Understanding trauma vs positive support

I have studied that traumatic things can be subued by the reactions of support people - for example, a kid can fall and break a leg, but it the parent/s or caregivers or hospital staff are there and deal with it right away then it isn't stored in the brain as trauma.
well, i have been having a health concern and my visit with md (who is much more like a t to me than my t) ended with me going to the hospital yesterday. Before seeing me, my md talked a long time with me in a non-exam room, to help ease my fears. Then moved me over and did as lil as poss because she knows how much i panic. So with sending me to the hospital, she already called them to tell them i was coming and what she wanted, then talked with me again for a while, asking if i had any questions, if any one could go with me....
And then i went - alone - to the ER. Of course that takes forever and I was there from 12:30pm -6pm! and had every test known to man done. I tried to call in to md at 4:45 but the office had closed at 3 so i left what felt like a futile message. then tried to reach the oncall staff to determine if she was still in the office - they were not helpful. I asked the hospital if she called in to check on me (she had told me she'd call to check on me)... but there was nothing. and i cried, feeling totally abandoned - still stuck in the hospital, the weekend upon us, no way of contacting her, alone....
When i finally got released, there was a message from md =) =) saying how she'd been thinking about me all day, how she wanted me to call, gave me her cell number, even if she was out to leave a message because she wanted to talk with me! SO i called right then and she told me she pounced on the phone thinking it was me, and that she wanted to hear every detail. She said she'd been sending me good thoughts all afternoon and that had she not had a full schedule of patients she would have come with me!
I write all this because it had a profound effect on me and how it changed the situation in my mind. Things were fine after that, i had a lot of energy (despite the pain) and was chipper and .... a totally different person than the one who had assumed she'd been abandoned. It was not traumatic after that. She showed me she cared and was concerned and with me all the steps of the way mentally if not in person. She said "Oh good! I've been so worried!" when i told her the outcome. Even tho there is more to come next week, (at this point) I am not as fearful about it because of the support I got. And also having her cell number since in the year i've known her there's never been an on-call number. Even t didn't call me back last night after i called in. I mean I called to tell her i was going in and she wanted me to call back with the results, but then i've not heard from her since and we never had the check in she said we'd have (since she's out of town)..... but having MD there stepping in and filling both roles helped sooooooooo much. Perhaps, too, because she knows t is out of town.

Anyway - a long ramble - but thought i'd share. kiya

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( kiya )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

First of all, I'm sorry you're having scary health problems.....I hope everything turns out okay.

As for the trauma/support - what you are saying makes SO MUCH sense. In fact, I had a really similar situation recently when I had to go to the doctor for something I was so scared of, and T left me a message on my cell phone to listen to on the way to the doctor and asked me to call when I was done with the appointment so he could talk to me and see how it went. And all of that care and support made the scary situation so much less scary.

I've had that experience with T as well when I've been in crisis. Even in my most recent appointment with him, when I was so dissociated and panicked....the care and support and connection with him turned the situation into something positive, and I felt loved - rather than just getting lost in the panic and stuck in the trauma.

I guess this is another way that T (and for you, MD) helps us heal. I hadn't really thought about it until you put it into words for me.

Please take good care of yourself, Kiya!!!!!! I hope everything turns out fine with all of your tests. I'm so glad you have such a great team on your side - whenever I read about your T or MD, it makes me smile. They are awesome!

it's true kiya... caring support allows us to learn to roll with things, endure negative experiences as just negative experiences and not as trauma.. to learn we can conquer them and not the other way around. We learn to grow and be strong. Without it though.. well, we know the result, we shrink back and become fearful and in pain inside.

much of the trauma brought onto children could be turned into negative, albeit terrible, experiences. But reality is that the adults bungle it more than not, if they aren't the purpetrators themselves i mean. Teachers, parents, counselors, etc... many hands through which sand runs. In the end the larger message becomes reinforcing of the trauma and not the love for the child. That voice of caring tells us we matter.

i am so happy for you Kiya, what a positive learning experience for you!

So glad your doctor was there for you when your T couldn't be. It's nice to have so much support. I remember when I was in the hospital for a week and mostly just saving it up inside to tell my T when I got out and saw her again. There was a nurse though that helped me through a really hard part and that was a revelation and important learning situation for me too. It's nice to have good support memories as it helps us the next time.

