[emilyjeanne]

How do you tell T that you are not doing so well? I tend to be a person who clams up when I start going downhill. My last appointment I happened to mention that I'm having a hard time with daily living stuff. But I don't think she heard it. Now things in my life have become critical. All I want to do is avoid everything. What should I do? Leave a voicemail message? Write a note? I don't know. I have all this stuff in my head. But it disappears when I'm in therapy.

Confused........and......frustrated.

[MINIME]

Leave a voicemail message saying that you have to talk to her about how hard things are becoming and you want her to know because when you get there you may just not want to talk about it. Tell her you need to talk about it and she can hold u accountable. I used to do that on sunday when I had something to talk to her about. I would call and say I need to talk to you about this and I am not sure if I will be able to or not.

[Tired12]

Hi Ej

Sorry to hear that you are not going so well. I hear you.... your confusion and frustrations.
Wow I am in the same space and having the same difficulty. I tend not to won't to go to T when I am in this space as I am so avoidant. When I am having difficulty I notice I present to T as if I am fine. Am I trying to protect myself from the pain that I am trying to hide? I have started to write a letter. It is three pages long already OMG and I still have a week to wait until my next appointment.
I don't have outside contact with T though so phoning or emailing is not an option. So for me I will keep writing and then when it's time for T I may not even hand it to T. This is what normally happens. See I am now confused, why would I write a letter for T and then not give it to T.
EJ lets hope others out here can give us some insights.

Take care

((((((((((((((((((((((((( emilyjeanne )))))))))))))))))))))

I was just where you are at and it was VERY hard to get T to hear me, even though I am pretty sure it was very clear (sobbing messages on his voice mail, for example). I NEEDED him to hear me, because I felt like he was the only person in my life who could really help me. He finally did, and now we're working on the things that led me to feel so bad in the first place.

My advice to you is to be persistent. Let T know how you are feeling, and if he doesn't hear you, let him know again. If you are allowed to call and e-mail, call and e-mail.

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.

[multipixie9]

EJ, It messes up the point of going to see a T if you can't tell what is going on. If you even write a SHORT LIST - WITH SEVERAL SENTENCES THAT YOU CAN READ OR GIVE TO T.

It takes effort, money and guts to go see your T, try not to let anything steal that from you. YOU deserve all the help and encouragement your T can give.

hugs,

leslie

[Mouse_]

I actually wrote an email once To T just saying "help", I was afraid to do it and afraid afterwards also but once T responded, I felt glad I'd done it.

[bchlyn]

i do the same thing... my t has gotten to know that... one thing that works for me is to keep a journal... he reads it when i see him... he use to have me read it... but i sometimes edit my work... so now he reads it to me... it seems to be easier to write it for me... i also leave messages on his voice mail... he calls it my hit and run method of t... lyn

[chaotic13]

I tried numerous times to tell my T that I was struggling but she didn't seem to hear me. My problem is that I might say something but the feelings that would typically go with what I say are missing. Kind of like some sitting calmly and telling you that they are in excruciating pain. I think my T was hearing me but not really "getting" what I was really experiencing. For me I had to put it in writing, and even then it was only when I totally lost it and sent her what I thought was a REALLY freaky email, did she finally get what I was trying to communicate.

My point here is... I thought I was clearly communicating! I thought I stated things clearly and directly. But, I guess I really wasn't.

If you feel like your T is not hearing you, maybe you need to get extreme. Maybe what you perceive as extreme (shouting) might actually be come out as just an audible whisper.

[MissCharlotte]

Emily,

I think that communicating my needs to T is the hardest part of therapy. For some odd reason, I think we don't want to let them down or have them disappointed in us.

I am so sorry you aren't feelng well. I like the idea of leaving her a message on her voicemail. It will break the ice and let you get started with the topic that is hard to tackle face to face. Then you will feel like you are taking care of yourself.

I would write down a "script" about those things you are most worried about and just read it off. Then tell her you can discuss it in session now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak.

Take gentle care of yourself.

[emilyjeanne]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I have therapy tomorrow. But I'm going to leave a message tonight. I'm going to tell her what I have been feeling and it is hard for me to tell her.

[little*rhino]

i would write things down first... make sure you are clear yourself before trying to be clear with her. Your time is valuable and limited with T... make the best/most of it. If you are struggling and need help try not to write prose.. stick with a point list.. one sentence per point. Then you've got what needs to be said without all the extra. i know.. i write volumes sometimes and other times i know i need to cut to the chase.

perhaps it would be productive to have a conversation about ways you can let her know you need help in other times... signals sort of... and about you as a "pair." i have always found our convo's about "us" very helpful and productive. You can talk about not being able to talk. i'm serious. Talking specifically about the process itself is a good exercise.

hope it works out

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by Candika

perhaps it would be productive to have a conversation about ways you can let her know you need help in other times... signals sort of... and about you as a "pair." i have always found our convo's about "us" very helpful and productive.

Candika, you just made me think of something to add to my "I know I'm ready to End Therapy When:" list.

I know I'm ready to end therapy when: I can have a helpful, productive conversations with my T about "us" and not feel totally uncomfortable.
This I think would be a true measure of good mental health (seriously).

However, I think I need to tackle some of my the earlier goals first ...I'm still working on having the guts to remove myself from the remote corner of the couch nearest the door.

EJ I think that figuring out how to effectively communicate and asking for support, even when we don't really know what we really want, is part of... therapy. At least it seems to be a big part of mine.

[Simcha]

(((((((emiliejeanne)))))))

When I've had a hard time, and wasn't doing well, I just told him directly without going into detail that "I'm not doing well right now, and I'm depressed/anxious/sad" whatever. I start with a little thing. The "I'm not doing well" is enough.

I hope it works out for you. Don't be afraid to share that you aren't doing well, and don't be afraid to tell him that even if you laugh in session, you are sad.
It's hard to let our guard down.

[foreverlost]

I think that one reason Ts don't always "get it" when we're really screaming in pain is that they don't like to see us in pain and so, are in their own denial about it??