[skeksi]

Hi, I'm pretty new, though I've been lurking here for a while.

I have a question in regards to coming to rely on my therapist. I have been in T for about a year and a half for depression and PTSD related to childhood physical/verbal abuse. We have worked a lot on me trusting him, managing my fears and startles, and believing that it happened. I'm still working on being angry about what happened and dealing with my shame (one of these days I'll be able to look at him!).

Anyway. I worry that I am becoming dependent. Thinking about what I need to discuss this week, I realize that I want to--need to--hear him reassure me that the abuse was not my fault, that there was nothing innate in me that caused it. I realize this is a good place for me to be heading, to stop blaming myself, but the fact that I seem to need to hear it from him to even begin to believe it--that concerns me.

Is this a natural part of the therapy process? Has anyone had similar experiences? I am generally quite stoic and independent to a fault (my lack of intimate relationships is an issue we've only scratched the surface of), so this is bizarre to me.

Welcome to PC Skeksi. I am new here to, only about a week.

I have these same concerns. I ended up switching T's because I got scared. I would appreciate comments relating to skeksi question also.

[Kiya]

there's a lot on this in the posts... i'm not great on it cuz i panic too, but it is normal and part of the trust. it is something to learn from, not run from. it is scary to trust and to want to rely on someone - but t is a safe place to practice such things. there's a lot on attachment in the posts - might dig out some older posts. =)

I found an article last night on dependence in therapy. I'll find it again (it is pretty long, but freely available):

http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/steele-2001.php

Don't worry too much about her talking about particular disorders / symptoms. Her take on dependence, independence, and interdependence is still interesting for its own sake.

The basic idea is that both independence and dependence aren't optimal... optimal is inter-dependence. but one coping strategy is to be independent... in which case a move towards dependence is progress, yeah. kinda necessary on the way to developing inter-dependence. alternatively another coping strategy is to be dependent... in which case a move towards independence is progress, yeah. i think that we vacillate around a lot... the idea is to be flexible... to enjoy moments of connection and dependence... to enjoy moments of solitude and independence...

it is a stage, yeah. this too shall pass...

[(JD)]

Of course you're becoming dependent upon the T! That's a good thing and quite normal imo. You go to an expert for expert help, and you depend upon him to help you, to guide you to where you need to go, and to keep you going till you get there. Don't fear it. Especially when dealing with PTSD, the trust issue is huge. Don't second guess your T's role in your healing now, as that might be a hidden way to sabotage progressing (and not covering things that you will eventually need to discuss at least.)

The T will model a good relationship for you. It's important especially if you have poor relationships in the past, such as being dependent upon a parent who then betrays your trust. The T will reestablish the dependent relationship, but show you that not everyone betrays the trust. It will help you survive IRL.

[skeksi]

Thank you all for giving me a lot to think about!

[Perna]

Hi, skeksi. I think it's very normal to use a therapist as another "point" in a triangle so you can get what is inside out, and look at and manipulate it to understand it. Your therapist is another person and his opinion is necessary to pull your own opinion out so you can turn around and apply it to yourself, believe yourself, like you want to.

Initially I don't think there is enough "room" inside our head and hearts to maneuver and "unpack" all the stuff we need to and then repack it better. That's how T's help us, they hold some of our stuff for us and comment on it while we're doing the work of unpacking and repacking; help us see what we can toss, what's valuable, what should be packed on top, close-at-hand, etc. :-)

[lauren_helene]

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alexandra_k said:
I found an article last night on dependence in therapy. I'll find it again (it is pretty long, but freely available):

http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/steele-2001.php

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Alex thank you so much for this article! You just helped me tremendously I have been looking for information like this.

[sunrise]

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skeksi said:
I am generally quite stoic and independent to a fault ... so this is bizarre to me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That's a description of me also, skeksi. Yet here I am in a relationship with my T in which I have learned to trust and depend on him. I had no idea this is what therapy was when I began with him. He said to me early on that only I knew what I needed to heal. For me, part of that is the unconscious need to depend on someone and trust someone, as I have never done that before successfully (and not had the trust betrayed). The relationship really is so healing. Welcome to it. It's OK. In fact, it's wonderful.

[skeksi]

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Perna said: That's how T's help us, they hold some of our stuff for us and comment on it while we're doing the work of unpacking and repacking; help us see what we can toss, what's valuable, what should be packed on top, close-at-hand, etc.

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Thanks for that, it's an analogy I can really make sense out of. Especially because my own head feels pretty cluttered with poison ideas planted by my family members! I have such a wonderful visual of this closet towering with bags, some of which are booby-trapped!

[chaotic13]

I have had some extreme fears about dependency in therapy. Since I have trouble talking during the session, I started writing my inner thoughts down and emailing or mailing them to my T between session. This communication really helped me unload a lot of what was going on in my head. My T was OK with my "writing crutch". Unfortunately, it intensified my feelings of becoming dependent and too needy in therapy. I've recently have stopped these writings and moved my sessions back to 1 every other week. I still have a lot clogging up my head, However, now I've relieved some of my stress about being overly dependent on therapy. My T just accepts what ever I choose to do.