I wanted to hear something to the effect of that he wished he had waited until later to disclose his anger because it was poor timing. He said that he was sorry that his disclosure caused me so much pain. And, as far as the hippo goes, he said that he was sorry that he did not realize the significance of the hippo at the time I took it and hurt me.

I went to the desk to check out and I don't have appointments booked. I have to wait until Thursday to make them. I was a little bothered, but I'm not stressed at the moment. Where am I? Where did I go? Am I numb? Is this the new me?

He also said something that I want to remember to ask him on Thursday. He told me that he has to keep my information to himself but that I am free to disclose anything that went on in session. At the time, I thought it was just a statment. It might be, he likes the idea that I have a support group here. But I wonder if he is bothered by the fact that I post the information here. Another question for Thursday, I guess.

=( that's a lot of stuff for one day... leaves me speechless, too.
((((((( hugs )))))))) Kiya

Sounds like a busy session. Hope the appt on Thursday goes well. ((((((((((Soliaree))))))))))

Sounds like it's time to just rest. You talked about a lot today. I'm glad you got the chance to discuss the things that hurt you so much.

Get some sleep

tulips