Oh good - i am glad that all came across and made sense. I do remember your posting about that experience when t left you the message and all. Yay for good t's and medical personnel!!

it was helpful, too, because i had been feeling like md and i had had a "rupture" which is odd to say in this relationship... but that was totally gone this past week with her caring and concern. Even through all my panic she didn't change or get irritated with me. and the extra time she took to make sure i would be ok... before and after seeing her and after the ER. i may have to re-read this thread next week when scary stuff starts happening again.

Candkia, yeah i am amazed.... i totally didn't expect to be this "mentally functional" today (or for the rest of the week). So it is a huge marker for me how far i have come working with this clinic and my 3 dr's. and also the level of stability that my md's caring has provided.

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Perna said:
So glad your doctor was there for you when your T couldn't be. It's nice to have so much support. I remember when I was in the hospital for a week and mostly just saving it up inside to tell my T when I got out and saw her again. There was a nurse though that helped me through a really hard part and that was a revelation and important learning situation for me too. It's nice to have good support memories as it helps us the next time.

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Truly. That is like PC also - i learn how to be a support person because I am getting good support. And also with the clinic, they are amazed at the good steps i am taking in the "life skills" dept - but it is because I am getting good support there that i can take these big steps now. They're like the training wheels on the bike.

((KIya))

I hope you are feeling better.

Yes, I have read some about how to handle potentially traumatic events and there are books out about it. Author (and trauma expert) Peter Levine wrote a book about trauma and children (with a co-author whose name eludes me) and in the book, they tell how to handle different scenarios (including medical) so that the child doesn't develop PTSD.

I am so glad your md was there for you. Her support allowed you to discharge the "freeze" response you were holding in your body, right?

Take care of yourself.

xoxo

Discharge the freeze response?? woah! that is way too technical for me. no idea. Heh. but it is something i can feel in my eyes... like how i envision the world.... and that was released - or untinged - from the fear of the day.

well yeah, when we experience trauma, we respond in one of three ways: fight, flight, or freeze!

So, you discharged the energy that was stuck inside you when you froze because you couldn't fight and you didn't run away!

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Kiya's MD said:
She said "Oh good! I've been so worried!"

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Here is another great comment to keep on the Evidence of Caring List for the days when you are down and feeling alone in the world. It would definitely be nice to here this a few more times.

Kiya, I hope you are doing well with your health issue. Keep this in mind while you are going through the other test this week.

Thank you - i did need that reminder. I am in quite a lot of pain.

Is it possible for you to do some of your yoga positions and breathing? This might be a way of reducing your pain level a little.

Sending you good vibes.

That is something I have been wondering too. I am not sure I am allowed too. I know that a lot of movement increases the bleeding and that I am supposed to be resting. But maybe i could do some simple things. I have done too much regular around the house moving.

Meanwhile, I have hoped (futilely) that T would call to check in... and in ther absense, I have been replaying MD's message over to keep that sense of connected support and trusting that, even while I am concerned, this is not an emergency, nor traumatic. I think that this falls under what she said of "If anything else happens, call me (before Wed)!!" So I think that I will call her tomorrow.

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Kiya said:
I think that this falls under what she said of "If anything else happens, call me (before Wed)!!" So I think that I will call her tomorrow.

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Good for you, Kiya!

i called.... left a message... dunno what will happen now. have already chewed off all my fingernails, the skin around the fingernails... i have nothing left to thwart the panic off with!!!
Carried my 20 cat up the stairs just now @_@ and am having more pain for it.... i forgot. t has been replaced by md.... t no longer exists.

((((((((Kiya)))))))))))),
T does exist and will be back I see mine tomorrow and will prove that they do come back (hopefully?), lol.

I'm sorry you are in so much pain, but this kind of pain will go away sooner or later!

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Soliaree said: T does exist and will be back I see mine tomorrow and will prove that they do come back

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=( hope so. I actually asked my case worker in an email today "Is T back yet? Has there been a T sighting? WHen she leaves she's not real to me any more." And I got an email back from her saying "She's real, she'll be back soon."
Glad you see T tomorrow - yes, do send word that Ts are real....