I'm falling apart here. T called me earlier because he was concerned in regards to an email I sent him at 5 AM (couldn't sleep). I ended up crying and yelling at him. I told him, "I'M SORRY THAT I SO STAGNANT AND I JUST KEEP REGRESSING." He said, "I know if feels as though you cannot climb steadily--" and I interrupted him by saying, "No-- it doesn't feel that way, it is that way." He said, "Well, I'm not getting into a debate with you over the phone." (Meaning we would engage in the debate in person tomorrow). Then he continued to make a case for me going into the hospital and how he spoke to my pdoc and they would help me to make sure I got in wherever I need to. Then I started yelling at him again, telling him that it was too late and I can't just stop my %#@&#! life and run to the hospital when I'm going to be starting a new job on the 12th and need to meet with human resources on Monday. That's when T raised his voice a bit and said, "Yes, you can do that if you need to go."

Then Mr. WonderT of course told me that I could call him or email him anytime today, even though I'll be seeing him tomorrow. So I already did call him because I realized that I ran out of %#@&#! money, almost completely. I went on a spending spree on the day before I was supposed to go to the hospital just because I didn't care.

What a mess.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((pinksoil)))))))))))))))

I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now.

I just spoke to T on the phone again, only this time I hung up on him.

WTF is going on here?

Is it so unreasonable to ask your therapist to bring you to the hospital in a wheelbarrow?

[Gracey]

Pink. . .

What's happening is the downward cycle. You know this. You've had a major disappointment, there's no end in sight, and you're staring down the barrel of gearing up for more responsibilities without being helped.

CALL HIM. Tell him you need help NOW. Don't wait till tomorrow how. . .and don't hold it together and be all professional when you talk to these people. Tell them you're at the "jumping off the bridge" point if they don't help you.

The spending.. .the anger. . .all of that adds up to a manic episode.

Please sweetie. . .call him. Call me, and I"ll call him. Call me and yell at me. I don't really care, just get in touch with someone who can help you.

I'm worried about you hon. . .

I'M FINE. REALLY. JUST A LITTLE OVER-ENERGETIC. I'M GOING TO MY POETRY WORKSHOP TONIGHT. GRACEY, I AGREE WITH YOU, BUT I DON'T WANT THAT TYPE OF HELP ANYMORE.

[Gracey]

PINK

What can I do? How about a brief vacation? LOL A "real" one?

I wish you'd reconsider - talk to T tomorrow. Tell him he can borrow my supergirl cape it it'd help.

[Kiya]

and the wheelbarrow...

(((((((((((pink))))))))))))

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
Is it so unreasonable to ask your therapist to bring you to the hospital in a wheelbarrow?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Why a wheelbarrow? I'd prefer a limo?

[Doh2007]

Hang in there kid.

[Razzleberry]

I'm so sorry pink. Wish I could help somehow. This just stinks.

I'll be seeing T in 12 and a half hours. Should be an interesting session to say the least. I am exhausted. I just went through about 783 different mood cycles today.

[Razzleberry]

I just noticed that it's your BIRTHDAY pinksoil!! (according to PC)

Happy Birthday!!



Take a day for yourself. Just try to relax and get away from it all, if you can. I'm really sorry for all the struggles you have.

Thank you!

Hey, how do you know when you're really %#@&#! up?
When you spend part of your birthday with your therapist!!

[lauren_helene]

Aw Pink happy birthday! I am so mad the hospital turned you away. I really am sorry they are idiots.

[Soidhonia]

(((PINK)))> I am sorry that you are sufering to this degree. I hope something positive can come out of all of this tomorrow with your therapist. (((HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY))). Take care of yourself. Soidhonia