I had a crappy, misattuned session with T on Tuesday. Of course he brought up a lot of interesting points, but I still felt the need to end the session by telling him, "screw you." He asked me to write him an email, indicating what I would have wanted him to say in session.

So that's what i did. I wrote him the most honest, open emaiil ever. You would not believe the stuff I admitted to him in that email.

Next day he leaves me a phone message to tell me that he responded to the email and to give him a call to let him know when a good time to call me back was. I check my email a few times at work-- no response. Finally, I speak with him after work-- we have no clue what happened to the email because he did sent it. Shitface said that he has no copy of it, so he'll try to paraphrase (he doesn't have a 'sent' mail folder?)

T's main thing about the erotic transference is wanting me to think about why the validation of my feelings and the conntected feelings are so dependent on what he thinks. He said it all goes back to Winnicott's idea of the comfort of being alone with oneself. One again, I was filled with self-doubt because in the past I was all about other peoples' emotions and reactions dictating how I felt-- and I noticed that I have been working really hard on this and have suceeded in validating my own feelings, regardless of what the other person thinks/feels. However, T is right (I hate saying that)-- I am way too focused on how he thinks/feels about me.

He said that this opens the door for a lot of great work to be done-- including figured out where the origin of the erotic transference is coming from. T said I use my anger as a defense so that I don't have to figure it out-- again, he is right (%#@&#! him). Anger is the emotion that I am most comfortable connecting with. When I get anger I can just tell him "%#@&#! you," and then put the wall up so I don't have to explore what is going on for me.

T mentioned that he doesn't feel that it therapeutically beneficial for any therapist to disclose his erotic fantasies or feelings towards a patient, should they exist. He went on to remind me of the many cases in the past in which male T/female patient relationships turned abusive. This leaves me a bit confused because I sitll have no idea what the %#@&#! he was talking about in the original session that kicked all of this off. This entire thing has confused the hell out of me.

I am totally going to therapy on Saturday wearing one of these two disguises so that he won't recognize me:

[Perna]

Or, you could go as yourself and just not recognize him as that would certainly show you didn't need him to validate you anymore?

[SeptemberMorn]

OUCH!!! My eyes, Pink!

Do you honestly think he'll see you dressed like that? He'd sooner call the men in the white coats, Hon!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Pink}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[pegasus]

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He said that this opens the door for a lot of great work to be done-- including figured out where the origin of the erotic transference is coming from.

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Yep.

(((((((((((((( pinksoil ))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

(((((((((((pink)))))))))))))

I think a large dog would be humourous. Or perhaps an elephant... large and pink. (Darn, I so wish I could go dressed up to a session)

If it's any consolation, I get rather POed when people point out something that's true about myself or my behaviour. I'm only beginning to express "anger" though. Not a fun emotion to deal with for me.

Is your T technologically ... inept? Perhaps next time he should email you, and print a copy so you can review it next session. (Actually no, BAD idea. I've done that, not fun).

Uhhh... hope your next appt goes well? I think swearing at him, or looking through him to the wall behind his head might get the point across that you're not happy with him. It could be deemed "therapeutic" too.

Hope all goes well.

[Simcha]

I'd go as the Tucan personally...

Seems like he's only saying he doesn' think it ethical if a therapist discloses erotic/sexual/attraction feelings toward a patient.
Did it make you upset that he didn't reciprocate or?

I agree with the therapist, and you said he was right, didn't you?
Maybe I'm lost again.

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Simcha said:

Did it make you upset that he didn't reciprocate or?


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Of course it did-- that's the whole rejection factor. Cognitively, I know what is ethical, beneficial, appropriate, etc.. But feelings and cognitions rarely match and that's why a lot of us are in therapy-- and that is why T wants me to think about why the validation of my own feelings are so dependent upon his disclosures.

[Simcha]

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pinksoil said:
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Simcha said:

Did it make you upset that he didn't reciprocate or?


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Of course it did-- that's the whole rejection factor. Cognitively, I know what is ethical, beneficial, appropriate, etc.. But feelings and cognitions rarely match and that's why a lot of us are in therapy-- and that is why T wants me to think about why the validation of my own feelings are so dependent upon his disclosures.

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I've never had erotic transference, and I really don't understand it, so maybe I'm completely off. Is it possible that you don't feel worthy or good about yourself unless he reciprocates the erotic transference?
But... cognitively you know he can't reciprocate, so maybe you were trying to subconsciously sabotage the relationship with deeply held negative reinforcement of ideas of love and trust? I also notice a lot of people with erotic transference issues that have spoken about it openly here on PC (brave people), also seem to have stopped focusing on the problems that brought them to therapy, and instead focus on the relationship with the therapist. I wonder why this happens?

My T isn't a psychoanalyst though, and works from a more "modern" (if that's what we want to call it) perspective (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Rogerian CBT, Interpersonal CBT etc.) I don't know, but maybe it's because I have ADHD, and therapy for people with other disorders seems to be very different. My mind doesn't work like non-affected people, and I don't process data the same way. Traditional non-CBT style psychotherapies don't really work with ADHD people that well.

To me, this is an interesting phenomena. What are your thoughts? Am I just abnormal (well, I know that )

[emilyjeanne]

I think erotic transference can be viewed two ways.
1) The transference is a projection onto the Therapist from past relationships and
2) Disclosing an erotic transference is a test for your T. If he handles the disclosure professionally he/she reinforces that they are ethical. Or if he allows himself to disclose his feelings for the client it is a reinforcement that he is not trust worthy.

That is how I see it.

[Angel_of_the_Past]

Oh my, I love your sense of humor. Which is more beneficial: sessions with your T or venting on PC???