[sunrise]

18 days since my last session. It was so wonderful to be together again. He was late and I had to wait almost 15 minutes out in the hall. As we went into his office, he was very flustered and telling me all the things that had gone wrong that had made him late. We sat down. “Calm down,” I said, in a steady, soothing voice, “it’s OK.” He looked at me and said, “thank you,” and we both cracked up.

We launched immediately into everything; there was no shyness on my part this time. We had such a good talk. He followed up on something I had emailed him about—a homemade paper heart he had previously given to me. :Heart: He explained how he had cut out the heart while lying on his bed and had kept screwing up but had finally got it right. I loved the image of him lying on his bed cutting out hearts for me.

We also talked a lot about relationships, and I shared with him some heroic/desperate efforts of mine to “make right” a relationship that never seems to work. It really bothers me that it doesn’t. I have tried so hard. T loved some of my efforts. He said I have learned so much and am really becoming differentiated (one of his favorite words, lol). He also said that what he and I have together is very special and he wants me to have some of that with other people too. He says he has what we have with lots of people in his life, then corrected himself, to say “well, just a few” and how he needs that. I think I need it too. It certainly gives me joy and satisfaction to have this with T—it just makes me feel “right” inside that I can do this with someone. How to find this in the big "out there", I'm not sure. :Scratch-Head: That's a topic for another day.

He mentioned again (like at least the third time he has told me this), that he felt a turning point for my H in therapy was at such and such a session, and how he loved that moment--WOW! I said, that was not a good moment for me. At all. :icon_neutral: What? I’ve told you that before, I said. He had forgotten. I know it was a peak moment for him, but for me it was hurtful and frustrating. I explained again and we talked about that a while. I do know cognitively this occurrence was a good thing, but it still both hurts and makes me angry. All the logical thinking in the world cannnot make something hurt less. He said he can see I need some healing there, and he will bookmark it, and we’ll return to it later. I am thinking what a crazy job he has, to seek out where people need healing and then help them heal. He said this as matter of factly as if he were a hair stylist and was commenting that my hair needed a trim, let’s take care of that next time.

I scheduled to see him next week. I could not bear to take another 18 day break so soon. No way! [/shakes_head_vigorously]

It was really a great session. :Head-Spin:We high fived each other on the way out.

Later today he sent me an email to say what a great conversation that was today. And then he slipped in that he couldn’t make the session we had scheduled next week after all. Oh yeah, T, talk sweet, then drop the bomb. Hopefully we can reschedule for another time that day. I do not want to skip another week! [/shakes_head_vigorously_again]

[chaotic13]

Wow. you sound so relaxed in your session. I'm jealous yet again. Hey, I go back next week... maybe a miracle will happen.

I liked your comment about him wanting you to find more people to share this type of relationship with. After my rupture->repair exchange in therapy, I came to a similar conclusion. I need to find and surround myself with more people who can handle when a miscommunication occurs. More people who avoid yelling, belittling, and giving the silent treatment, or using comments I said out of context as mini attacks and flash points.

[MissCharlotte]

Sunny,

Isn't it amazing to reconnect? :icon_smile:I love the description of your session and the fact that you were able to get right back into it without feeling shy.

Congratulations. Enjoy being together.

[darkrunner]

Sunrise,
thank you for sharing this....your description of your relationship with your T makes me feel warm and fuzzy in side. But he kept you waiting for 15 minutes???? That would have driven me nuts!

I liked this statement of yours:

Originally Posted by sunrise

All the logical thinking in the world cannnot make something hurt less.

This is so true and something I struggle with all the time. It is hard when you know something in your head but you can't get your feelings to agree.

ktgirl

((((((((((((((((((((((((sunrise)))))))))))))))))))))))

What a great session! I'm so glad you were able to jump right back into it after such a long break - warm, fuzzy feelings and all!!

[Sannah]

Sounds great!

[sunrise]

Thanks chaotic, MissCharlotte, ktgirl, earthmama, and Sannah.

Originally Posted by chaotic13

I need to find and surround myself with more people who can handle when a miscommunication occurs. More people who avoid yelling, belittling, and giving the silent treatment, or using comments I said out of context as mini attacks and flash points.

Chaotic, I am struck that the sort of person you want to be around more is largely defined negatively: "I want someone who will not do X, Y, and Z, etc." A mannequin could provide that for you. What positive things do you want from these people?

Isn't it amazing to reconnect?

Yes, MissCharlotte, it totally is. I am still feeling very connected. It is a real tonic.

T and I still have not been able to set a session for next week after he emailed me he couldn't make our appointment time. We've had another exchange of emails and haven't found a common time. So I proposed we move on to the week after to try to find a time that will work. Looks like it might be another one of those 18 day breaks. Oh, well. I'll just try to hold onto this connectedness....

[chaotic13]

I am struck that the sort of person you want to be around more is largely defined negatively

Hmmmm :Sigh:.... I can flip this... At least I know what I DON'T want . I get what you are saying, it is a better mindset to seek what you want, not whiny about where you are. TY

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

At least I know what I DON'T want .

This all reminds me of a line I really like from a Feist song (I really love Feist!) called Let it Die. This is a mourning-a-dead-relationship song. She sings:
"Now I know what I don't want,
I learned that from you."

So there is certainly value in defining the negatives too. I think of that line sometimes when I wonder what in hell I got out of my 20 year marriage--I learned what I don't want my next relationship to be like!

Looks like T and I were finally able to set a date, and we will be skipping a week again. But at least it's not 18 days this time. It will only be 11 days.