[winterbaby]

I know t's do this, reflect back to us what we have said in a different sort of way, or more obviously. Mine seems to do it a lot, almost the whole time. I don't really like it as it seems so fake. I want him to put some of himself into the session. Does this happen a lot in your experience? The reflecting I mean? What should I say to him ? I did bring it up once and he said he does it to try to make sure he is understanding me. It just bothers me to always have that going on in the session.

[AllyH88]

The Ts I've seen usually paraphrase what I've said. I guess it's to make sure they follow us exactly and not assume what we meant. Perhaps it's even reassurance to themselves. I don't mind.

Sometimes, they're even better than I am at putting my thoughts into words!

One thing that really irritated me, was a T who repeated back what I said verbatim. For example, if I said: "I'm not interested in medication." He would say: "You're not interested in medication." Or, "I would like an appointment early in the afternoon." He said:"So you want an appointment early in the afternoon." I always wanted to say "Yeah, I just said that." but he was cute, so I kept it to myself!

[missboots]

My T doesn't do this so much. I love her for that!

It's so important, though... there have been times when I have said to a client, "So if I'm understanding you correctly, it sounds like..." And then they are like, "Not exactly... it's more like..."

T's cannot assume-- the reflection is so that they know, and you know, that they are getting what you are saying-- that you are on the same page.

I'm wondering how long you have been with your T? Usually the feelings part comes a bit later in the relationship. It also depends what you are talking about. Are you emotional in session? Do you stick to storytelling?

[kessa19]

I like it when my T reflects back to me. At least I know she's not sleeping or preparing her grocery list in her head.

[Mouse_]

T doesn't do that much...I remember once when she did I pulled her up on it and told her felt so, well so fake and she sort of laughed and said she thought so also and thats why she doesn't do it much....

[winterbaby]

thanks everyone for the response. Well I have not gone into any depth with my t, he is cbt and we don't really talk about feelings much although when I have done that he's done the reflecting back as well. I've been seeing him for about 3 months. Guess I do a lot of storytelling and then he reflects back to me in a summary what I had just said. Guess it makes me feel sort of like, 'get on with it already, I already covered that so put your own insight into it'. Like I just spent all this time talking about something and now he is repeating it (OK for his understanding maybe, but does he have to do it with everything? Everything I say?) It gets so frustrating.

[Angel_of_the_Past]

My T only does it when she is not sure the message I sent was the one she received. For clarity.

[winterbaby]

That's what I would expect too. I wonder, am I that unclear? I don't think so. I think I'm pretty articulate.

[Angel_of_the_Past]

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winterbaby said:
That's what I would expect too. I wonder, am I that unclear? I don't think so. I think I'm pretty articulate.

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If I were you, I would tell my T how this makes me feel-ask T why they do it.

Good luck,
Angel

[Rapunzel]

Reflecting is one of the very first things they teach us and drill into us. Too much of it can be too much though. Yeah, if it's bothering you, talk to your T about it. Maybe another method would work better for you.

[winterbaby]

What type of method can they use to clarify understanding rather than the reflecting.? I'd like oto bring it up, it is too much. I have mentioned it but he said it's just so he can see if he is understanding. Ok I get that, but he doesn't understand anything? And has to reflect it back?

I thought about this thread while I was in therapy today.

T sometimes reflects what I say so I can hear it from someone else's mouth. I guess it does put a different spin on some things when HE says them.

And he does it sometimes and when I hear him do it, it helps me clarify my thoughts. So, I'll say something, he'll sort of repeat it and expand on it, and then when I hear him say it, I can say "no, that's not quite it, it's more like....". I find it really helpful in that way.

He definitely doesn't overdo it though, thankfully. It would drive me crazy if I thought he was just parroting everything back to me instead of actually listening to me.

[(JD)]

A T that you have developed a good relationship with and who has helped you over the long haul won't always have to repeat back what you say. However, it is a good tool in therapy, especially with new patients. Many, many people, just as post here at PC, just really need to know someone is hearing what they are saying.
Good therapy allows the T to guide the patient to figure things out for herself, and thus be able to learn how to do that for life. I enjoy my pain T to scrunch up his face from time to time and repeat back what he thinks I mean, just so he's sure... and if I didn't make myself clear, I know it immediately and can correct it.

Now, with that said, during my initial evaluations after my injury, you know, going to the insurance paid psychiatrists etc..there was one that was most annoying. (I firmly believe he did this to irritate patients that he wanted to discount for the insurance company.) Anyway, he taped recorded HIS repeat backs. For example he'd ask me where the pain was, and AS I began telling him, "I hurt.." he'd begin speaking into his tape recorder "Patient says she hurts..." That's NOT therapy!

Yeah, parroting is not therapy.

[chaotic13]

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AS I began telling him, "I hurt.." he'd begin speaking into his tape recorder "Patient says she hurts...

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Sounds like he had a short term memory problem and couldn't wait until he left the room to do his dictations. That behavior would really %#@&#! me off too.

My T frequently reflects back what I say however she does it using her own words so I don't feel it is a clinical technique. She also may not do it immediately following what I said. She often comes back a few minutes later and says something... "Before when you mentioned you felt..." One thing that does tend to bother me is when she repeats things that were very difficult for me to say. Or I will say something using a more general term, and she will reflect it back very specifically. I know this is also suppose to be therapeutic and is her way of indicating that she is comfortable talking about certain things and using certain words, but... I'M NOT and it bothers me. If I ever go back, I'll have to tell her this.

[Rapunzel]

The idea is for it to be a natural part of the conversation, but basic counseling is really just refined conversation and communication skills. Paraphrasizing and summarizing are skills too. When I first started learning about counseling I would be concentrating in my therapy on trying to identify the skills. But that's not really helpful for therapeutic purposes. I do better in therapy if I save that stuff for the classroom. Sometimes I'll recognize a technique that T is using, but I have to remind myself that I'm there for another reason.

An alternative to reflecting might be to ask you questions, and that has its place too, but it is generally less preferred. And there are other options like giving advice, interpreting, using nonverbal responses like eye contact and body language, and occasional self-disclosure. All of these can be good techniques, but generally they are used less than reflecting (with the exception of the nonverbals).

[Simcha]

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winterbaby said:
I know t's do this, reflect back to us what we have said in a different sort of way, or more obviously. Mine seems to do it a lot, almost the whole time. I don't really like it as it seems so fake. I want him to put some of himself into the session. Does this happen a lot in your experience? The reflecting I mean? What should I say to him ? I did bring it up once and he said he does it to try to make sure he is understanding me. It just bothers me to always have that going on in the session.

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Interesting. I never knew the name of that "technique" before.

My T only does it when he really does need me to clarify something. I can talk really fast sometimes lol.
If he did it all the time, I'd be super annoyed and think he was super fake.