[Onion]

My ex-husband made one comment once upon a time that suggested he had an inappropriate feeling about one of our children. Our other child (teen) has symptoms (depression, SI, suicide attempt) that are sometimes suggestive of someone who has experienced abuse. I have no proof that my ex sexually abused our children, nor any clear worrisome episodes other than the one comment. My teen is pretty open with me and she says she doesn't remember any abuse.

I shared with my T that I worry something has happened to my child, but I don't have any evidence. I did share some episodes of physical neglect and abuse of an animal. T initially said it wasn't reportable. When I came to the next session, she had thought about it and thought she needed to just check with authorities whether what I had told her was reportable. I gave her more history during that session and she changed her mind again and felt it was not something she should call about.

Because I have a lot of guilt and pain over trying to figure out what I could have done or can do differently to help my teen with her pain, T has suggested my child join me for a couple of sessions.

I am terrified that she will bring something up that is in a grey area or reportable. My ex is raising other children and if the authorities were contacted about his past behavior and this got back to him, I am afraid of how angry he would be. Sometimes I feel that my T is being more cautious about covering her professional *** than thinking about what would truly be in the best interest of my kids and his newer kids.

Intellectually I know that I should be willing to endure his anger and fear of violence if it means it could possibly protect the children he is surrounded by now, and bring some healing to our child, if he indeed does have a problem. I also know that child protective service agencies fail kids all the time. I'm worried that if something comes up that is reportable, only my kids and I will be damaged by it and no one will be helped.

I have to admit that I'm really regretting bringing this up with my T and I don't want to go to the family sessions.

[(JD)]

Why not find a child psychologist, and take the child there. Obviously they are having difficulty with life in general, thus the suicidal tendencies, and that could be reason enough to take him/her. It doesn't have to go into the system at this time, which would probably disrupt all of your lives (and possibly without cause?) But it will give you some relief, and it will help the child also! I think it would be a good thing for you as a mom to do.

[sunrise]

I agree with Sky, encourage your teen to go see a therapist of her own. She will be more likely to confide when you are not present, anyway. If her therapist discovers anything "reportable", she can take action, plus your daughter can get some therapy, which it sounds like she would benefit from.

Is there any way you can take your ex-husband to therapy with you and get some of this out on the table? Maybe in the safe environment of the therapy office, you could share your worries and fears. And maybe get some reassurance? Or maybe get more info that would confirm your fears? I don't know your situation well enough to know if that's at all realistic for you.

Take care.

[Onion]

I guess I should have mentioned that she has been seeing a child psychiatrist for quite a while (who does some therapy) and was also in therapy for a long time until she decided she no longer felt it helpful. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

[Kiya]

((((onion)))))
what am i trying to say..... it is poss... my mom told me my dad made a comment like that about me as well. i was also suicidal, depressed and stuff. mom's asked me all my life if someone had touched me wrong. i always told her no. i didn't have words to tell her what my dad had done to me i didn't even begin to understand until my 20's. i'm not saying that that happened to your child - only that it is possible. Now days mom blames me for it because i always told her no one hurt me. but i didn't have words.
it's such a sticky issue - not wanting to lead kids to think those things, but reaching them to find out what happened. maybe only time will tell. but that doesn't help with the kids your ex is near now.
i totally understand the fear of reporting, incurring the wrath, and fear of the system taking the kids - i went through the same thing when i reported on some kids who had been hit with a belt. i'll never know what happened or if they are ok.
best to you with everything. kiya