My First Session, and Second Session Friday

I completely SPACED on telling you guys about my first session with the new Pdoc.

Well, I immediately felt a connection to her, because she presents as a little bit of a hippie, soft spoken, bookwork glasses.. all things I can relate to. We began talking about my history which I revealed some of to her.

I explained my symptoms, and then told her about MOST of my past diagnosis's. She had several things to say. I told her I had been diagnosed with PTSD, BPD, and Panic Disorder. The more I explained my BPD mood changes to her, she stated that it was even possible that I could be experiencing both BPD and something like Bipolar 2 at the same time. I imagine it will take some time to come to this conclusion.

She also said that sometimes BPD can be like a chronic form of PTSD! I have never heard it related to in this way.

I haven't told her about my diagnosis of DID. I haven't told her about my past drug and alchohol use. The reason for the first is a trust issue, and the reason for the second is I beileve it may taint her veiw of me, and what meds work best for me. Oddly, medication is the one thing I haven't abused in the past as I was too scared to screw it up and be left with no safety net. However, I have experienced doctors refusing me Clonazepam based on the fact that I had abused drugs and alchohol before, and this left me in quite a bad way and led to trips to the emergency room due to severe panic attacks with no recourse.

We decided that it would be best if i kept taking the effexor, start taking the Zyprexa again but at a reduced amount of 5 mg instead of ten, because I am nursing the baby..she said it isin't proven to have any negative effects for breastfeeding mothers or babies but it can make them a bit drowsy so hence the lowered amount. We decided to hold off on going back on the clonazepam until we see how the zyprexa does, and until nursing is well established and baby is a bit older because it will certainly slow him down if i take it. There are ways to get around this if need be but it would be difficult so trying to go without it if I can.

She reccomended the book " The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" which I have not picked up as of yet but I plan to.

And, then we wrapped things up.

I see her again on friday, and will be taking the new baby with me - I hope she doesn't mind, but I am breastfeeding almost every hour in the day, and when LO has to eat, he has to eat, and that comes first for me.

((( Rainbowzz ))) That is so exciting that you like your new pdoc from the start! She sounds like a very comfortable person herself and to be with.

I just really want to encourage you to tell her about your history of drug and alcohol use. (me too). It is your past and it's not an uncommon symptom of Borderlines. (me too). I do understand your worry that someone might use that to decide you can't be trusted with some meds but be sure to stress that this was in your past and give examples of meds you've taken without abusing since you don't do that anymore. I was lucky my doc trusted me with Xanax. He prescribed it "as needed" and the 3 month supply lasted me 6 months so he knew it was okay to give me more.

Rainbowzz it won't taint her view of you but rather it will paint her a clearer picture. I understand your concern. Is she providing therapy too? I was just thinking that so much of therapy is speaking about the things that make us not 'look good' and yet how good it feels to get it out.

Aww, I think it will be fun taking the baby with you next time!