therapy today

Went on public transport with son (bless him).

managed that ok .... anxious but didn't show it i dont think.....

t knew i wasn't 'right' when i walked in. She thinks i'm overwhelmed again for goodness sake i havent even really touched on anything deep so far .... but she says things are happening in my brain and i am becoming more 'self aware' and that is brilliant.

My daughter is living with Tonys mum and dad right now, she has a job down there for the summer (south of UK)They are not letting her do anything ....ie go out, she has to be back by 11pm (she is 19). Now every year when we've been on holiday Tonys sister has NEVER offered to put us up, we've always stayed with Tonys parents. My daughter is at Tonys parent, therefore, this year more than ever before, i obviously want to stay with them to be near DANI .....Somewhere in my head i am thinking Tonys mum has done this on purpose. So i'm going on holiday and we will be separate from our kids ..... Why cant Tonys parents stay with his sister for a week amd let us have the other place as our holiday home for the week? It is only down the road, but i am so angry that i have been told what i'm doing ... not asked ..... i love Tonys sister, she is lovely and there is a new baby too ..... but i want to be with MY family on our one main holiday ...... am i being selfish? My T says it's because i never had any control when i was growing up, no say in anything and even now my feelings are being pushed aside and not validated .....

apart form wanting to see Dani i really dont want to go on this holiday ...... i feel they are undermining my parenting skills by not giving Dani some freedom, WE TRUST HER .... she is a sensible girl .......

Also my t thinks i am going through the anger stage of grief at cutting mum out of my life ..... Tony says they (my parents) are both (wordsi cant say) and i should just forget them ..... is it me or is it a bit harder than that ..... how can i just forget that my mother never loved or proteccted me and my dad just doesn't give a toss??????

So, I'm home and safe and still feel no better after seeing t and i have a bloody holiday coming up ALL WITH TONYS FAMILY and i have to smile sweetly and pretend i'm enjoying myself ......

oh the Joys ......

yes i know i should be grateful that i am having a holiday

i appreciate Tonys sister inviting us

but i would have liked to have discussed it first ......

jX

I don't know about your other problems but I was so glad to hear you managed to take the bus to therapy! Well done you!