Therapy... does it matter???

today.. I was told.. to "forgive my pedophile".. and forget and move on.. by a minister.... that dwelling.. on.. the past... wasn't.. productive..

like.. what is done in therapy...

opinions?????????????

[MissCharlotte]

((freewill))

I don't agree with your minister.

I don't think you have to forgive anyone who hurt you so deeply and profoundly.

I think you can move forward without forgiving.

I know a lot of people disagree with my thinking but you know in your heart what is right for you and no-one can tell you otherwise!

Peace

[skeksi]

I think therapy matters. I also think figuring out how you feel about your abuser matters, but not necessarily that you need to forgive him--just that you need to be at peace with how you do feel.

Your emotions are yours, and no one else can tell you how to feel. I have no doubt that the minister probably had good intentions, but he is not a counseling professional and he may not be the best person to advise you in this situation.

How do you feel--does therapy matter to you?

yeah lets all just forgive and forget and move on .... wouldn't it be easy to forget all that pain and suffering that we've lived with for 40 odd years .... he should get a medal for his good advice ...... wonder what he's do if his own daughter was abused hmmm? Would he be so forgiving then?????

TOSSER

If he had a broken leg or arm would he appreciate you saying .... oh just drop that stick and walk without it ..... if he was blind would he be able to find his way without help?????

gEEEZ THESE GUYS MAKE ME SICK ........

(((((((((((((((((( freewill ))))))))))))))))))))))

That is that minister's opinion. Your opinion may be different. I KNOW my opinion is different.

My T has never once mentioned "forgiving" my abusers. It's not on my radar. I think, like Miss C said, there is a certain peace I need to come to, but I don't believe it must - or will - include "forgiveness".

I'm hoping therapy will bring me to that place of peace. So yes, for me, therapy DOES matter.

[emilyjeanne]

Therapy does matter and it is a personal journey.

Is the minister your T? I think that trauma work is best done by professionals who are specially trained. You may consider finding someone in your area.

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((freewill))))))))))))))))

You can "forgive" at your own pace. Your minister may be doing the "religious" thing and instructing you that you're obligated to forgive... but it's up to you, on your own time. Nobody should tell you what to do.

I also disagree, that dwelling on the past can be useful sometimes - we learn from it, heal from it and then hopefully move on. Being stuck in the past isn't good, but staying there for a while isn't a bad thing.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
freewill said:
today.. I was told.. to "forgive my pedophile".. and forget and move on.. by a minister.... that dwelling.. on.. the past... wasn't.. productive..

like.. what is done in therapy...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I don't think anyone should be "telling" you what to do. People can offer opinions and advice, but shouldn't tell you what to do, especially those without professional training in mental health. I don't feel that therapy is "dwelling on the past." Among other avenues I take in therapy, I seek to understand how past events have affected my current behavioral patterns and mental state so that I can change them for the better and heal. To me, this is very "now" related and not dwelling in the past.

[pachyderm]

Sounds to me as though the minister may be frightened of something -- maybe in his own life -- that he does not want to explore?

[ErinBear]

Hi Freewill,

I think forgiving is an option, but it's not for everyone. Each person needs to figure out if it is what they wish to do. There is some sense in it, even when it comes to very difficult situations like this - I was abused by multiple perpetrators, and have worked on forgiveness in my healing process. It was healing for me, and helped me resolve some issues I was having. But again, this isn't for everyone. However, "forgive and forget" isn't a reality. I think we still remember things which occured. And yes, I believe therapy is important, and I think most clergy do as well. As we process things, the events of the past become less intrusive in our daily lives, and less charged with emotion....less of a stumbling block. But we still remember them. A former therapist told me that as we work on these things, instead of the memories being traumatic, vivid and in color, it's more like they fade to black and white and are less troubling. I think that's true, and for some folks, forgiveness is part of that healing process. Other folks resolve things in other ways of their own choosing.

I also agree with the others, that if you're not seeing a counselor - it's a good idea to do so, unless your clergy person is a trained pastoral counselor.

Take care,
ErinBear