Sometimes the feelings I'm left with after therapy are TOO MUCH. I've had an eating disorder for something like 20 years and I just gave it up 25 days ago. At first, it was okay - I felt really vulnerable, without that to fall back on, but was hanging in there.

We talked about the eating d/o in therapy today, and how I feel now, and I don't know, we really got down to the deep self-loathing that I have. When T came and held my hand at the end of session (how we always end) I felt guilty that he had to touch stupid, ugly me.

I feel like the cat's out of the bag - now T really sees what a big stupid ugly loser I am. I feel like I said "I'm a big stupid ugly loser" and T probably thought "hey - I never noticed before, but you're RIGHT"

I don't know what to do with myself. I want to binge and purge, or drink (quit that 3 years ago)....or do something much worse and more harmful. I can't live with myself feeling like this. I hate this.

[MissCharlotte]

((earthmama))

Take special care of yourself today.

Peace

[pegasus]

Gentle hugs (((((((((((((( earthmama )))))))))))))))))

No! T wouldn't be thinking that. You are dealing with stuff in therapy that is really difficult and T will know how hard it was for you to talk about it.

You can get through this.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((( earthmama ))))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are feeling this way.

(((((((((((((( Miss C )))))))))))))
((((((((((( pegasus )))))))))))
(((((((((((( gimmieice )))))))))))

Thanks for the hugs.

[emilyjeanne]

I totally understand how you are feeling.

[Christina86]

(((((((((((earthmama))))))))))))))

May I congratulate you on 25 days without b/p and no drinking for 3 years (wow)!

I'm sorry that the feelings get so bad after a session is done, but I totally know how it feels like. It sucks.

[pachyderm]

(((((earthmama)))))