Another rupture--another repair--another day

Yesterday T and I had another huge rupture. I won't go into details because the details are not necessary.

The point of this thread is to share the incredible growth that has comes for me through the rupture and the incredible strength of the relationship that we can repair it.

Today I had an extra session because I asked for it. Last night during the rupture I was such a mess the next client had to wait about 15 miniutes while I pulled myself together enough to leave.

Today:

Me: Where do we go from here.

T: We talk about it and we try to understand it.

"Miss, I thought my daughter didn't like my wife but yesterday my wife and my daughter had a long conversation on the phone. There was no friction between them. They were talking about me. When they hung up, my wife told me that they were discussing my moodiness. I know I can be difficult at times to deal with. Last week when I returned from vacation, I saw way too many patients, about 10 more than I should have. I think you got caught in the crosshairs of my moodiness. That is not meant to dismiss it, but to begin to explain."

Me: T, thanks for saying that. I have not felt grief like I did yesterday since my father died. I believe that is the transfer. When you were dismissive you broke my heart. Last week when you returned the 7 year old child within me wanted to run in here and hug you. I know I can't have that. But my needs are my needs. I was talking to my sister and we laughed and cried about the choice between nothing (my mother) and an abusive, elusive father. I was attached to my father.

T: Then I guess I fit the bill.

We talked about the transference and counter transference that we fall into.

Through this rupture I am integrating the child part of myself that has been hiding for many years. I know now where the suicidal thoughts come from.

Peace to all

((((((((((((((miss!!!)))))))))))))))

Ok..and T has to manage both! (Transference and counter-transference.)

MissC, it is so helpful when our T's own up to their countertransference. Really can help move the therapy process along. Your T sounds really mature, and good at knowing what to present to his client in the name of being therapeutic. See how it helped? Great modeling for the client. Great stuff.

This is what I need to try to emulate outside of therapy. Of course, it wouldn't be called countertransference, but it would involve sharing with people my motivations and feelings in certain situations when they are driving my actions. It can help the other person "hear" you better if they know where you are coming from.

That was a really great exchange. Great how the self-disclosure helped you both grow & learn.

Like Sunny said, I probably need to try to emulate that outside of therapy too. One of the hard things is knowing when it is appropriate to share and when it is better to just move on/kept to the non-feeling type facts. I tend to kept everything inside, so I guess i'm overly sensative to sharing to much.

Sunny said:

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MissC, it is so helpful when our T's own up to their countertransference

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Yeah, in this case it was urgently required! The transference/counter transference is how we integrate experience through the feeling state in analytical psychotherapy. As Sky said, it is his responsibility to manage both of these. His sharing of his failure to manage the countertransference this time was pure and allowed me to see the humanity, the person behind this.

Of course, now I feel like I have been hit by a truck. Dammit this is hard.

I am going back today for the third day in a row. This is a record for me.

I'm now going to get tough like Soliaree and Pinksoil. No more Mrs. Nice Guy.

You know what I really want to say today, HEY BACK-OFF ****O!!!

((((((((((( Miss Charlotte ))))))))))))

Thanks for sharing that, Miss C. I've found that ruptures, as painful as they are, have been some of the biggest keys to my growth in therapy, and especially in the deepening of my relationship with T.

I'm glad you have such a good T who was able to be honest about what was going on.

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sunrise said:

This is what I need to try to emulate outside of therapy. Of course, it wouldn't be called countertransference, but it would involve sharing with people my motivations and feelings in certain situations when they are driving my actions. It can help the other person "hear" you better if they know where you are coming from.

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That's called good leadership, or servant leadership!