How to open up to therapist. do you talk about one specific topic? I'm lost.

I've been advised by my psychiatrist to talk to a therapist which I am. Before that though, I originally was sent to a psychiatrist for anxiety and they then told me I showed signs of major depression. I'm at a loss as to how to talk to the therapist. I think she's easy to talk to but I just can't open up, and that is one of my problems. she has asked what I want to talk about that day, and I say "I don't know". Am I supposed to talk about one specific problem or just generalized talking? I do have a few problems that I've held grudges against my father for ignoring me when I had an accident and how he treated my mother with her illness, but those were many many years ago, could they actually be causing me a problem now. I feel kinda foolish bringing them up as I feel that's long in my past. I'm just truly at a loss with how to talk to my therapist. Any help?

I think different therapists have different ideas of what therapy is 'supposed' to be about. I also think that the majority of therapists will say there is no 'supposed to' about it, and that different clients are different in how they make use of the time.

If someone asks me 'how are you' I have a reflexive response 'fine'. That is the best I can do. If someone asks me 'what do you want to talk about' I have another reflexive response 'I don't know'. So if that is all the therapist says... That is all they will get in response. Then I'll sit there staring at my hands feeling anxious and inadequate but not really having an idea of where to from there.

So... I personally need the therapist to be kind of directive. To keep on asking questions. To maybe have a little speel about something or other. Eventually... I find myself talking. And once I'm away, then things tick along fairly smoothly, I think.

Could you mention to your therapist that you are having trouble getting started? Different therapists are more or less willing to be directive and / or to take charge of the subject matter of the sessions. But I really do think that most will be able to try and assist you getting talking.

You could also (perhaps)? say that you have been thinking hard about what it might be profitable to talk about, but that you aren't sure about some of it because it seems to be so long ago - even though you suspect it is having an impact now. Maybe say that much and see what your therapist says?

It IS hard. Kudos for hanging in there and thinking about it so hard :-)

yeah... i would start by asking the T for some general lay of the land. How does she normally work? WHat type of therapy does she do? Is she wanting to focus on just the day to day strategies, or is she ok with doing more past sort of work? Many many people go into therapy with just a vague idea that they need to change something. Don't push yourself to jump right into big big topics, warm up to them.

Just talk. That simple. About anything that's on your mind; old stuff, new stuff, having difficulty thiniking of what to say, anything.

Here's a site that might help too.

guide to psychology site

It sounds like it might be a bit hard for you because you’re doing it at the suggestion of someone else, more like a "prescription" coming from a p-doc, rather than having your own agenda in mind that you want to address.

I’ve had 17 years of individual therapy over the years. I was 20 when I started and was very much not formed as an individual yet. I went to therapy of my own initiative based on feeling that my life wasn’t going well at all, and that I felt utterly confused and miserable. That I needed help in some way, but I had no way to express what I thought the problem was, or what needed to be done in therapy. I had to find myself so to speak, so I know somewhat what you’re talking about.

It's hard to ask for help about something when you're not sure what that "thing" is, but you'll experience that over and over in therapy.

There's no right or wrong, and there are 2 dynamics that I've found in my therapy.

Whatever I start talking about, it sometimes doesn't directly get at an issue of importance, but in the interactive dialogue with the therapist s/he can steer things a bit with what they say based on the vibe they get, so that you can end up being led to something important that's on your mind. Having a generalized feeling of anxiety without knowing what it's about has been the kind of thing that has been "gotten at" that way.

The other thing, and I guess I'm talking beyond just personal experience, is the psychoanalytic idea that whatever it is comes to mind that you bring up is important. That if you don't consciously choose the issue, the issue chooses itself, so to speak, from the subconscious.

I went to about 5 sessions last winter with a psychologist--PhD--who was a psychoanalyst and that was how it went with her. She'd sit, saying nothing until I spoke, and not guide things much at all. That's not what I need right now, so I stopped, but the concept is, I'm sure, familiar to you.

About the thing with your dad: I'm sure everyone will tell you that things that happened long ago can be extremely relevant, and if it comes to mind, it must have some importance for you.

Good luck.