New T who I have only been seeing for 3 months is going on vacation for 2 weeks.

I hate T and now I hate T more. WTF?!

How can I be upset at this when I can't stand T anyway?

I just said ok. Bye. (I was thinking bye *****...see you never)

Is this transferance? How can I care when I am not even attached?

Can you believe I pick a T who can only make it 3 months before needing a vacation from me.....

[Kiya]

woah - breathe. you know all that't not true. things happen in life. we are but one person in their lives. this has probably been planned a long time.

my new t's dad died the second week i was there, so she missed that week.

my new t (7 months) just had word about a grandbaby being born, so she's going there soon for a week.

I think anger and transference are separate. try to breathe through the anger and understand that there are larger forces at work.

adversarial attachment / transference. google should help...

maybe that is part of it. sometimes it can be about being all scary. hating them, being critical of them etc etc etc. seeing whether they will similarly hate and be critical of you or whether their positivity and care is strong enough to withstand all that are survive through. a kind of a test. to see whether they are worthy of the vulnerable and fragile and needy feelings...

I believe hate to be part of passion. Normally we react very strongly to those we "hate" because, in fact, we are caught up in those passionate feelings. Passion does not always have to equal love. Your very last sentence/question of your post really indicated some hurt and abandonment feelings-- I think you should really examine how much you "hate" this T and look and what other feelings could be there. T vacations suck. They are so hard. Keep posting, keep talking, we will help you through.

[Mouse_]

Its the fear of total annaliation of the self and ego that we fear when T goes away. The degree of anger toward what we think is responsible for our security is just how much we do fear this. Imagine if T's gave into our desire to be held 24/7??? we'd forever walk around thinking that we cannot do anything alone, thats not where living is. Yes its hard and I am into my 4yr of vacations and it is still difficult.

[embarassed]

She's human and needs a break just like everyone else. You occasionally need a vacation too, right?

[ECHOES]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Mouse said : Its the fear of total annaliation of the self and ego that we fear when T goes away. ....Yes its hard...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I do feel this way at this point, a year plus into therapy. Heck I feel this we between sessions sometimes. In session, I just love 'being' there, just being there feels so good.

..

.... and
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Imagine if T's gave into our desire to be held 24/7??? we'd forever walk around thinking that we cannot do anything alone, thats not where living is

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Well I'd be willing to try it a while anyway! lol

My T has only taken one vacation and that was at the Christmas holidays. She was gone nearly 2 weeks but the way it worked out I only missed one session. I dreaded it and felt really lost. The longer time went on, the further away from me it seemed like she was. Panic... worry...distress...

Then she reappeared and my heart filled up again.

That one hour a week is so precious to me.